Friday, July 20, 2012

Date Fail #5 - You're gay right?

As a straight female I know a date has gone poorly if I walk away from it fairly certain that the guy I was just with is gay . . . he just doesn't know it yet.  I told a friend about this date and her words were "are there still guys like that at our age?"  Apparently there are.

"Rick" messaged me through an online dating site.  I was a bit reticent because the email made me think of those overboard Indonesian men.  "You're so beautiful.  I want to meet you.  Blah blah, so beautiful, blah. ."  Not that I mind being told I'm beautiful but when you haven't even seen me in person, it feels a bit much.

After a few emails, we switched to texting.  That was a mistake on my part.  I found myself in the word of "check in" messages.  In the morning I'd get a "Good Morning/How did you sleep" message.  Then a mid day "Hope your day is good" message.  After work a "How is your afternoon" message.  In the evening a "Sleep well" message.  There were other random texts sprinkled throughout the day as well.  I don't text someone I'm interested a hundred times a day and I don't want that in return.

I wasn't all that sure about him from his profile but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.  Not everyone comes off great online even if they are in real life. I should've followed my gut.

We met at a local restaurant/bar. His profile said 5'10'' but I looked him straight in the eye. He was slim, slender, thin even.  Not my type. His voice was the first give away.  You know the one I'm talking about.  Not that every gay guy has "that voice" but his was the sterotypical one, higher than most guys, a little breathy, lots of ummms.  He was awkward sitting in a bar stool, didn't eat and only had one beer.  The conversation stalled numerous times and was buoyed by talking to the bar tender about drinks. The awkwardness only accelerated as he began to unravel his life's story.  Some info on a first date is good.  All your dirty laundry and sob stories aren't.

I thought it couldn't get more awkward than his excuses about not having money to pay.  I put it on my card and he insisted on giving me all $17 cash from his wallet.  I was wrong.  We walked out to the parking lot and had a light, clumsy hug.  As I said goodbye, turned around and took two steps he said, in a voice that made me think of a thirteen year old "IwanttokissyoucanIkissyou?" while grinding the toe of his shoe into the cement. Um, no.

I can't fully illustrate the situation but I doubt few of you would have guessed him straight either.  Of course, the less you want a guy to call after the date the more apt he is to.  I got a message the next day saying what a great time he had (maybe he hit his head on the way home) and asking to see me again.  I politely and tactfully declined.

Apologies for my excessive use of the word awkward, but when the shoe (or slipper) fits. . .

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