Friday, January 11, 2013

Tired of Dating

The alternate title for this blog is "When will I be in a relationship?"

I went back through my planner and counted. I dated twenty one guys in 2012.  Not too shabby considering I wasn't really back in Seattle until the beginning of March.  The majority of those were first date only.  About six of those guys were multi-daters, as in two or more.
Two of those I saw regularly for more than two months.
There were fifteen others that I emailed or texted (please advise on the grammar of this verb) but never materialized into a date. 

Granted, 2012 didn't quite end up being the year of a thousand first dates.  I fell woefully short of that. Averaging 2.1 first dates per month means I'm trying.  I'm putting myself out there.  I'm meeting people.

It takes a lot of effort to date.  Lots more effort than being in a relationship.  When you are first dating someone you have to be on your best behavior all the time. The comedienne Whitney Cummings has a great bit about trying not to fart when you are out on dates for the first six months. It's true! No burping, no farting, perfect make-up, great hair, high heels, going out, being fun, not stressing about things, etc, etc.

When you've relaxed into a relationship, you can wear sneakers, you can have a sweats and movie on the sofa day, you can be your slightly lazy, occasionally slobby self. But not when you are dating. Not that you can't be yourself, but you have to be your best self.  You not neurotic, not whiny, never smelly, always done up, fun and funny self.

First and second and sometimes third dates are lots of small talk too.  Have you ever been to a party, maybe a work party, maybe a networking thing, where you had to make a lot of small talk for say, four hours?  That's tiring. You basically have the same conversation, or version of a conversation, over and over and over.  It reminds me of being a foreigner in Indonesia.  The limited English of many of the Indonesians meant that the conversation was the same "How are you? " "Where are you from?" "Do you like Indonesia?" "How old are you?" "Where do you live?" That's about the extent of it.

First dates are  "What do you do for work?" "Where did you grow up?" "What do you do for fun?" "blah, blah, blah". You watch for red flags, you use enough common sense to not ask the really key things you might want to know, like how long was your last relationship or when was your last long term relationship and why did it end. You have to roll those out slowly because, lord knows, you don't want to bog through that conversation if you don't have to because they hit four other red flags in the basic small talk.

While I am tired of dating and ready for some quality time with "my man" on the sofa, I am not yet willing to settle! I will not keep dating a guy who is a mismatch for me just to get to sofa time. Here's to pursing a great relationship in 2013 with as much if not more vigor than before!!

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