Not the kind in a restaurant that brings you food.
I have learned some patience over the years. It's come very slowly. Most people who knew me growing up would say that I as ready for things to happen sooner rahter than later.
Now my patience come in drips and drabs, often in certain places in my life while it still lacks in others. It's very difficult to be patience when dating. You have a great date and then want the person to call NOW. You want to go out for another date SOON. Waiting for things to happen can be rough.
In other areas, I have "the patience of a saint", not my words. My mother has seen me interact with my grandmothers, both of whom before their deaths were affected by Alzheimer-esque symptoms. I could sit with Grandma B for several hours to her repetition of "where are you living now?", "how have you been?" and about three other questions. When we were driving home, she asked how I did it, enduring the same questions ad nauseum. My answer is that I don't know. She believes that with children and the eldery I have the patience of a saint, it's adults I have a problem with. She's probably just about right.
I guess it's that both of those groups have an excuse for their behaviour and their ignorance. Adults of the otherhand, are usually willfully stupid or rude, but tha't s a whole other blog.
Right now I'm waiting for work. My current contract ends November 22nd. I've known that for a while. There were several options on the table. If you've read the blog recently, you may have seen a post about Omaha. I've passed on that project in favor of staying at home. It doesn't seem like the best idea to have 25 move in and then spend six months half way across the country. There are four current options are in the PNW with varying levels of details and confirmation.
One won't start until January (unless it's delayed) and will run until May.
The second would be traveling along the I-5 corridor training at facilities in Washington and Oregon. This company has been looking for people on and off for over a year so I won't be holding my breath.
The third is very hazing. Potentially as provider elbow support at a health system with 100+ clinics going live over several months, starting soon, maybe. Very unconfirmed.
The fourth, at this point, will remain unmentioned because it is the one I am waiting to hear about.
waiting
WAITING
WAITING
Sigh, I'm just not good at this. The knot in my stomach tells me so.
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Friday, August 30, 2013
Come Hell or Highwater
I'm going to get back to blogging
A) because a very lovely British gentleman has asked me recently if I was keeping on with it. He said he liked reading it and wondered where I'd gone. You know who you are you cheeky ginger.
2) because it is a fantastic place to unload the crapola that floats around in my head.
and #) because there's no way I'll remember this still when I'm old, or maybe next year even.
I'm resolving (again, I know. What's this, about my fifth rededication) to get back to it, err this.
That being said, yes of course there are reasons I haven't been blogging. The 55 hour work weeks are one of the most obvious. Since I started my current project mid-April I've worked over 850 total hours. That's a might high average since you've got to deduct the last two weeks at a mere 40 hours/week. The company put the ka-bosh on all the overtime. I'm hoping the pendulum swing back to OT again when things get (farther) behind schedule.
I also haven't been blogging much because when I'm not working, I'm with 25. That's still happening. I think at some point we because a thing. A couple thing. Who knew that today, one day short of the anniversary of our first date, I'd be blogging about being with him? Not me. Definitely not me. The best part of that? He knows.
He knows that he wasn't what I (thought I) was looking for. He knew and was equally slow to get into a monogamous, exclusive relationship. He knows that I'm in a fair amount of awe that he's put up with me this long and keeps coming back, always with a smile on his face to put one on mine.
I think round-about the last blogs I'd just given over a drawer, and then two, to him. Now he's got an, albeit small, dresser and a chunk of space in the closet. His hiking and camping gear lives in the garage all mixed in with mine. Our boots covered in the same mud dust from our last time out. He's got a key, and the garage door opener built in to his review mirror is programmed for my house.
He's in. In a big huge way, he's in. In a fantastic and if I think about it too much, fantastically scary way, he's in.
I've been single for a long time. There were minor flings over along the way, usually ending as quickly as they began. It's been the past five plus years. He knows that. He understands and, I would venture, agrees, the molasses speed has been a good thing. Because here we are, 364 days after first saying "Hi, you must be . . . " and he's still here.
A) because a very lovely British gentleman has asked me recently if I was keeping on with it. He said he liked reading it and wondered where I'd gone. You know who you are you cheeky ginger.
2) because it is a fantastic place to unload the crapola that floats around in my head.
and #) because there's no way I'll remember this still when I'm old, or maybe next year even.
I'm resolving (again, I know. What's this, about my fifth rededication) to get back to it, err this.
That being said, yes of course there are reasons I haven't been blogging. The 55 hour work weeks are one of the most obvious. Since I started my current project mid-April I've worked over 850 total hours. That's a might high average since you've got to deduct the last two weeks at a mere 40 hours/week. The company put the ka-bosh on all the overtime. I'm hoping the pendulum swing back to OT again when things get (farther) behind schedule.
I also haven't been blogging much because when I'm not working, I'm with 25. That's still happening. I think at some point we because a thing. A couple thing. Who knew that today, one day short of the anniversary of our first date, I'd be blogging about being with him? Not me. Definitely not me. The best part of that? He knows.
He knows that he wasn't what I (thought I) was looking for. He knew and was equally slow to get into a monogamous, exclusive relationship. He knows that I'm in a fair amount of awe that he's put up with me this long and keeps coming back, always with a smile on his face to put one on mine.
I think round-about the last blogs I'd just given over a drawer, and then two, to him. Now he's got an, albeit small, dresser and a chunk of space in the closet. His hiking and camping gear lives in the garage all mixed in with mine. Our boots covered in the same mud dust from our last time out. He's got a key, and the garage door opener built in to his review mirror is programmed for my house.
He's in. In a big huge way, he's in. In a fantastic and if I think about it too much, fantastically scary way, he's in.
I've been single for a long time. There were minor flings over along the way, usually ending as quickly as they began. It's been the past five plus years. He knows that. He understands and, I would venture, agrees, the molasses speed has been a good thing. Because here we are, 364 days after first saying "Hi, you must be . . . " and he's still here.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Camping, part deux
Four days. Three nights. Two people. One tent.
Hhhmmmmmmmm.
That could be a really long time. I'm sure if you'd put my sister and I through that scenario when I was about fourteen and she was eleven one of us wouldn't have emerged from the tent.
With 25 though, it was easy. Beer lubricated the trip and we took advantage of the woods to be grimy and not shower. That said, I was still happy to be with him and we merrily laughed our way through the weekend.
To make the most of the Memorial Day weekend we headed to the eastern side of the Cascade Mountain range here in Washington State. Our original destintation on Mount Rainier wasn't looking very promising as the weather reports got worse and worse as we approached Saturday. The switch in locale was a bit greater than I anticipated, granted I hadn't given it much thought other than to want a place with sun.
We ended up at Osborn Bay which is part of the Steamboat Rock campgrounds. It was a small loop of approximately fifteen campsites right on Osborn Bay lake that connects to the much larger Banks Lake. The sites were plenty big for just the two of us but they were fairly close packed. When we camp on the western part of Washington there are lots of trees around that give the allusion of separation and space. Eastern washington was a desert until the Grand Coulee Dam irrigation project made farming an option there. Trees were few and far between. The surrounding area was mostly sage brush and more than once we commented how it reminded us of the trip we took to Arizona last month.
25 and I had a one night "trial" camp trip recently and did well. This time, we'd augmented our gear and planned for a longer stay with more meals. It all panned out. I thoroughly enjoyed the trip. We didn't get on each others nerves, even when we were both a bit anxious about finding a site on the first day. The weather was fantastic and I've officially started my tan for the year. I got a record low six mosquito bites. I usually get that many just walking the dog at home!
A hike up Northup Canyon gave us amazing views of the canyons and coulee that glaciers had carved out tens of thoussands of years ago.
Steamboat rock is about a three minute drive from Electric City, and only another ten or so from Grand Coulee Dam. We checked out the visitor's center, made sure to go back at night for their educational but still really fun laser show projected on the dam and even went on a tour that took us along the top and inside. Thirty-three flavors of frozen yogurt were calling that afternoon and we made a stop in Electric City for that, ice at the smallest, most jam-paced grocery-cum-variety store then bought some firewood from a vet who was, very wisely, undercutting the surrounding store by a buck.
All around a stellar weekend. I was lucky to have Tuesday off and 25 was able to request it off so we stayed three nights and didn't have to fight quite as much traffic driving home on Tuesday afternoon. My biggest disappointment of the trip was when we stopped in Ellensburg for lunch on the way home. We'd planned for Iron Horse Brewery and they weren't open! Boo!
I suppose, if that's all I can find to complain about, I shan't complain at all. Fingers crossed that there will be time for more camping in July. June is pretty much going to be work, work, work.
Hhhmmmmmmmm.
That could be a really long time. I'm sure if you'd put my sister and I through that scenario when I was about fourteen and she was eleven one of us wouldn't have emerged from the tent.
With 25 though, it was easy. Beer lubricated the trip and we took advantage of the woods to be grimy and not shower. That said, I was still happy to be with him and we merrily laughed our way through the weekend.
To make the most of the Memorial Day weekend we headed to the eastern side of the Cascade Mountain range here in Washington State. Our original destintation on Mount Rainier wasn't looking very promising as the weather reports got worse and worse as we approached Saturday. The switch in locale was a bit greater than I anticipated, granted I hadn't given it much thought other than to want a place with sun.
We ended up at Osborn Bay which is part of the Steamboat Rock campgrounds. It was a small loop of approximately fifteen campsites right on Osborn Bay lake that connects to the much larger Banks Lake. The sites were plenty big for just the two of us but they were fairly close packed. When we camp on the western part of Washington there are lots of trees around that give the allusion of separation and space. Eastern washington was a desert until the Grand Coulee Dam irrigation project made farming an option there. Trees were few and far between. The surrounding area was mostly sage brush and more than once we commented how it reminded us of the trip we took to Arizona last month.
25 and I had a one night "trial" camp trip recently and did well. This time, we'd augmented our gear and planned for a longer stay with more meals. It all panned out. I thoroughly enjoyed the trip. We didn't get on each others nerves, even when we were both a bit anxious about finding a site on the first day. The weather was fantastic and I've officially started my tan for the year. I got a record low six mosquito bites. I usually get that many just walking the dog at home!
 |
| View from the parking lot of the Visitors Center |
 |
| An arial view of the Dam to give you some comparison. It is still the fifth largest dam in the world for output and was completed in 1942. |
I suppose, if that's all I can find to complain about, I shan't complain at all. Fingers crossed that there will be time for more camping in July. June is pretty much going to be work, work, work.
Monday, May 20, 2013
25 as +1
I went to a wedding over the weekend. It was nice living (far)away for years because I got to skip weddings and baby showers and the like. Now that I'm back, I seem to be making up for lost time. Saturday was the fourth wedding I've been to in fourteen months. These things are getting expensive!
This wedding happened to be between a couple I know from hiking. I met them about this time last year and was invited to the wedding with a plus one.
25 was my plus one.
Another minor milestone I reckon. He knew only three or four people in the wedding. He'd met the couple twice. I only knew maybe a dozen. He said he'd go if I wanted him to and I said I did. We had to make plans in March because we stayed in Freeland, on Whidbey, overnight.
The wedding this weekend was on Whidbey Island, out in Puget Sound. It's a long squiggly island. We took the ferry across to Clinton, on the southeast end and drive maybe fifteen or twenty minutes to Langley. We left mid morning on Saturday with a few rough "I'd like to" plans for the weekend. We managed to hit Whidbey Distillery where we talked to the distillers, checked out the still and sampled some loganberry liqueur. It has a wonderful berry flavor without being sugary/syrupy. I also bought a bottle that the distillers signed with congratulations for the happy couple.
We also hit Spoiled Dog Winery which happened to be almost a two minute drive from Whidbey Distillery. A six wine sampler hit the spot and included Pinot Gris, Estate Rose of Pinot Noir, Piniot Noir, Malbec, Deception Red (blend) and Pomo di Moro, a white with apple and pear. My favorites were the Pinot Gris, Rose and Noir, which of course barely overlapped with 25's favorites - the Rose, the Deception and the Moro. They also had some fantastic chocolate and a blue cheese that the maker mixes a bit of Deception red into. The dogs, after who the wine is named, were very sweet and the vintners friendly and chatty.
After that it was off to get changed for the 3pm wedding. The ceremony and reception was held at Fireseed, again about two minutes from the distillery. It was a beautiful location. The weather held for the day. No rain and even a little sun later on. The ceremony was about twenty minutes, touching without being long and drug out. Cocktails and appetizers followed immediately, then we drank our way towards dinner. It was a condensed buffet of prime rib, chicken, couscous, mixed veggies, asparagus, roasted poatatoes & beets, mixed greens salad and two kinds of bread. All of it was very delicious. Instead of traditional cake, there was a three tiered tower of mini cupcakes, chocolate covered strawberries and fruit tarts. A make-your-own trailmix bar and giant lollipops were the take aways. A bit more drinking, dancing and talking before we headed for the motel at about 10pm.
A slow start to Sunday was followed by a stop at a farmers market that resulted in a purchase of rhubarb, bok choy, sage. We had coffee and snacks before the ferry. After the ferry crossing we found Diamond Knot Brewery's Pizza kitchen. The pizza was interesting combo of toppings - red link sausage, chicken, blue cheese, ricotta in place of marinara, garlic and mozzarella. I tried the brown ale and Slane's Irish style red ale. Both slightly above average but not stellar. We skipped a growler fill.
A stop at the grocery stop and then home again, home again. It was a long busy weekend and I think both 25 and I were tired by about 7pm Sunday night. Over the course of the weekend there were more than a few sentences that started "If we get married. . . " and we'd stake a claim to what kind of food we would or wouldn't want, the music we would or wouldn't play, etc. It was never awkward and true to form for us, we laughed our way through the weekend. It's amazing how far we've come when we came appreciate that we both can see and say that want the other in our life and don't get weirded out by the potential a wedding forces us to face.
This wedding happened to be between a couple I know from hiking. I met them about this time last year and was invited to the wedding with a plus one.
25 was my plus one.
Another minor milestone I reckon. He knew only three or four people in the wedding. He'd met the couple twice. I only knew maybe a dozen. He said he'd go if I wanted him to and I said I did. We had to make plans in March because we stayed in Freeland, on Whidbey, overnight.
The wedding this weekend was on Whidbey Island, out in Puget Sound. It's a long squiggly island. We took the ferry across to Clinton, on the southeast end and drive maybe fifteen or twenty minutes to Langley. We left mid morning on Saturday with a few rough "I'd like to" plans for the weekend. We managed to hit Whidbey Distillery where we talked to the distillers, checked out the still and sampled some loganberry liqueur. It has a wonderful berry flavor without being sugary/syrupy. I also bought a bottle that the distillers signed with congratulations for the happy couple.
We also hit Spoiled Dog Winery which happened to be almost a two minute drive from Whidbey Distillery. A six wine sampler hit the spot and included Pinot Gris, Estate Rose of Pinot Noir, Piniot Noir, Malbec, Deception Red (blend) and Pomo di Moro, a white with apple and pear. My favorites were the Pinot Gris, Rose and Noir, which of course barely overlapped with 25's favorites - the Rose, the Deception and the Moro. They also had some fantastic chocolate and a blue cheese that the maker mixes a bit of Deception red into. The dogs, after who the wine is named, were very sweet and the vintners friendly and chatty.
After that it was off to get changed for the 3pm wedding. The ceremony and reception was held at Fireseed, again about two minutes from the distillery. It was a beautiful location. The weather held for the day. No rain and even a little sun later on. The ceremony was about twenty minutes, touching without being long and drug out. Cocktails and appetizers followed immediately, then we drank our way towards dinner. It was a condensed buffet of prime rib, chicken, couscous, mixed veggies, asparagus, roasted poatatoes & beets, mixed greens salad and two kinds of bread. All of it was very delicious. Instead of traditional cake, there was a three tiered tower of mini cupcakes, chocolate covered strawberries and fruit tarts. A make-your-own trailmix bar and giant lollipops were the take aways. A bit more drinking, dancing and talking before we headed for the motel at about 10pm.
 |
| Not the couple from Saturday. |
Monday, May 06, 2013
Camp Out!
For the first time in years I went camping. As tempting as it is to count a lot of the cheap hostels as camping, though they included a mosquito net, not a tent.
It was a beautiful weekend here in the Pacific Northwest. The kind that we don't usually get until late July. It was high seventies, low eighties (roughly 23-25 celsius). Most of the campgrounds in Western Washington don't even open until the beginning of May so this is still early season. Since we (we being 25 and I) only had the weekend, we had to find somewhere close. I stumbled upon a book, the antiquated thing with paper pages, that outlined campground in Washington and within selected Scenic Beach State Park and campground near Silverdale on Hood Canal with views of the Olympic mountains. What a location and less than a two hour drive.
25 hadn't been camping in a year, and we'd not been camping together yet. We both, wisely it turns out, decided to view this trip as a trial. We were close enough that if we forgot anything really important we could go pick it up but otherwise we'd make a list of things that would be good to bring out the next time. Only about a dozen items to pick up for next time and nothing that was a showstopper. Lots of things that you have to go camping agin to remember, like a tablecloth, long matches, extra firestarters, and the like. I also was reminded of why you don't just pack flashlights and lanterns, but test them before hand but actually turning them on. I ended up with a dead headlamp, two dead lanterns, one of which was corroded so badly it was pitched, along with a broken camp chair. Extra batteries are also on the list.
The highlight of the trip, other than the sun, was when a sea otter ran out of his den, down a felled tree and hopped in the water. The sizeable raccon was a close second. We also saw some starfish, a couple of cranes (one flew over my house when we arrived back) rounded out the pack. The company was stellar, never boring or frustrated, even when I won at cribbage - which never happens. We listened to the Mariners game on Sunday, we walked by the water looking for crabs and critters, enjoyed roasting marshmallows and reading by the fire until there wasn't enough light left. Aside from the lumpy night's sleep (next time the air mattress is coming along. We are car camping after all, no need to rely only on a little roll pad), it was a fantastic weekend.
We are already planning for another weekend trip in June, a two nighter if we can manage with work and all. The hope is that the weather will be just as good, though, as Seattlites, we won't expect that and we'll go either way.
It was a beautiful weekend here in the Pacific Northwest. The kind that we don't usually get until late July. It was high seventies, low eighties (roughly 23-25 celsius). Most of the campgrounds in Western Washington don't even open until the beginning of May so this is still early season. Since we (we being 25 and I) only had the weekend, we had to find somewhere close. I stumbled upon a book, the antiquated thing with paper pages, that outlined campground in Washington and within selected Scenic Beach State Park and campground near Silverdale on Hood Canal with views of the Olympic mountains. What a location and less than a two hour drive.
We are already planning for another weekend trip in June, a two nighter if we can manage with work and all. The hope is that the weather will be just as good, though, as Seattlites, we won't expect that and we'll go either way.
Wednesday, May 01, 2013
A Drawer
He's got a drawer.
Wikipedia says: A drawer (
i/drɔr/) is a box-shaped container that fits into a piece of furniture in such a way that it can be drawn out horizontally to reach its contents.
I spoke of the delicate dance that dating is yesterday when I said that you can't offer too much help or care too soon. This falls in to the same catergory. Since we haven't defined what we are doing beyond "dating and enjoying each other's company" the roll out has been slow. Like hunting, no sudden movements, no loud noises, nothing too drastic or unexpected.
A couple months ago we both acknowledged the need for toothbrushes at each others places. Other than that, a planned night over came with an overnight bag. Socks, underwear, etc. The toothbrush could stay, the rest y ou packed back and forth. It was a small, subtle claim that was disposable. If the relationship ended, I would simply throw out the toothbrush. There would be no need to have an awkward meeting to exchange "stuff".
From there we added sweatpants. We each left a pair of comfy pants at the others house because work pants are not usualy comfy and it's not fair if he gets to be in comfort and I'm in nice (though less comfortable) clothes. I also felt a little strange about being in lounge wear when he was dressed nice because it sort of meant he was a guest. I didn't think of him as a guest, I didn't expect him to act like a guest, yet it was a dividing line. So we went to Target and each bough a pair of pants to leave at the other's house. Mine are grey sweats, his are plaid pj pants.
After spending three days at my place when he was sick, we've realized that a toothbrush and sweatpants might not be enough. Sometimes we end up staying over at the other's house without planning to. To address this I've started leaving a mini-overnight bag (sock, underwear, a clean top and makeup kit) in the trunk of my car, next to my gym bag which lives there too. When 25 last stayed over, I noticed he had three pairs of shoes in his trunk. Apparently he was doing much the same as I was.
He mentioned that "it would be nice" if he could leave a few things. Internally I thought, "well duh!" externally I said, "of course, that would be fine". And so, he has a drawer.
There hasn't been any talk of drawer reciprocation yet. He tends to stay at mine more than the opposite, both for a few reasons: geography of work to home, space to spread out, a dog and cat who can't be left alone too long. If I do get a drawer, I wonder what I'll choose to fill it with?
Such a insignificant object for such a significant step.
Wikipedia says: A drawer (
i/drɔr/) is a box-shaped container that fits into a piece of furniture in such a way that it can be drawn out horizontally to reach its contents.I spoke of the delicate dance that dating is yesterday when I said that you can't offer too much help or care too soon. This falls in to the same catergory. Since we haven't defined what we are doing beyond "dating and enjoying each other's company" the roll out has been slow. Like hunting, no sudden movements, no loud noises, nothing too drastic or unexpected. A couple months ago we both acknowledged the need for toothbrushes at each others places. Other than that, a planned night over came with an overnight bag. Socks, underwear, etc. The toothbrush could stay, the rest y ou packed back and forth. It was a small, subtle claim that was disposable. If the relationship ended, I would simply throw out the toothbrush. There would be no need to have an awkward meeting to exchange "stuff".
From there we added sweatpants. We each left a pair of comfy pants at the others house because work pants are not usualy comfy and it's not fair if he gets to be in comfort and I'm in nice (though less comfortable) clothes. I also felt a little strange about being in lounge wear when he was dressed nice because it sort of meant he was a guest. I didn't think of him as a guest, I didn't expect him to act like a guest, yet it was a dividing line. So we went to Target and each bough a pair of pants to leave at the other's house. Mine are grey sweats, his are plaid pj pants.
After spending three days at my place when he was sick, we've realized that a toothbrush and sweatpants might not be enough. Sometimes we end up staying over at the other's house without planning to. To address this I've started leaving a mini-overnight bag (sock, underwear, a clean top and makeup kit) in the trunk of my car, next to my gym bag which lives there too. When 25 last stayed over, I noticed he had three pairs of shoes in his trunk. Apparently he was doing much the same as I was.
He mentioned that "it would be nice" if he could leave a few things. Internally I thought, "well duh!" externally I said, "of course, that would be fine". And so, he has a drawer.
There hasn't been any talk of drawer reciprocation yet. He tends to stay at mine more than the opposite, both for a few reasons: geography of work to home, space to spread out, a dog and cat who can't be left alone too long. If I do get a drawer, I wonder what I'll choose to fill it with?
Such a insignificant object for such a significant step.
 |
| Wonder which one I'll get? |
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Bronchitis
Not me thankfully, or not yet anyway. 25 got sick. It's notable because it's the first "really sick/injured" of our relationship. We've both had colds, but real sick is different. Anything that requires a trip to the urgent care is different.
While I'm not happy he got bronchitis, it is a useful measuring stick. Like I said, it's a milestone. It's great that it didn't happen when we'd only been dating a couple months. That could have ended things. In my experience, women and very specifically me, tend to want to care for, even mother, a man. I like to be helpful, offer assistance. I've learned over the years, through trial and lots of errors plus a little reading (Why men date bitches and the like) you can't do that too soon. When dating a man, you have to increase those sorts of "taking care of my man" sorts of things slowly, veeerrrrryyyyy sssssssssssssslllllllllllllooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwlllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyy. If you come on too fast/too much, they are like deer - they panic and flee. I can't speak for most women, but I often find that difficult. I want to help. I have had to very deiliberately scale those efforts back to basics.
25 is like any man. When he gets the flu is quickly turns in to manflu. He had that a couple months ago, maybe January. He had the sniffles, he wanted sympathy. He got a bit and no offers of soup, drugstore runs, etc. This time, with months behind us, it was different.
We both had minor cold symptoms Sunday a couple weeks ago. I was congested, he had a sore throat. We didn't really think anything of it. My stuffy nose and sneezing lasted about four days. 25 was exposed to bronchitis at work and several other co-workers that were sick or had sick partners. He called in stick to work Wednesday and Thursday. I took him soup on Wednesday night, hung out for a couple hours then went home because I had to get my beauty sleep for early work the next day.
Against my suggestion, he went to work Friday and was, let's say, less than productive. Over the weekend he stayed at my place, mostly sleeping. He was burning up and had a very persistent cough, though none of the other more cold-like symptoms that I'd had. By Sunday morning he had decided that a trip to the urgent care clinic was warranted, and so it was. Acute bronchitis meant an injection and prescriptions.
The milestone part to all of this is that he let me take care of him. He said more than once that he'd be/have been a lot worse off without me. He thanked me for being there, for having him at the house and making sure he had gatorade and soup. He seemed to notice that having me in his life for a long time would be a really good thing, beneficial on multiple fronts.
While I'm not happy he got bronchitis, it is a useful measuring stick. Like I said, it's a milestone. It's great that it didn't happen when we'd only been dating a couple months. That could have ended things. In my experience, women and very specifically me, tend to want to care for, even mother, a man. I like to be helpful, offer assistance. I've learned over the years, through trial and lots of errors plus a little reading (Why men date bitches and the like) you can't do that too soon. When dating a man, you have to increase those sorts of "taking care of my man" sorts of things slowly, veeerrrrryyyyy sssssssssssssslllllllllllllooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwlllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyy. If you come on too fast/too much, they are like deer - they panic and flee. I can't speak for most women, but I often find that difficult. I want to help. I have had to very deiliberately scale those efforts back to basics.
25 is like any man. When he gets the flu is quickly turns in to manflu. He had that a couple months ago, maybe January. He had the sniffles, he wanted sympathy. He got a bit and no offers of soup, drugstore runs, etc. This time, with months behind us, it was different.
We both had minor cold symptoms Sunday a couple weeks ago. I was congested, he had a sore throat. We didn't really think anything of it. My stuffy nose and sneezing lasted about four days. 25 was exposed to bronchitis at work and several other co-workers that were sick or had sick partners. He called in stick to work Wednesday and Thursday. I took him soup on Wednesday night, hung out for a couple hours then went home because I had to get my beauty sleep for early work the next day.
Against my suggestion, he went to work Friday and was, let's say, less than productive. Over the weekend he stayed at my place, mostly sleeping. He was burning up and had a very persistent cough, though none of the other more cold-like symptoms that I'd had. By Sunday morning he had decided that a trip to the urgent care clinic was warranted, and so it was. Acute bronchitis meant an injection and prescriptions.
The milestone part to all of this is that he let me take care of him. He said more than once that he'd be/have been a lot worse off without me. He thanked me for being there, for having him at the house and making sure he had gatorade and soup. He seemed to notice that having me in his life for a long time would be a really good thing, beneficial on multiple fronts.
Monday, April 29, 2013
A New Flow
Week two on the newest contract and I'm working on my flow. With this kind of work, the hours and days tend to change with and without notice. This week for example:
Monday: 07:00 - 17:30 (10.5h)
Tuesday: 12:00 - 20:00 (8h)
Wednesday: 08:00 - 19:30 (9.5h)
Thursday: ??
Friday: 08:00 - 19:30 (9.5h)
Monday, Wednesday, Friday I'm "assisting" in a training class. I have to get authorized to teach at this facility even though I've taught before (standard operating procedure no matter who the facility is). That it what dictates my hours for those days. Right now, there is only class 1pm to 5pm but that could and probably will change. I showed up at 7am today to get ready for an 8am class only to find out that there wasn't an 8am class. As my department lead says "we are water, we flow with it", which I like. You won't last long as an Epic contractor if you can't be silly putty - flexible, ready to bend, adaptable and able to copy/memorize.
It's doubly nice that at this project we have lots of dedicated training rooms with hardware that is set up and ready to go. The rooms are roomy with space to spread out, projectors for demonstrations, a box of supplies for each room and individual temperature controls. It's miles ahead of my last project. The management seems very different so far aw well and in all the best ways. They believe us to be the professionals we are. They give us the information and leave us to prepare, not reading it to us like kindergarteners. They understand that sometimes we will need to work more than forty hours per week to prep, clean up, prepare, etc in addition to class hours. They have a highly rational and logical approach to teaching and management. The key might be SO FAR, but I have high hopes and my fingers crossed.
Since I'm working, I can no longer go to the gym at 11am. I'll take advantage to go midday when I can, like tomorrow I'll go about 9 or 10am, but that will be a treat. Instead I have to figure out when to jam it in to my schedule. LAst week I got to the gym exactly zero days. I did run my neighborhood, but nothing the rest of the week. I saw 25 on Wednesday, went to a brewery for a special tapping with a friend on Thursday, saw 25 over the weekend and now it's Monday. I've got to balance work, the gym and a social life. I am having a hard time believing I can get up at 4am to work out before driving to work at 6am for a 7am start but afternoon turns into the "buts" and not my butt on the elliptical machine. After work I am prone to "I could/should go to the gym but I'm tired/I have to go shopping/I need to let the dog out/I have to _____". It's easier to find a reason not to go after work. A Mariners game, a date, dinner, exhaustion are all acceptable reasons. Therefore, it's got to be morning, but MAN! 4am?!?!
I also noticed that the weekend flew by. I'm now playing that age old game of "how to I cram fun and hafto's into just 48 hours"?
Any ideas?
Monday: 07:00 - 17:30 (10.5h)
Tuesday: 12:00 - 20:00 (8h)
Wednesday: 08:00 - 19:30 (9.5h)
Thursday: ??
Friday: 08:00 - 19:30 (9.5h)
Monday, Wednesday, Friday I'm "assisting" in a training class. I have to get authorized to teach at this facility even though I've taught before (standard operating procedure no matter who the facility is). That it what dictates my hours for those days. Right now, there is only class 1pm to 5pm but that could and probably will change. I showed up at 7am today to get ready for an 8am class only to find out that there wasn't an 8am class. As my department lead says "we are water, we flow with it", which I like. You won't last long as an Epic contractor if you can't be silly putty - flexible, ready to bend, adaptable and able to copy/memorize.
It's doubly nice that at this project we have lots of dedicated training rooms with hardware that is set up and ready to go. The rooms are roomy with space to spread out, projectors for demonstrations, a box of supplies for each room and individual temperature controls. It's miles ahead of my last project. The management seems very different so far aw well and in all the best ways. They believe us to be the professionals we are. They give us the information and leave us to prepare, not reading it to us like kindergarteners. They understand that sometimes we will need to work more than forty hours per week to prep, clean up, prepare, etc in addition to class hours. They have a highly rational and logical approach to teaching and management. The key might be SO FAR, but I have high hopes and my fingers crossed.
Since I'm working, I can no longer go to the gym at 11am. I'll take advantage to go midday when I can, like tomorrow I'll go about 9 or 10am, but that will be a treat. Instead I have to figure out when to jam it in to my schedule. LAst week I got to the gym exactly zero days. I did run my neighborhood, but nothing the rest of the week. I saw 25 on Wednesday, went to a brewery for a special tapping with a friend on Thursday, saw 25 over the weekend and now it's Monday. I've got to balance work, the gym and a social life. I am having a hard time believing I can get up at 4am to work out before driving to work at 6am for a 7am start but afternoon turns into the "buts" and not my butt on the elliptical machine. After work I am prone to "I could/should go to the gym but I'm tired/I have to go shopping/I need to let the dog out/I have to _____". It's easier to find a reason not to go after work. A Mariners game, a date, dinner, exhaustion are all acceptable reasons. Therefore, it's got to be morning, but MAN! 4am?!?!
I also noticed that the weekend flew by. I'm now playing that age old game of "how to I cram fun and hafto's into just 48 hours"?
Any ideas?
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Friction
My relationship with 25 has been fairly smooth sailing so far. Actually, comparatively, it has been a hot air balloon ride on a sunny day with a light breeze and a great view. It has been very different than past relationships. I would venture to guess that it's a combination of reasons; I've grown up and matured (shocking to even me), I'm more certain of myself and willing to make a claim for what I want and need, I've had enough bad experiences to steer clear of situations that are reminiscent of them, he is very patient with me, we've been pretty darn open and honest since date one.
He seems to be able to short circuit some emotions that have historically gotten me in to trouble, like being extremely short on patience and occasionally short tempered and a memory and insistence on history/correctness that lead to arguments. He surely doesn't know he does this because he doesn't know the me I was with other men, he knows the me I am with him. I am easily my happiest, mellowest self around him. . . .
usually . . .
We've hit a few bumps in the road as of late. Now when I say bumps, these are really like tiny pebbles. Nothing major, nothing that causes me any real concern, but a slight difference from previously. We are both going through some stressful times - he at work, me without work - and also spending more time together on a regular basis. That causes a little friction. We've had to hammer out a better method for communication because when he gets 400+ emails a day at work, the last thing he wants or needs is an email from me, regardless of the topic. We've gone round and round trying to explain or understand something or why the other people does/said something.
That all in consideration, it's securing and gratifying to have a little friction and see that it isn't more than. The bumps are staying small and we can resolve the issues. There's a laying out of the issue, an explanation of why it's a problem, and suggested solutions. Even when there's frustration (yes, usually on my side but not always!) it doesn't last and it's never and eleven, on a scale of one to ten. It has been much, MUCH easier than ever before, or than I thought possible really. Maybe that's a good sign!
He seems to be able to short circuit some emotions that have historically gotten me in to trouble, like being extremely short on patience and occasionally short tempered and a memory and insistence on history/correctness that lead to arguments. He surely doesn't know he does this because he doesn't know the me I was with other men, he knows the me I am with him. I am easily my happiest, mellowest self around him. . . .
usually . . .
We've hit a few bumps in the road as of late. Now when I say bumps, these are really like tiny pebbles. Nothing major, nothing that causes me any real concern, but a slight difference from previously. We are both going through some stressful times - he at work, me without work - and also spending more time together on a regular basis. That causes a little friction. We've had to hammer out a better method for communication because when he gets 400+ emails a day at work, the last thing he wants or needs is an email from me, regardless of the topic. We've gone round and round trying to explain or understand something or why the other people does/said something.
That all in consideration, it's securing and gratifying to have a little friction and see that it isn't more than. The bumps are staying small and we can resolve the issues. There's a laying out of the issue, an explanation of why it's a problem, and suggested solutions. Even when there's frustration (yes, usually on my side but not always!) it doesn't last and it's never and eleven, on a scale of one to ten. It has been much, MUCH easier than ever before, or than I thought possible really. Maybe that's a good sign!
Monday, April 15, 2013
Resignation
Not from blogging, from match.com and okcupid.com
That's where things have gone. 25 and I had a conversation two weeks ago that went like this:
Me: Are you still on match?
Him: Uh, I think i still have a membership but I never go on it.
PAUSE
Him: I guess stop it so it doesn't auto renew me when it ends in April.
Me: Does that mean you're ending your match membership?
Him: Yea, I think so.
Me: Ok, I'll end mine when it's up in May too.
We met on match. Somehow, all my ridiculous online dating stories turned in to a "success story", but don't tell match.com that or I'll probably have to do some shmarmy commercial.
We started really slow. I think our first three dates were spread over about six weeks or so. We both dated other people for a couple months. We never had a typical commitment talk. We've talked about what we might want going forward but never exactly a talk to figure out if we are "together", dating, involved or whatnot. So this was our talk.
I assume, and feel good about that assumption, not that I'm making an "ass out of u and me" (think about it!) that we are together. I see him at least four evenings a week. We have plans throughout the summer including camping, concerts and weekends away. If that doesn't mean something then having a "talk" wouldn't either.
I feel good about giving the online dating a rest. Luckily, should the need arise, it'll be there for me to peruse again.
That's where things have gone. 25 and I had a conversation two weeks ago that went like this:
Me: Are you still on match?
Him: Uh, I think i still have a membership but I never go on it.
PAUSE
Him: I guess stop it so it doesn't auto renew me when it ends in April.
Me: Does that mean you're ending your match membership?
Him: Yea, I think so.
Me: Ok, I'll end mine when it's up in May too.
We met on match. Somehow, all my ridiculous online dating stories turned in to a "success story", but don't tell match.com that or I'll probably have to do some shmarmy commercial.
We started really slow. I think our first three dates were spread over about six weeks or so. We both dated other people for a couple months. We never had a typical commitment talk. We've talked about what we might want going forward but never exactly a talk to figure out if we are "together", dating, involved or whatnot. So this was our talk.
I assume, and feel good about that assumption, not that I'm making an "ass out of u and me" (think about it!) that we are together. I see him at least four evenings a week. We have plans throughout the summer including camping, concerts and weekends away. If that doesn't mean something then having a "talk" wouldn't either.
I feel good about giving the online dating a rest. Luckily, should the need arise, it'll be there for me to peruse again.
Tuesday, April 09, 2013
I Survived!
We both did actually. I didn't kill him nor vice versa, though we all know which was the bigger threat. I made it through my first trip with a someone-I'm-dating. Prior to this, my only trip with a someone was when I came back to Washington to visit family. That doesn't really count because the stress was about a 1.2 on the Richter scale, not a 7.5. There wasn't any flying, setting an agenda, navigating, etc. We had all of that plus he met my mom and step dad.
We flew out at before the crack of dawn on Friday. It was painfully early, and I'm kind of a morning person. The flight to Phoenix was direct and by the time we picked up the rental car it felt like it should have been three in the afternoon when in reality it was 9:30 am. We snagged a quick bite and headed for Flagstaff, where we would stay two nights. He very wisely suggested a nap and we were both semi-conscious at best by then. El Capitan provided a great pre-nap snack complete with high class beer . . . a PBR tall boy in a paperbag.
We went to Lowell Observatory that night and saw Jupiter plus four of it's moons. There is a telescope there that was built about 1906. It was educational and interesting. The area smelled like the world's best campground, wood smoke and piney. The staff were all amazingly friendly and knowledgeable. There is a AAA discount and we spend a whopping three plus hours there. I recommend it.
That night we went to Beaver Street Brewery that wasn't far away. We split a sampler of all eight beers they had on tap, all their own. A couple were very good, like the Red Rock Raspberry. A few were disappointing. My Pesto Cream Cheese bake was stellar though to claim it was unhealthy was an understatement. His chicken soup taste like it had been left out in the woods to get gamey. ick.
Saturday we went to the Grand Canyon. I'd never been and was excited to go. It's a couple hours drive there and we had a stutter start with low tire pressure and snack finding. The weather was good enough but without direct sun the Canyon takes on a strange 2D quality. It looks like all the postcards you've seen. The closer levels of red rock look 3D and have depth and detail. The North Rim (we were standing on the South Rim) looks very flat and the edges are fuzzy. The point of focus in the distance isn't really one point but a line. It's strange but not entirely unappealing. We spent about six hours walking around, taking in the visitors center and geology museum. We walked about five miles, walked, sat, snacked, people-watched and really enjoyed the day there. It was a fantastic day.
I do need to comment on some of the looney toons at national parks. I understand that National Parks are made for the public, but I don't really like the public. If I were ever to be ridiculously wealthy I would pay for the privilege to go to some of these sites alone. sort of a "I'll make a huge donation if you close the park for me for half a day" kind of thing. End of March/early April is spring break for some schools and of course lots of folks take their families to the Grand Canyon, but man, why does everyone have children? UGH!! There seemed to be very few well behaved, quiet children. There were children with whistles, children running around in the walking path of others, etc. We also noted the man who walked out to the edge of the Canyon for photos and the presumed entertainment of his friends. He was dressed head to toe in Columbia/REI gear which was overkill considering the rims of the Canyon have paths and little trekking. There was a family who had a couple of kids. They'd gone to the trouble to bring their kids all the way to the Grand Canyon but were "smart" enough to keep one kid in the stroller staring at an ipad so that he didn't get any exercise or enjoy/see/learn from the experience.
It was nice to see that the US government hasn't caved and put rails and glass on every edge of the Grand Canyon to prevent people from accidentally or intentionally maiming themselves. That said, it did mean that I contemplated throwing a particularly irritating child in to the canyon. I wouldn't but it was a nice thought.
Sunday was Easter. We found a little place called Bellevia for breakfast. It was very busy with a high turnover so we didn't wait long. The Eggs Benedict selection was interesting and different; I had the king crab and jack cheese. If you need a singular reason to go it's the cafe aloha!! Think mocha but with coconut cream instead of chocolate syrup. Afterward was a leisurely stroll around town in the sun and some shopping. Sunset crater was our destination for the day. There were two associated sites there and apparently we missed the third/last/best site. Other than that, the day was kind of a miss for seeing something interesting and amazing. The company and weather were good but I got a bit surly and we gave up on the sites. That evening we headed back in to town to meet up with my mom, stepdad, sister and a couple that are family friends. Dinner at Salsa Brava to wrap up the day before we crashed.
I'll wrap up the trip in Sedona in the next blog post.
We flew out at before the crack of dawn on Friday. It was painfully early, and I'm kind of a morning person. The flight to Phoenix was direct and by the time we picked up the rental car it felt like it should have been three in the afternoon when in reality it was 9:30 am. We snagged a quick bite and headed for Flagstaff, where we would stay two nights. He very wisely suggested a nap and we were both semi-conscious at best by then. El Capitan provided a great pre-nap snack complete with high class beer . . . a PBR tall boy in a paperbag.
We went to Lowell Observatory that night and saw Jupiter plus four of it's moons. There is a telescope there that was built about 1906. It was educational and interesting. The area smelled like the world's best campground, wood smoke and piney. The staff were all amazingly friendly and knowledgeable. There is a AAA discount and we spend a whopping three plus hours there. I recommend it.
That night we went to Beaver Street Brewery that wasn't far away. We split a sampler of all eight beers they had on tap, all their own. A couple were very good, like the Red Rock Raspberry. A few were disappointing. My Pesto Cream Cheese bake was stellar though to claim it was unhealthy was an understatement. His chicken soup taste like it had been left out in the woods to get gamey. ick.
I do need to comment on some of the looney toons at national parks. I understand that National Parks are made for the public, but I don't really like the public. If I were ever to be ridiculously wealthy I would pay for the privilege to go to some of these sites alone. sort of a "I'll make a huge donation if you close the park for me for half a day" kind of thing. End of March/early April is spring break for some schools and of course lots of folks take their families to the Grand Canyon, but man, why does everyone have children? UGH!! There seemed to be very few well behaved, quiet children. There were children with whistles, children running around in the walking path of others, etc. We also noted the man who walked out to the edge of the Canyon for photos and the presumed entertainment of his friends. He was dressed head to toe in Columbia/REI gear which was overkill considering the rims of the Canyon have paths and little trekking. There was a family who had a couple of kids. They'd gone to the trouble to bring their kids all the way to the Grand Canyon but were "smart" enough to keep one kid in the stroller staring at an ipad so that he didn't get any exercise or enjoy/see/learn from the experience.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Pre-trip Jitters
Today is a big day. Not because I fly to Arizona tomorrow. I'm not a nervous flyer, never have been. I do always get butterflies for about eight to twelve hours before my flight but I reckon that's because I'm nervous about missing my flight. As soon as I'm at the gate waiting to board, the butterflies take a nap.
Its not because I'm going to the Grand Canyon (finally, right?).
It's not because I'm once again intrusting the lives of my "kids" to someone else. I happen to have a reliable pet sitter who, as far as I can tell, does well by my cat and dog. I will surely have several days of the shadows when I get back though. They follow me around relentlessly for at least three days after I get back from any trip longer than two days.
No, today is a big day because tomorrow I go on a trip with someone I'm dating. This is a first. Virgin Territory for me. I didn't even go on a real trip with my ex-husband. I don't count a trip from Utah back to Seattle to visit family, doubly so because we drove and there was no hotels or equal stressors.
We fly out Friday very, very, painfully early and we'll be back almost as early on Thursday. That means fully six and a half days together. That means practically living together for those days. We will be eating, sleeping, um . . everything-ing together. He's going to meet my mom and step-dad for the first time too. Which I'm not terribly concerned about but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at all concerned about.
I think we've maneuvered through the minefield of expenses pretty darn well so far. We haven't been seeing each other so long yet that we've merged incomes and unfortunately, neither of us is independently wealthy. Instead, we had to have a talk about expected expenses for the trip, how much each of use can afford, how we like to travel (five-star hotels or one-star tragedies?), etc. We have both put money out for reservations so that if either back out, we're equally screwed.
We've made some rough plans about things we want to see, like the Grand Canyon and a huge telescope, but left the overall itinerary mostly open. I feel like it will be a good "test" (I don't really want to use that word, but have here for lack of the exact sentiment I want). People are different when they are under stress, in airports, trying to give or take direction, worried about costs and keeping their partner happy. To be honest, I'm more worried about him seeing a side of me that surprises him or turns him off than vice versa. I've cautioned him about the seasoned traveler in me that shuns meandering in the airport and packs sparsely. I'll definitely need to remember that I'm not traveling alone for work and act accordingly.
Wish me luck. You'll hear about it next week, whether you want to or not!
Its not because I'm going to the Grand Canyon (finally, right?).
It's not because I'm once again intrusting the lives of my "kids" to someone else. I happen to have a reliable pet sitter who, as far as I can tell, does well by my cat and dog. I will surely have several days of the shadows when I get back though. They follow me around relentlessly for at least three days after I get back from any trip longer than two days.
No, today is a big day because tomorrow I go on a trip with someone I'm dating. This is a first. Virgin Territory for me. I didn't even go on a real trip with my ex-husband. I don't count a trip from Utah back to Seattle to visit family, doubly so because we drove and there was no hotels or equal stressors.
We fly out Friday very, very, painfully early and we'll be back almost as early on Thursday. That means fully six and a half days together. That means practically living together for those days. We will be eating, sleeping, um . . everything-ing together. He's going to meet my mom and step-dad for the first time too. Which I'm not terribly concerned about but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at all concerned about.
I think we've maneuvered through the minefield of expenses pretty darn well so far. We haven't been seeing each other so long yet that we've merged incomes and unfortunately, neither of us is independently wealthy. Instead, we had to have a talk about expected expenses for the trip, how much each of use can afford, how we like to travel (five-star hotels or one-star tragedies?), etc. We have both put money out for reservations so that if either back out, we're equally screwed.
We've made some rough plans about things we want to see, like the Grand Canyon and a huge telescope, but left the overall itinerary mostly open. I feel like it will be a good "test" (I don't really want to use that word, but have here for lack of the exact sentiment I want). People are different when they are under stress, in airports, trying to give or take direction, worried about costs and keeping their partner happy. To be honest, I'm more worried about him seeing a side of me that surprises him or turns him off than vice versa. I've cautioned him about the seasoned traveler in me that shuns meandering in the airport and packs sparsely. I'll definitely need to remember that I'm not traveling alone for work and act accordingly.
Wish me luck. You'll hear about it next week, whether you want to or not!
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Ultimatums and Requests
I have really held off in giving many ultimatums in my relationships in the past. I finally gave my ex an ultimatum of "get involved with me and our marriage or I'm done here" after the train had gone off the rails months and months before. I don't generally think that people (myself included) respond well to a "do this or else" scenario. That said, there are times when necessity requires a hard stop to evaluate, then a decision is made.
Dan Savage refers to some ultimatums as the "price of admission". If the person you are dating says once a month they want the freedom to go sleep with someone else, that's their price of admission. You can decide that is a price you are willing to pay, or not. If the person is worth the trouble, the compromise, the hassle, then you'll probably pay the price . . .of admission. If not, it's a good signal to go your separate ways. I believer everyone has these prices, some come cheap, others are very costly.
I've realized that as I get pickier about who I date and what I want in a relationship, I have these lines-in-the-sand. There are few things that I'm really strict about, but those are absolutes. A few examples: accepting of all sexualities, races, religions and creeds, not a video gamer, active/non-couch potato. Most of my requirements are fairly broad and can be open to interpretation (by me of course) as need dictates. Dating is a process to filter out the men who don't meet my requirements and hopefully find one who does.
I do think that having requirements is slightly different than ultimatums. To me, an ultimatum is like a cease and desist order. You've been doing A. I find A to be unacceptable. Please cease and desist. At what point in a relationship do you give an ultimatum? That being said, what makes an ultimatum inherently different than a request? I've been involved with a person or two that making requests, both on his part and mine, were the opposite of the high drama, be-all-end-all of an ultimatum. I asked if he wouldn't mind now smoking around me, or he asked if I would limit my snarky comments to ten a day. Neither request was met with any hostility. Part of a good relationship is being able to ask for what you want/need without the other person overreacting. Relationships are always a give and take.
The difference must be that an ultimatum means "if you say no, we're over" where any other request is still open for debate and compromise. The timeline of what you can/should ask for and when or how often . . . That is in need of a much finer comb to untangle.
Dan Savage refers to some ultimatums as the "price of admission". If the person you are dating says once a month they want the freedom to go sleep with someone else, that's their price of admission. You can decide that is a price you are willing to pay, or not. If the person is worth the trouble, the compromise, the hassle, then you'll probably pay the price . . .of admission. If not, it's a good signal to go your separate ways. I believer everyone has these prices, some come cheap, others are very costly.
I've realized that as I get pickier about who I date and what I want in a relationship, I have these lines-in-the-sand. There are few things that I'm really strict about, but those are absolutes. A few examples: accepting of all sexualities, races, religions and creeds, not a video gamer, active/non-couch potato. Most of my requirements are fairly broad and can be open to interpretation (by me of course) as need dictates. Dating is a process to filter out the men who don't meet my requirements and hopefully find one who does.
I do think that having requirements is slightly different than ultimatums. To me, an ultimatum is like a cease and desist order. You've been doing A. I find A to be unacceptable. Please cease and desist. At what point in a relationship do you give an ultimatum? That being said, what makes an ultimatum inherently different than a request? I've been involved with a person or two that making requests, both on his part and mine, were the opposite of the high drama, be-all-end-all of an ultimatum. I asked if he wouldn't mind now smoking around me, or he asked if I would limit my snarky comments to ten a day. Neither request was met with any hostility. Part of a good relationship is being able to ask for what you want/need without the other person overreacting. Relationships are always a give and take.
The difference must be that an ultimatum means "if you say no, we're over" where any other request is still open for debate and compromise. The timeline of what you can/should ask for and when or how often . . . That is in need of a much finer comb to untangle.
Friday, January 18, 2013
Booby Traps
<Scene: enter Elmer Fudd, dressed in his brown hunting gear, complete with ridiculous hat>
Elmer: Shhhhhh, I'm hunting wabbits. . . .
(three, two, one) SHA-PING! He's caught by the ankle in a rope snare and whipped up by the poor sapling he used, only to dangle helplessly mid air as Bugs Bunny inevitably asks
"Ehh, What's up doc?"
What plays in my head when I hear booby trap. Well, after the thirteen year old me finishes snickering.
Dating is full of booby traps. They are different than minefields. Booby traps are ones that we know are there and yet manage to get caught in any way, a la Elmer Fudd. [I know that technically booby traps can be and often are hidden, thinking specifically of the Vietnam War, but they never really are in the cartoons.] Mines are the ones we didn't know were there or see them but when we bump them they blow up in our faces. Today's musing is booby traps (heh, heh).
This time of year is booby trap city. It starts with Thanksgiving really, I suppose. Thanksgiving and Christmas are both family holidays. Therefore, if you are still early on in dating someone, as I think I kind of am (more on that in the next blog), there is usually at least one awkward conversation about meeting family. Are you coming to my family thing? Me to yours? It's difficult to meet your partners family for the first time at Thanksgiving or Christmas because A) there is likely to be more family around than just the usual clan, B) there are all kind
of traditions and family must-dos to wade through, C) there's alcohol, which even if you don't over drink, someone else might and an embarrassing encounter with Uncle Ed is the last thing you want to be your first impression.
I've kind of been dating someone and we somehow skated through the November-December holidays without issue. It helped that I was out of town for Thanksgiving, hence making it a moot point. For Christmas he had a ton of familial obligations with all kind of family so I (perhaps slightly less than delicately) told him to go do his family thing and I'd see him after Christmas for New Years.
Another booby trap. We did make New Year's Eve plans. It's the first time I've had a "date" for NYE in . . . uh . . counting. . .well, hmmmm . . . anyway. Dinner, a show, a midnight kiss. No friends around to mingle with, just us so it was easy really. I did meet a couple of his friends the day before and I think I passed. It was good that we were at a Seahawks game which provided ample distraction and gave us all a common cause. Otherwise meeting the friends can turn into a grilling.
Whew, you're thinking you've missed the booby traps by making it into the new year. Silly you. Target started putting out Valentine's Day decorations two days after Christmas just to remind you that another, and potentially the biggest booby trap is around the corner. Valentine's Day can be tough even for established couples. If you are dating, eeeeekkkkkkk. Are we making plans? If so, how serious? Gifts? Again, how serious? There's all this pressure from society to give in and do flowers and cards and chocolates and stuffed bears and jewelry and lingerie and aaaaaaaggggghhhhhh. I believe, as many do, that Valentine's is a crock of consumerism BS concocted to get us to by stuff in the post-holiday lull. I haven't had Valentine's plans in, well, about as long as I haven't had NYE plans.
I've sort of managed to sidestep this one too I think. I'm scheduled to be out of town for work on the actual day. Since I'll be home for the weekend and then gone again, we sort of assume we'll see each other. The catch is the gift/no-gift (which also comes up at Christmas). I don't want V-Day to be an overblown awkward incident. Let's just make awesome plans like we do on so many other weekends and call it good. Flowers would be nice but that is plenty sufficient.
Not too long after Valentine's Day is my birthday. Again, we're back to gift/no gift. Gifts always are fraught with tension. Was is personal enough but not too over the top or was it dreadfully generic? Did one person spend obviously more than the other? Was one gift a sign of taking things to the next level? Did one person not get a gift to give? Stress central. With this particular guy, his birthday is about two weeks after mine, so we do this dance all over again.
Thank goodness for holidays like Arbor Day and Independence Day. They might be my new favorites, along with Memorial Day and Labor Day of course.
Elmer: Shhhhhh, I'm hunting wabbits. . . .
"Ehh, What's up doc?"
What plays in my head when I hear booby trap. Well, after the thirteen year old me finishes snickering.
Dating is full of booby traps. They are different than minefields. Booby traps are ones that we know are there and yet manage to get caught in any way, a la Elmer Fudd. [I know that technically booby traps can be and often are hidden, thinking specifically of the Vietnam War, but they never really are in the cartoons.] Mines are the ones we didn't know were there or see them but when we bump them they blow up in our faces. Today's musing is booby traps (heh, heh).
of traditions and family must-dos to wade through, C) there's alcohol, which even if you don't over drink, someone else might and an embarrassing encounter with Uncle Ed is the last thing you want to be your first impression.
I've kind of been dating someone and we somehow skated through the November-December holidays without issue. It helped that I was out of town for Thanksgiving, hence making it a moot point. For Christmas he had a ton of familial obligations with all kind of family so I (perhaps slightly less than delicately) told him to go do his family thing and I'd see him after Christmas for New Years.
Another booby trap. We did make New Year's Eve plans. It's the first time I've had a "date" for NYE in . . . uh . . counting. . .well, hmmmm . . . anyway. Dinner, a show, a midnight kiss. No friends around to mingle with, just us so it was easy really. I did meet a couple of his friends the day before and I think I passed. It was good that we were at a Seahawks game which provided ample distraction and gave us all a common cause. Otherwise meeting the friends can turn into a grilling.
Whew, you're thinking you've missed the booby traps by making it into the new year. Silly you. Target started putting out Valentine's Day decorations two days after Christmas just to remind you that another, and potentially the biggest booby trap is around the corner. Valentine's Day can be tough even for established couples. If you are dating, eeeeekkkkkkk. Are we making plans? If so, how serious? Gifts? Again, how serious? There's all this pressure from society to give in and do flowers and cards and chocolates and stuffed bears and jewelry and lingerie and aaaaaaaggggghhhhhh. I believe, as many do, that Valentine's is a crock of consumerism BS concocted to get us to by stuff in the post-holiday lull. I haven't had Valentine's plans in, well, about as long as I haven't had NYE plans.
Not too long after Valentine's Day is my birthday. Again, we're back to gift/no gift. Gifts always are fraught with tension. Was is personal enough but not too over the top or was it dreadfully generic? Did one person spend obviously more than the other? Was one gift a sign of taking things to the next level? Did one person not get a gift to give? Stress central. With this particular guy, his birthday is about two weeks after mine, so we do this dance all over again.
Thank goodness for holidays like Arbor Day and Independence Day. They might be my new favorites, along with Memorial Day and Labor Day of course.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Tired of Dating
The alternate title for this blog is "When will I be in a relationship?"
I went back through my planner and counted. I dated twenty one guys in 2012. Not too shabby considering I wasn't really back in Seattle until the beginning of March. The majority of those were first date only. About six of those guys were multi-daters, as in two or more.
Two of those I saw regularly for more than two months.
There were fifteen others that I emailed or texted (please advise on the grammar of this verb) but never materialized into a date.
Granted, 2012 didn't quite end up being the year of a thousand first dates. I fell woefully short of that. Averaging 2.1 first dates per month means I'm trying. I'm putting myself out there. I'm meeting people.
It takes a lot of effort to date. Lots more effort than being in a relationship. When you are first dating someone you have to be on your best behavior all the time. The comedienne Whitney Cummings has a great bit about trying not to fart when you are out on dates for the first six months. It's true! No burping, no farting, perfect make-up, great hair, high heels, going out, being fun, not stressing about things, etc, etc.
When you've relaxed into a relationship, you can wear sneakers, you can have a sweats and movie on the sofa day, you can be your slightly lazy, occasionally slobby self. But not when you are dating. Not that you can't be yourself, but you have to be your best self. You not neurotic, not whiny, never smelly, always done up, fun and funny self.
First and second and sometimes third dates are lots of small talk too. Have you ever been to a party, maybe a work party, maybe a networking thing, where you had to make a lot of small talk for say, four hours? That's tiring. You basically have the same conversation, or version of a conversation, over and over and over. It reminds me of being a foreigner in Indonesia. The limited English of many of the Indonesians meant that the conversation was the same "How are you? " "Where are you from?" "Do you like Indonesia?" "How old are you?" "Where do you live?" That's about the extent of it.
First dates are "What do you do for work?" "Where did you grow up?" "What do you do for fun?" "blah, blah, blah". You watch for red flags, you use enough common sense to not ask the really key things you might want to know, like how long was your last relationship or when was your last long term relationship and why did it end. You have to roll those out slowly because, lord knows, you don't want to bog through that conversation if you don't have to because they hit four other red flags in the basic small talk.
While I am tired of dating and ready for some quality time with "my man" on the sofa, I am not yet willing to settle! I will not keep dating a guy who is a mismatch for me just to get to sofa time. Here's to pursing a great relationship in 2013 with as much if not more vigor than before!!
I went back through my planner and counted. I dated twenty one guys in 2012. Not too shabby considering I wasn't really back in Seattle until the beginning of March. The majority of those were first date only. About six of those guys were multi-daters, as in two or more.
Two of those I saw regularly for more than two months.
There were fifteen others that I emailed or texted (please advise on the grammar of this verb) but never materialized into a date.
Granted, 2012 didn't quite end up being the year of a thousand first dates. I fell woefully short of that. Averaging 2.1 first dates per month means I'm trying. I'm putting myself out there. I'm meeting people.
It takes a lot of effort to date. Lots more effort than being in a relationship. When you are first dating someone you have to be on your best behavior all the time. The comedienne Whitney Cummings has a great bit about trying not to fart when you are out on dates for the first six months. It's true! No burping, no farting, perfect make-up, great hair, high heels, going out, being fun, not stressing about things, etc, etc.
When you've relaxed into a relationship, you can wear sneakers, you can have a sweats and movie on the sofa day, you can be your slightly lazy, occasionally slobby self. But not when you are dating. Not that you can't be yourself, but you have to be your best self. You not neurotic, not whiny, never smelly, always done up, fun and funny self.
First and second and sometimes third dates are lots of small talk too. Have you ever been to a party, maybe a work party, maybe a networking thing, where you had to make a lot of small talk for say, four hours? That's tiring. You basically have the same conversation, or version of a conversation, over and over and over. It reminds me of being a foreigner in Indonesia. The limited English of many of the Indonesians meant that the conversation was the same "How are you? " "Where are you from?" "Do you like Indonesia?" "How old are you?" "Where do you live?" That's about the extent of it.
First dates are "What do you do for work?" "Where did you grow up?" "What do you do for fun?" "blah, blah, blah". You watch for red flags, you use enough common sense to not ask the really key things you might want to know, like how long was your last relationship or when was your last long term relationship and why did it end. You have to roll those out slowly because, lord knows, you don't want to bog through that conversation if you don't have to because they hit four other red flags in the basic small talk.
While I am tired of dating and ready for some quality time with "my man" on the sofa, I am not yet willing to settle! I will not keep dating a guy who is a mismatch for me just to get to sofa time. Here's to pursing a great relationship in 2013 with as much if not more vigor than before!!
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Crush
In general, I'm against unrequited love. Out movie and pop culture tells us that it's romantic and dreamy. That being in love with someone who is in love with someone else is apparently as common as, well the common cold. Check out many of the popular movies: twilight (I think there's the werewolf kid who loves the creepy emo chick but she loves the vampire. I'll confess, I didn't do my homework on this one as that would require watching those movies). I did see Les Miserables last week and there was a similar love triangle with two girls falling for the same boy.
[As aside: I don't watch romantic comedies. I don't think they give people a realistic hope for their own lives, or are particularly funny. I realize that we should be able to set our expectations based on real life, but many people seem to have trouble making that distinction. Unrequited, undeclared, unfilled love often plays a big role in these movies.]
What's the point in pining after someone who is either oblivious of your feelings, or who is aware of them and simply doesn't feel the same way? It's not ideal by any stretch of the mind.
That said, there is something kind of fun about an old school junior high crush. I've got one. I've had it for a little while. It's someone that I'm not pursuing. I don't think (I hope) that he doesn't know. I doubt a relationship between us would work and I'm at a place in my life where I have a fair grasp of whether a relationship is possible within a couple meetings.
With a crush, that doesn't matter. It's not about the relationship. It's about getting jelly kneed in their presence. It's about the fact that's he's gorgeous. It's that he's totally unattainable, but I'm not really going to try. It's because I feel like I'm about 16 again when I'm near him.
I won't say too much for fear of exposing who it is. I'll simply say he's a friend of a friend who I see every couple months. Our lives hardly cross. Yet every time I'm near him I get butterflies. I don't think of him if I haven't seen him. But when I do see him, it fuels my imagination for a couple days.
Sigh! Where's my notebook? I could totally doodle some butterflies and hearts right now.
[As aside: I don't watch romantic comedies. I don't think they give people a realistic hope for their own lives, or are particularly funny. I realize that we should be able to set our expectations based on real life, but many people seem to have trouble making that distinction. Unrequited, undeclared, unfilled love often plays a big role in these movies.]
What's the point in pining after someone who is either oblivious of your feelings, or who is aware of them and simply doesn't feel the same way? It's not ideal by any stretch of the mind.
That said, there is something kind of fun about an old school junior high crush. I've got one. I've had it for a little while. It's someone that I'm not pursuing. I don't think (I hope) that he doesn't know. I doubt a relationship between us would work and I'm at a place in my life where I have a fair grasp of whether a relationship is possible within a couple meetings.
With a crush, that doesn't matter. It's not about the relationship. It's about getting jelly kneed in their presence. It's about the fact that's he's gorgeous. It's that he's totally unattainable, but I'm not really going to try. It's because I feel like I'm about 16 again when I'm near him.
I won't say too much for fear of exposing who it is. I'll simply say he's a friend of a friend who I see every couple months. Our lives hardly cross. Yet every time I'm near him I get butterflies. I don't think of him if I haven't seen him. But when I do see him, it fuels my imagination for a couple days.
Sigh! Where's my notebook? I could totally doodle some butterflies and hearts right now.
Wednesday, January 09, 2013
Baggage Theory
I've narrowed my philosophy on this one this:
I'm looking for someone who has carry on baggage, not checked.
Carry on baggage means:
you know how to travel light. Work with what you've got. You're willing to do laundry instead of carry extra clothes. You prefer to fly through the airport, only arriving an hour before your flight, and know how to get through security without setting off a metal detector.
Checked baggage means:
You favor stuff over the mobility to do stuff. You are potentially inexperienced, taking everything with you, instead of making do and letting go. You have to spend lots of time waiting both to check and retrieve your stuff.
I'm proud of the fact that my baggage is carry on. Maybe it's because I've evolved as I've traveled. I take less stuff. I won't break my back to have an extra change of clothes. I know that if I forget my ________ (toothbrush, flip flops, etc) I can buy them there. I know it's easier to buy liquids like shampoo wherever I'm going. I like not waiting in line to hand over my bag only to worry if it will show up at the same place and at the same time that I do. I like flinging my bag on my back and being boat/bus/hike ready. All of that is true when I travel. Most of it is also true for my emotional baggage. I like that I'm not being crushed under the weight of past hurts. I feel that I've learned from past mistakes, I acknowledge their role in shaping who I am now, and importantly who I date now..
I usually say that I got out of a marriage about as well as anyone could. No kids, we sold or split the rest of the "things" we had together. I went to see a psychiatrist even when he wouldn't. I made peace with my decisions, let myself off the hook for some of the bad ones, resolved to make fewer bad ones in the future and enjoy my life.
Right now, most of my dates are from online sites. For better or worse, that means I can filter who I date with a simple check box. While there currently isn't a "beard" or "no beard" box to check, I do filter out men with kids. Kids is a level of baggage that some with staff and ex's and and and . . . .WHOA. I don't even know if I want my own yet but I'm sure that at this point, I don't want someone else's. They may be great kids (because doesn't everyone think their own kids are great?) but they come with an ex-wife or ex-gf who is permanently attached to them.
I'll have you know I had some great visuals, but for the second post in a row, I can't upload pictures again! ARGH, damn you Blogger! --UPDATE: HAH! I found a work around!
Saturday, January 05, 2013
Date Wait
This is, in most ways, coupled with the post called "Procrastin-hater". If you haven't read it, click here.
How long do you wait?
Classic example:
Farm Boy and I had a great first date. Great enough that I could even overlook the beard enough for a second date. We went out for dinner and drinks. We laughed, we talked, there were no awkward silences, no red flags.Three days later we had a second date. It was the holidays, we were both free and seemingly enjoying each others company. We even saw each other the day after that.
And then . . .
Well, not nothing. He texts every day or two. He has to work and be up early for work. Then he was sick. He said he'd like to see me again, soon. That was in a text four days ago. Since then there hasn't been a plan, a suggestion, an asking for a date.
I finally asked. Not a "Friday at 7pm at The Restaurant" but more like "dinner and/or a movie soon?"
The reply? Maybe I'm still tired.
How long is a girl to sit around and wait? While I don't think that references to princesses, thinking the likes of rapunzel or sleeping beauty, are appropriate, I hate waiting around to be asked.
Now, before you women's lib folks get your panties all in a bunch, if you're wearing any, let me say I have asked in the past. And that folks, does not work. At least not in the realm of online dating. maybe 2% of the time that I message first or ask them out online, there's a reply. Most of those replies are of the "thanks but no thanks" variety. Men who say they love it when women ask them out might be truthful, but I'm skeptical. Or the women asking men out thing pans out much better in movies or reality than online.
A girl is then left to wait
and wait
and wait
to be contacted. And then you're left with the options of whoever emails you! I claim to be neither God's gift to men, nor a deformed troll from under a bridge, but at least half of the guys who message me are a no right off. Some aren't physically attractive to me, some are obviously not going to be a match simply based on their interests or poor grasp of the English language. It's making me wonder why I continue with online dating. Then I realize it accounts for roughly 80% of my dates in the last year.
How long do you wait?
Classic example:
Farm Boy and I had a great first date. Great enough that I could even overlook the beard enough for a second date. We went out for dinner and drinks. We laughed, we talked, there were no awkward silences, no red flags.Three days later we had a second date. It was the holidays, we were both free and seemingly enjoying each others company. We even saw each other the day after that.
And then . . .
Well, not nothing. He texts every day or two. He has to work and be up early for work. Then he was sick. He said he'd like to see me again, soon. That was in a text four days ago. Since then there hasn't been a plan, a suggestion, an asking for a date.
I finally asked. Not a "Friday at 7pm at The Restaurant" but more like "dinner and/or a movie soon?"
The reply? Maybe I'm still tired.
How long is a girl to sit around and wait? While I don't think that references to princesses, thinking the likes of rapunzel or sleeping beauty, are appropriate, I hate waiting around to be asked.
Now, before you women's lib folks get your panties all in a bunch, if you're wearing any, let me say I have asked in the past. And that folks, does not work. At least not in the realm of online dating. maybe 2% of the time that I message first or ask them out online, there's a reply. Most of those replies are of the "thanks but no thanks" variety. Men who say they love it when women ask them out might be truthful, but I'm skeptical. Or the women asking men out thing pans out much better in movies or reality than online.
A girl is then left to wait
and wait
and wait
to be contacted. And then you're left with the options of whoever emails you! I claim to be neither God's gift to men, nor a deformed troll from under a bridge, but at least half of the guys who message me are a no right off. Some aren't physically attractive to me, some are obviously not going to be a match simply based on their interests or poor grasp of the English language. It's making me wonder why I continue with online dating. Then I realize it accounts for roughly 80% of my dates in the last year.
Wednesday, January 02, 2013
Holiday Lonlies
The holidays are tough. The shopping, parking, the chaos, cooking, family, the long cold dark days . . . .Do I need to continue? It almost makes even agnostic/semi-atheistic folks like myself glad that the Christian propaganda machine co-opted a mid-winter holiday that's taken over the globe.
The holidays are tough for the folks who have family. Now, in some way, we all have family. There are three basic family types when I think about it.
* The first is your given family. They are the people who raised you, potentially genetic relations, potentially adoptive relations.
* The second is a family you choose. I have a handful of close friends who are my family. Especially when living overseas, this kind of family is common and necessary. When you live far away from your given family, you need other people to make your life abroad. These are the people that you depend on, who bring you soup when you are sick, who celebrate your birthday with you, who cry along with you and then drink along with you.
* The third family is the one you make, i.e. marriage, relationships and procreation/adoption. Obvious! Also, one I don't have at the mo.
Holidays exacerbate a situation for people are lacking family. I think of myself as a friendly, active person with people in her life. That said, this holiday season, my given family (what little of it I have) were away. My chosen family are, for the most part, in other countries and other parts of this country. E was my rock as he hosted brunch on Christmas. He is the Star of Bethlehem in my Christmas story this year. Other than that, no one was around. Not for fault of their own, I'm not blaming them. It's impossible to pluck a friend from Madrid, a few from Jakarta, one from California, etc, etc, until we get the "beam me up" style technology I keep hoping for. All that considered, I had pangs of loneliness and twinges of depression.
Apparently, I am not the only one. I had a few first dates in December. I thought I was doing pretty well only to find out that a couple of my friends had even more dates. One girlfriend had about seven dates in two weeks. Another male friend had so many I couldn't keep them straight as he was telling me about them. How did I not know that December was dating gold?
Granted, the results don't seem to be any better (or worse) than dating any other time of the year. Santa didn't bring me Mr. Fantastic this year. I didn't stumble into him while Christmas shopping rom-com style. But, as I always advocate, meeting more people means that the laws of averages have to bend in your favor at some point!
I am interested to see what happens now, after the new year has sprung and we are in the marshlands between NYE and Valentine's Day. Will the dates continue? Will men lay low until after cupid has disappeared for another year? In the meantime, keep your fingers crossed as the last of the holiday cheer runs its course. Another first day next week!
The holidays are tough for the folks who have family. Now, in some way, we all have family. There are three basic family types when I think about it.
* The first is your given family. They are the people who raised you, potentially genetic relations, potentially adoptive relations.
* The second is a family you choose. I have a handful of close friends who are my family. Especially when living overseas, this kind of family is common and necessary. When you live far away from your given family, you need other people to make your life abroad. These are the people that you depend on, who bring you soup when you are sick, who celebrate your birthday with you, who cry along with you and then drink along with you.
* The third family is the one you make, i.e. marriage, relationships and procreation/adoption. Obvious! Also, one I don't have at the mo.
Holidays exacerbate a situation for people are lacking family. I think of myself as a friendly, active person with people in her life. That said, this holiday season, my given family (what little of it I have) were away. My chosen family are, for the most part, in other countries and other parts of this country. E was my rock as he hosted brunch on Christmas. He is the Star of Bethlehem in my Christmas story this year. Other than that, no one was around. Not for fault of their own, I'm not blaming them. It's impossible to pluck a friend from Madrid, a few from Jakarta, one from California, etc, etc, until we get the "beam me up" style technology I keep hoping for. All that considered, I had pangs of loneliness and twinges of depression.
Apparently, I am not the only one. I had a few first dates in December. I thought I was doing pretty well only to find out that a couple of my friends had even more dates. One girlfriend had about seven dates in two weeks. Another male friend had so many I couldn't keep them straight as he was telling me about them. How did I not know that December was dating gold?
Granted, the results don't seem to be any better (or worse) than dating any other time of the year. Santa didn't bring me Mr. Fantastic this year. I didn't stumble into him while Christmas shopping rom-com style. But, as I always advocate, meeting more people means that the laws of averages have to bend in your favor at some point!
I am interested to see what happens now, after the new year has sprung and we are in the marshlands between NYE and Valentine's Day. Will the dates continue? Will men lay low until after cupid has disappeared for another year? In the meantime, keep your fingers crossed as the last of the holiday cheer runs its course. Another first day next week!
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Interviews as Sexless Dates
Interviewing is like dating companies or recruiters.
You meet them online. The first thing a smart girl does is google them and really give their profile on linkedin or careerbuilder a good once (or twice) over. I carefully consider the possibility it will be a good match. Then, if we both see fit, we schedule an interview/date.
I dress up, spending time to look my best. I arrive a little early with butterflies in my stomach as I face the semi-known. The interview/date starts with handshakes, small talk, and eases into more meaningful conversation. The next period of time flies by in a rush of nerves, questions, eye contact, nervous laughter.
Well. . .it's getting late. . .I should go . . .
We exchange niceties, shake hands, and part ways. The drive home provides time for my racing mind to unravel what just happened. Did they say that? What did that mean? How does that mesh with my expectations and wants? I call a friend to go over all the gory details and make a plan to go forward. Pros and cons are laid out. Options suggested and considered.
If it went well, I walk away with adrenaline rushing, a smile on my face and hope in my heart. Then it's just like dating. I wait to get an email or phone call. It never comes soon enough. I both want the call to come and dread it. If they aren't interested, it's a call that may never come because no one ever man's up and just says "that was a good interview/date but it's not quite what I am looking for. Good luck in your search". No one can be bothered to let someone know, gently and nicely. It's easier to vanish.
If it didn't, go so well then they end up on here as a tale to tell.
You meet them online. The first thing a smart girl does is google them and really give their profile on linkedin or careerbuilder a good once (or twice) over. I carefully consider the possibility it will be a good match. Then, if we both see fit, we schedule an interview/date.
I dress up, spending time to look my best. I arrive a little early with butterflies in my stomach as I face the semi-known. The interview/date starts with handshakes, small talk, and eases into more meaningful conversation. The next period of time flies by in a rush of nerves, questions, eye contact, nervous laughter.
Well. . .it's getting late. . .I should go . . .
We exchange niceties, shake hands, and part ways. The drive home provides time for my racing mind to unravel what just happened. Did they say that? What did that mean? How does that mesh with my expectations and wants? I call a friend to go over all the gory details and make a plan to go forward. Pros and cons are laid out. Options suggested and considered.
If it went well, I walk away with adrenaline rushing, a smile on my face and hope in my heart. Then it's just like dating. I wait to get an email or phone call. It never comes soon enough. I both want the call to come and dread it. If they aren't interested, it's a call that may never come because no one ever man's up and just says "that was a good interview/date but it's not quite what I am looking for. Good luck in your search". No one can be bothered to let someone know, gently and nicely. It's easier to vanish.
If it didn't, go so well then they end up on here as a tale to tell.
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