As a straight female I know a date has gone poorly if I walk away from it fairly certain that the guy I was just with is gay . . . he just doesn't know it yet. I told a friend about this date and her words were "are there still guys like that at our age?" Apparently there are.
"Rick" messaged me through an online dating site. I was a bit reticent because the email made me think of those overboard Indonesian men. "You're so beautiful. I want to meet you. Blah blah, so beautiful, blah. ." Not that I mind being told I'm beautiful but when you haven't even seen me in person, it feels a bit much.
After a few emails, we switched to texting. That was a mistake on my part. I found myself in the word of "check in" messages. In the morning I'd get a "Good Morning/How did you sleep" message. Then a mid day "Hope your day is good" message. After work a "How is your afternoon" message. In the evening a "Sleep well" message. There were other random texts sprinkled throughout the day as well. I don't text someone I'm interested a hundred times a day and I don't want that in return.
I wasn't all that sure about him from his profile but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Not everyone comes off great online even if they are in real life. I should've followed my gut.
We met at a local restaurant/bar. His profile said 5'10'' but I looked him straight in the eye. He was slim, slender, thin even. Not my type. His voice was the first give away. You know the one I'm talking about. Not that every gay guy has "that voice" but his was the sterotypical one, higher than most guys, a little breathy, lots of ummms. He was awkward sitting in a bar stool, didn't eat and only had one beer. The conversation stalled numerous times and was buoyed by talking to the bar tender about drinks. The awkwardness only accelerated as he began to unravel his life's story. Some info on a first date is good. All your dirty laundry and sob stories aren't.
I thought it couldn't get more awkward than his excuses about not having money to pay. I put it on my card and he insisted on giving me all $17 cash from his wallet. I was wrong. We walked out to the parking lot and had a light, clumsy hug. As I said goodbye, turned around and took two steps he said, in a voice that made me think of a thirteen year old "IwanttokissyoucanIkissyou?" while grinding the toe of his shoe into the cement. Um, no.
I can't fully illustrate the situation but I doubt few of you would have guessed him straight either. Of course, the less you want a guy to call after the date the more apt he is to. I got a message the next day saying what a great time he had (maybe he hit his head on the way home) and asking to see me again. I politely and tactfully declined.
Apologies for my excessive use of the word awkward, but when the shoe (or slipper) fits. . .
Friday, July 20, 2012
Monday, July 16, 2012
Date Fail #3 - Beige
The color beige is fairly non-descript and non-offensive. It's also not interesting.
I was contracted through an online dating site by Beige. He wanted a date to his military ball, the next Friday. I figured, for good or for bad, it would be an interesting first date so why the hell not?! It took three days before he mentioned the details and we realized that the ball started in Tacoma at 5pm. I didn't finish work until 5 in Renton. That meant with changing and driving through traffic, I wouldn't arrive before 7. The ball on Friday was scrapped in favor of a Mariners game on Thursday.
He picked me up and instead of ringing the doorbell he sent me a text from the car. Strike one.
On the drive up he told me all about his military disability (hearing loss), the pneumo-thoraxes he got in high school, the vertigo he suffers from, how he'd been hurt before and didn't trust people. Strike two.
I picked out and paid for the tickets. He paid for the food. The weather was nice, the Mariners weren't winning but that's wasn't a surprise. We found our seats and the conversation ran out about fifteen minutes later.
Our neighbors in the bleechers were three familys with five young kids among them. Since I attract children like flowers attract bees it wasn't long until I was talking with the kids and their parents. One mom was a school teacher. The kids shared their cotton candy. Then Ray struck up a conversation about beer. He was the cutest of the three dads. He was friendly but not overly so. We talked about different types of beer and local microbrews. He asked if we were together and I said it was a first date. He asked how the date was going. It got so quiet I swear I could hear the umpires blinking.
Awkward.
All the wives and kids disappeared to the play area. I talked with all three dads about beer, the upcoming Freemont street fair, etc. As they were leaving Ray asked for my info so we could hang out. Yup, just got hit on by a married guy while I was on a date with someone who couldn't maintain a conversation.
I only traded a couple emails with Ray but it served to emphasis how bland Beige was.
The drive home wasn't as awkward as I expected but the drop off was. Beige pulled up to my house and left the motor running. I opened the door and was half out of the car when he said "What? No hug?" He was still in the car. Nothing more romantic than an "in the car, over the stick shift, first date ending hug". My hands were full and I said that it was not an easy way to hug. He didn't make a move to get out of the car. Strike three. You're out.
I was relieved that he never called.
I was contracted through an online dating site by Beige. He wanted a date to his military ball, the next Friday. I figured, for good or for bad, it would be an interesting first date so why the hell not?! It took three days before he mentioned the details and we realized that the ball started in Tacoma at 5pm. I didn't finish work until 5 in Renton. That meant with changing and driving through traffic, I wouldn't arrive before 7. The ball on Friday was scrapped in favor of a Mariners game on Thursday.
He picked me up and instead of ringing the doorbell he sent me a text from the car. Strike one.
On the drive up he told me all about his military disability (hearing loss), the pneumo-thoraxes he got in high school, the vertigo he suffers from, how he'd been hurt before and didn't trust people. Strike two.
I picked out and paid for the tickets. He paid for the food. The weather was nice, the Mariners weren't winning but that's wasn't a surprise. We found our seats and the conversation ran out about fifteen minutes later.
Our neighbors in the bleechers were three familys with five young kids among them. Since I attract children like flowers attract bees it wasn't long until I was talking with the kids and their parents. One mom was a school teacher. The kids shared their cotton candy. Then Ray struck up a conversation about beer. He was the cutest of the three dads. He was friendly but not overly so. We talked about different types of beer and local microbrews. He asked if we were together and I said it was a first date. He asked how the date was going. It got so quiet I swear I could hear the umpires blinking.
Awkward.
All the wives and kids disappeared to the play area. I talked with all three dads about beer, the upcoming Freemont street fair, etc. As they were leaving Ray asked for my info so we could hang out. Yup, just got hit on by a married guy while I was on a date with someone who couldn't maintain a conversation.
I only traded a couple emails with Ray but it served to emphasis how bland Beige was.
The drive home wasn't as awkward as I expected but the drop off was. Beige pulled up to my house and left the motor running. I opened the door and was half out of the car when he said "What? No hug?" He was still in the car. Nothing more romantic than an "in the car, over the stick shift, first date ending hug". My hands were full and I said that it was not an easy way to hug. He didn't make a move to get out of the car. Strike three. You're out.
I was relieved that he never called.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Date Fail #4 - Babe
My friends had the best of intentions. I'd never been set up before, they know some single guys so they set up a date.
Babe works second shift so he's not off work until 1 am usually. I had a random Wednesday off from work so we arranged lunch.
The Mongolian grill was alright, nothing special but convenient location.
Babe was also alright, but nothing special. Mostly he was 22. A 22 that has never seen another country, that spent four years in the military, that seemed intimidated.
Anyone who knows me, knows that, at times, I can be intimidating. I'll cop to that. I could not be involved with someone who is intimidated by me from the word go.
Last nail in the coffin was no call/text for three days. When he did send one it was "hope the week went well". Men, take note. If you want a reply, ask a question or make a witty remark. The above example is a perfect example of a message i might recieve and think ". . .and?"
He was nice, but justly, has fallen by the way side.
New dating strategy
I went to dinner at a friend's house recently. We were seven ladies, all in varying degrees of singleness. Invariably the conversation moved to dating and men. Several of us participate in online dating. We shared horror stories and interesting events. We agreed that often one can tell if a man will be worth your time and energy in about five minutes. When you make a date, it's difficult to make a five minute date. Even a coffee date is a half an hour, more if you drink the bucket-sized venti. My new plan is to institute the coffee ordering date. Instead of ordering coffee, sitting, drinking it, talking, the man will get five minutes, give or take, to order coffee.
Obvious signs he won't make it past this truncated round one?
He spends more time talking to the barista than to me.
He orders a drink with more than three instructions. That means a "grande half caf, soy, two pumps caramel, three sweetners, iced frappuccino with whip and he's out.
He smells stronger (good or bad) than the coffee.
He's late.
He's poorly dressed.
He asks me to pay for his coffee.
He pulls out a secret flask to add to his coffee, and it's before 9pm.
He's uninteresting/boring/ugly/other obvious observation here.
Am I wrong to think that if you can't make a good impression in five minutes, what good will another twenty-five minutes do?
Obvious signs he won't make it past this truncated round one?
He spends more time talking to the barista than to me.
He orders a drink with more than three instructions. That means a "grande half caf, soy, two pumps caramel, three sweetners, iced frappuccino with whip and he's out.
He smells stronger (good or bad) than the coffee.
He's late.
He's poorly dressed.
He asks me to pay for his coffee.
He pulls out a secret flask to add to his coffee, and it's before 9pm.
He's uninteresting/boring/ugly/other obvious observation here.
Am I wrong to think that if you can't make a good impression in five minutes, what good will another twenty-five minutes do?
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Date Fail #2 - Unlucky lephrechaun
I met "Patty" at an Irish Bar on St. Patrick's Day. I was out with my friend Amber, having a blast and met him in the bar. After chatting for a few minutes, he asked for my number, which I gave him, and then I drifted back to my group. Lo and behold, he actually caleld before the night was out. He called the next night as well. Patty definitely earned some brownie points for calling, not just texting. After a week and a half of texting we set a date and met for drinks and dinner. Things went well. We agreed there should be a second date, which there was. The second date was a movie at his place. Afterwards we fell asleep on the sofa.
It was either shortly after the second date that Patty got lazy. He'd text late at night, after having dinner with his friends, and ask me to come over. He didn't want to meet out anywhere, only at his place. <EYE ROLL> Less than a month in and he'd on auto pilot. I insisted that the next time I saw him it would be out. He wanted to see me Saturday but ended up working 12 hours that day. I gave him and out but he insisted. Bad idea. He was beat and less than entertaining. A quick bite and he wanted to head home. I let him go, alone.
He said he'd call. He didn't. I didn't care. The strange part was that about four weeks later I got a text message. "Hey, how's the new job? I hope you're good". I had to write back asking who it was. He replied "Wow, it's Patty. Forgot me already?" My hint was obvious enough even he got it when I replied "Oh, It's been a while so I didn't figure I'd heard from you. . . How are you?"
That was the end of Patty.
It was either shortly after the second date that Patty got lazy. He'd text late at night, after having dinner with his friends, and ask me to come over. He didn't want to meet out anywhere, only at his place. <EYE ROLL> Less than a month in and he'd on auto pilot. I insisted that the next time I saw him it would be out. He wanted to see me Saturday but ended up working 12 hours that day. I gave him and out but he insisted. Bad idea. He was beat and less than entertaining. A quick bite and he wanted to head home. I let him go, alone.
He said he'd call. He didn't. I didn't care. The strange part was that about four weeks later I got a text message. "Hey, how's the new job? I hope you're good". I had to write back asking who it was. He replied "Wow, it's Patty. Forgot me already?" My hint was obvious enough even he got it when I replied "Oh, It's been a while so I didn't figure I'd heard from you. . . How are you?"
That was the end of Patty.
Wednesday, July 04, 2012
Independence Day
This is the first time in five years that I'm on American soil for Fourth of July. My world has expanded greatly in those years. As I type AMERICAN I am reminded of a Colombian friend who would take me to task for using that phrase. He always noted that America includes countries crom Canada to chile and everything between. The US is simply one part of America. That being said, I've had more Spanish speakers ask me if I'm from America than Los Estados Unidos. One phrase does trip off the tongue a bit easier than the other.
Fourth of July is more personal and freeing that BBQ and fireworks can illustrate. I am independent. I live alone, I make enough to support myself and pay down my debts. I am great company for myself and don't hide at home because I don't have someone to accompany me to events. I am actively seeking my bliss, on trails, rivers, lakes, as well as in bars, concert halls and theatres. I'm making friends and keeping in touch with those in Indonesia and Spain. Dating is an option but I will not settle for less than what I want/need. Even if it takes a hundred first dates to get there.
Enjoy your picinics, read up on Richard Henry Lee, listen to the 1812 overture and ponder why it symbolizes American Independence day and not a Russian military defeat, have some ribs instead of just hot dogs, consider weather Samueal Adams would have endorsed the Sam Adams your drinking.
To you Seattleites specifically, take photos. We all know how rare a sunny Fourth is. It won't happen again for an eon.
I hope to join you all once I'm released from the dungeon, I mean work.
Happy Fourth!
Fourth of July is more personal and freeing that BBQ and fireworks can illustrate. I am independent. I live alone, I make enough to support myself and pay down my debts. I am great company for myself and don't hide at home because I don't have someone to accompany me to events. I am actively seeking my bliss, on trails, rivers, lakes, as well as in bars, concert halls and theatres. I'm making friends and keeping in touch with those in Indonesia and Spain. Dating is an option but I will not settle for less than what I want/need. Even if it takes a hundred first dates to get there.
Enjoy your picinics, read up on Richard Henry Lee, listen to the 1812 overture and ponder why it symbolizes American Independence day and not a Russian military defeat, have some ribs instead of just hot dogs, consider weather Samueal Adams would have endorsed the Sam Adams your drinking.
To you Seattleites specifically, take photos. We all know how rare a sunny Fourth is. It won't happen again for an eon.
I hope to join you all once I'm released from the dungeon, I mean work.
Happy Fourth!
Tuesday, July 03, 2012
The year of a thousand first dates
That might be a little bit of an exaggeration. Maybe I should rename the blog the year of a hundred first dates. I've been back in the States just over four months now and I'm making the most of the time in all realms, including dating. I debated about writing on really personal stuff, aka dating and relationships, for a while before posting this. I've allowed glimpses of my relationship disasters in the past. I may be a bit gun shy due to lousy romantic comedies (which I have boycotted for years) that presume anyone I meet will stumble on this blog, realize I've written about them and calamity will ensue. The good news for all of you is that I'm not meeting many promising options so as they fall by the wayside I have new batches of stories.
Work has really ramped up and I refuse to sacrifice my social/active life leaving me little time for blogging. I'll try to run down the dates one or two at a time, hopefully allowing me to blog quickly and often. Since I've decided to blog about the dates, I'll have to go back and start from the beginning in March. Today's installment is Preggers.
I met preggers at a Meetup event. It was a bar night meet n greet. We chatted about work, why he'd move to Seattle, yadda, yadda. By nights end some four hours later at 1:30 am he was trying very hard to convince me to stay "on his sofa" for the night. Eyebrow raised, riiiight. he got my number (before the drunken persuasion began) and we parted ways. A date was made for a week or so in the future and we met at Japonesa, a Japanese-Mexican fusion restaurant. The conversation was middle of the road and the night wrapped up with a good night kiss, but me driving to my house alone.
Pregger text me a lot. I've learned I'm not a needy girl and if anything I tend to shy away from someone who calls or texts multiple times a day everyday, especially at the beginning of things. Some from him were "how was your day" style, some were "it's ten pm, come over". Some were unusual. Preggers text me from San Fran where he was visiting some friends. He said he'd had a meal of Indian food. I asked if it was good and he said "I feel pregnant". Not I feel stuffed, or like i have a food baby (also slightly suspect) but I feel pregnant. Now if he were Mr. Fantastic I could over look it but this was the straw the broke the camels back. I wasn't sold before that point and left shopping to others after.
DATE #1, FAIL.
Work has really ramped up and I refuse to sacrifice my social/active life leaving me little time for blogging. I'll try to run down the dates one or two at a time, hopefully allowing me to blog quickly and often. Since I've decided to blog about the dates, I'll have to go back and start from the beginning in March. Today's installment is Preggers.
I met preggers at a Meetup event. It was a bar night meet n greet. We chatted about work, why he'd move to Seattle, yadda, yadda. By nights end some four hours later at 1:30 am he was trying very hard to convince me to stay "on his sofa" for the night. Eyebrow raised, riiiight. he got my number (before the drunken persuasion began) and we parted ways. A date was made for a week or so in the future and we met at Japonesa, a Japanese-Mexican fusion restaurant. The conversation was middle of the road and the night wrapped up with a good night kiss, but me driving to my house alone.
Pregger text me a lot. I've learned I'm not a needy girl and if anything I tend to shy away from someone who calls or texts multiple times a day everyday, especially at the beginning of things. Some from him were "how was your day" style, some were "it's ten pm, come over". Some were unusual. Preggers text me from San Fran where he was visiting some friends. He said he'd had a meal of Indian food. I asked if it was good and he said "I feel pregnant". Not I feel stuffed, or like i have a food baby (also slightly suspect) but I feel pregnant. Now if he were Mr. Fantastic I could over look it but this was the straw the broke the camels back. I wasn't sold before that point and left shopping to others after.
DATE #1, FAIL.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)