Not the kind in a restaurant that brings you food.
I have learned some patience over the years. It's come very slowly. Most people who knew me growing up would say that I as ready for things to happen sooner rahter than later.
Now my patience come in drips and drabs, often in certain places in my life while it still lacks in others. It's very difficult to be patience when dating. You have a great date and then want the person to call NOW. You want to go out for another date SOON. Waiting for things to happen can be rough.
In other areas, I have "the patience of a saint", not my words. My mother has seen me interact with my grandmothers, both of whom before their deaths were affected by Alzheimer-esque symptoms. I could sit with Grandma B for several hours to her repetition of "where are you living now?", "how have you been?" and about three other questions. When we were driving home, she asked how I did it, enduring the same questions ad nauseum. My answer is that I don't know. She believes that with children and the eldery I have the patience of a saint, it's adults I have a problem with. She's probably just about right.
I guess it's that both of those groups have an excuse for their behaviour and their ignorance. Adults of the otherhand, are usually willfully stupid or rude, but tha't s a whole other blog.
Right now I'm waiting for work. My current contract ends November 22nd. I've known that for a while. There were several options on the table. If you've read the blog recently, you may have seen a post about Omaha. I've passed on that project in favor of staying at home. It doesn't seem like the best idea to have 25 move in and then spend six months half way across the country. There are four current options are in the PNW with varying levels of details and confirmation.
One won't start until January (unless it's delayed) and will run until May.
The second would be traveling along the I-5 corridor training at facilities in Washington and Oregon. This company has been looking for people on and off for over a year so I won't be holding my breath.
The third is very hazing. Potentially as provider elbow support at a health system with 100+ clinics going live over several months, starting soon, maybe. Very unconfirmed.
The fourth, at this point, will remain unmentioned because it is the one I am waiting to hear about.
waiting
WAITING
WAITING
Sigh, I'm just not good at this. The knot in my stomach tells me so.
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
A Purchase
Not the biggest purchase of my life, it was under $200.
Not the most important purchase ever.
A meaningful purchase, no doubt.
25 and I have finally used them so now I can talk about it.
A couple months ago we made our first joint, couple purchase. Now we'd gone to Arizona and dividy up those expenses. I got the rental car, he got hotels, etc. This was a coordinated purchase.
We bought . . .
sleeping bags.
Lafuma lightweight 35, 600 down fill mummy sleeping bags that squish down in compression sacks to about 1lb 14oz and the size of a Nalgene bottle. They have been very toasty so far and easy to compress. I'd highly recommend them.
We coordinated the purchase because we wanted to get bags that had the option to zip together. There are double bags, that is one big, two person bag. Then the problem is who carries it? What if I want to go camping without him? I don't want to pack the weight of both. This way, we don't have to zip together, and we didn't last weekend, but we can.
Some of you might be thinking "sleeping bags? that's a big purchase?" Yep, sure is. These bags were roughly $170 a piece. A chunk of change no matter how you look at it. We knew we'd want to camp and backpack several times this year, and probably next.
It was an investment in our time outdoors and in the relationship. We bought bags that wouuld allow us to go do the things we wanted to together, but it the relationship went belly up, we could walk away, taking our respective sleeping bags with us.
The bags are in the garage, living with our combined camping gear. It's all mixed up together, just the way joint possessions should be. Communal property. When we buy new gear, he buys some, I buy others and they all go in to the same box. I know part of the reason I was able to select the Optima is because I knew we'd have his Subaru to use for hiking and camping.
It seems a merging has begun.
Not the most important purchase ever.
A meaningful purchase, no doubt.
25 and I have finally used them so now I can talk about it.
A couple months ago we made our first joint, couple purchase. Now we'd gone to Arizona and dividy up those expenses. I got the rental car, he got hotels, etc. This was a coordinated purchase.
We bought . . .
sleeping bags.
Lafuma lightweight 35, 600 down fill mummy sleeping bags that squish down in compression sacks to about 1lb 14oz and the size of a Nalgene bottle. They have been very toasty so far and easy to compress. I'd highly recommend them.
We coordinated the purchase because we wanted to get bags that had the option to zip together. There are double bags, that is one big, two person bag. Then the problem is who carries it? What if I want to go camping without him? I don't want to pack the weight of both. This way, we don't have to zip together, and we didn't last weekend, but we can.
Some of you might be thinking "sleeping bags? that's a big purchase?" Yep, sure is. These bags were roughly $170 a piece. A chunk of change no matter how you look at it. We knew we'd want to camp and backpack several times this year, and probably next.
It was an investment in our time outdoors and in the relationship. We bought bags that wouuld allow us to go do the things we wanted to together, but it the relationship went belly up, we could walk away, taking our respective sleeping bags with us.
The bags are in the garage, living with our combined camping gear. It's all mixed up together, just the way joint possessions should be. Communal property. When we buy new gear, he buys some, I buy others and they all go in to the same box. I know part of the reason I was able to select the Optima is because I knew we'd have his Subaru to use for hiking and camping.
It seems a merging has begun.
Friday, September 06, 2013
What a Difference a Day Makes
Life is what happens when you're busy making plans they say.
What if I was making the plans that rushing up to meet me?
My contract is set to end the last week of November. I've know that since May. That's not a shock. I keep track of it so I know when I have to start the job (yes, it's like a second job) of finding a new contract.
I thought the new contract offer would come in October. These things take time to put together don't ya know. 25 and I knew it would mean a talk. We'd had a talk about having a talk. I never say "talk" because that's not how we are. We can converse openly about things in the relationship and don't let it build up in to a "We need to have a talk" moment. Living arrangements, next job, etc would all be up for discussion.
I got my next offer yesterday. The parent company of the current hospital system I work for has other hospital systems around the nation. Specifically, there is one in Omaha, Nebraska. It's in the middle of the country, in the flat, vague states of the midwest. Reminiscent of Missoula and Spokane, not exactly the place I'll want to be in January with the snow and the cold and all.
The details were few but important. Start December second, break for Christmas/New Years, runs through the end of June. That's good news. I already know folks on the team, the pay is good, my contracting company would be the same. I had lots of questions about the minutia of the new contract and then the brakes in my brain sqealed to a halt when I realized the talk had just been rescheduled.
A six and a half month contract away would mean big changes for things with 25. We had been talking about maybe living together when his lease is up in December. That's got to be considered NOW. If I'm away, what is happening with the dog and cat? Who's taking care of the house? How much with custodians for those things cost? What about the mental and emotional strain of being at a distance for so long? And those depend on the minutia of how often do I get to go home and for how long, is the pay enough to stay on, etc.
No wonder I didn't sleep well last night, I can't get my brain to stop long enough.
What if I was making the plans that rushing up to meet me?
My contract is set to end the last week of November. I've know that since May. That's not a shock. I keep track of it so I know when I have to start the job (yes, it's like a second job) of finding a new contract.
I thought the new contract offer would come in October. These things take time to put together don't ya know. 25 and I knew it would mean a talk. We'd had a talk about having a talk. I never say "talk" because that's not how we are. We can converse openly about things in the relationship and don't let it build up in to a "We need to have a talk" moment. Living arrangements, next job, etc would all be up for discussion.
I got my next offer yesterday. The parent company of the current hospital system I work for has other hospital systems around the nation. Specifically, there is one in Omaha, Nebraska. It's in the middle of the country, in the flat, vague states of the midwest. Reminiscent of Missoula and Spokane, not exactly the place I'll want to be in January with the snow and the cold and all.
The details were few but important. Start December second, break for Christmas/New Years, runs through the end of June. That's good news. I already know folks on the team, the pay is good, my contracting company would be the same. I had lots of questions about the minutia of the new contract and then the brakes in my brain sqealed to a halt when I realized the talk had just been rescheduled.
A six and a half month contract away would mean big changes for things with 25. We had been talking about maybe living together when his lease is up in December. That's got to be considered NOW. If I'm away, what is happening with the dog and cat? Who's taking care of the house? How much with custodians for those things cost? What about the mental and emotional strain of being at a distance for so long? And those depend on the minutia of how often do I get to go home and for how long, is the pay enough to stay on, etc.
No wonder I didn't sleep well last night, I can't get my brain to stop long enough.
Thursday, September 05, 2013
What a Difference Eighteen Months Makes
It occurred to me, while driving, as all the most important and inane things occur to me then, that I've been home roughly eighteen months now.
I wasn't the first of our brave band of Jakarta sisters to go. La Rus went first. She make the jump back to California. I've been down to visit and reminisce. She's one of the few I still talk and text with on a regular basis. Last week she was awed that her daughter is starting eighth grade. I just saw her last year and I swear she wasn't nearly that old then. Guess that means age is probably sneaking up on us too.
I was the next to go, last February, landing more permanently in Seattle in March. Since then I started a new career and worked very successfully in it. I've traveled both for work and fun. I'm in a relationship (gasp!).
I'm not even close to the one with the most news. The kiwi got engaged several months ago. She is posting out save the dates for her wedding in Bali next year. What a great excuse to go back and help her kick off married life right.
There is yet another member of the tribe with even more news. UK, my former sushi companion and life line for many a night in JKT, has not only been engaged, and been married, but she's become an incubator. I'm secretly hoping for baby chicks but I doubt I'll get my wish. She's flown the coop and headed back to England while her hubby sails the seven seas.
That's a year and a half for ya. Who'd have thunk we'd all come so far in such a sort time? And yet, it feels as though my days in Jakarta were ages ago.
In a mere year and a half, I've settled in to coupledom. We prefer to be home, cooking, relaxing. Gone are the clubbing days of staying out until 7am in the most random places in Jakarta. Instead of going to the pubs and clubs, I host beer and cocktail "parties" at my house, party being best described as a simple gathering of people. We enjoy a beerfest on occasion, a backpacking trip, a recent pursuit of vegetable gardening and such. Though I'd hoped for this, even yearned for it, I'd also kibitzed friends who had become "boring" in the coupledom. Who never came out any more. Now, the kidding has come full circle. 25 and I went to a birthday party for his friend. It was in Seattle. She is several years younger than me so the gathering was in Capitol Hill, in a series of bars and clubs. 25 has never been a wild partier and drinker in the time I've known him. After a couple hours of awkward small talk with people we didn't know, and some quality time with his friend and her bf, we hastily make our retreat. We still didn't get home until 1am and we were both knackered. The friend's bf said he knew we'd be the first to go, that it wouldn't be our scene.
I'm happy to admit, both to him and here, that he was right.
I wasn't the first of our brave band of Jakarta sisters to go. La Rus went first. She make the jump back to California. I've been down to visit and reminisce. She's one of the few I still talk and text with on a regular basis. Last week she was awed that her daughter is starting eighth grade. I just saw her last year and I swear she wasn't nearly that old then. Guess that means age is probably sneaking up on us too.
I was the next to go, last February, landing more permanently in Seattle in March. Since then I started a new career and worked very successfully in it. I've traveled both for work and fun. I'm in a relationship (gasp!).
I'm not even close to the one with the most news. The kiwi got engaged several months ago. She is posting out save the dates for her wedding in Bali next year. What a great excuse to go back and help her kick off married life right.
There is yet another member of the tribe with even more news. UK, my former sushi companion and life line for many a night in JKT, has not only been engaged, and been married, but she's become an incubator. I'm secretly hoping for baby chicks but I doubt I'll get my wish. She's flown the coop and headed back to England while her hubby sails the seven seas.
That's a year and a half for ya. Who'd have thunk we'd all come so far in such a sort time? And yet, it feels as though my days in Jakarta were ages ago.
In a mere year and a half, I've settled in to coupledom. We prefer to be home, cooking, relaxing. Gone are the clubbing days of staying out until 7am in the most random places in Jakarta. Instead of going to the pubs and clubs, I host beer and cocktail "parties" at my house, party being best described as a simple gathering of people. We enjoy a beerfest on occasion, a backpacking trip, a recent pursuit of vegetable gardening and such. Though I'd hoped for this, even yearned for it, I'd also kibitzed friends who had become "boring" in the coupledom. Who never came out any more. Now, the kidding has come full circle. 25 and I went to a birthday party for his friend. It was in Seattle. She is several years younger than me so the gathering was in Capitol Hill, in a series of bars and clubs. 25 has never been a wild partier and drinker in the time I've known him. After a couple hours of awkward small talk with people we didn't know, and some quality time with his friend and her bf, we hastily make our retreat. We still didn't get home until 1am and we were both knackered. The friend's bf said he knew we'd be the first to go, that it wouldn't be our scene.
I'm happy to admit, both to him and here, that he was right.
Friday, August 30, 2013
Come Hell or Highwater
I'm going to get back to blogging
A) because a very lovely British gentleman has asked me recently if I was keeping on with it. He said he liked reading it and wondered where I'd gone. You know who you are you cheeky ginger.
2) because it is a fantastic place to unload the crapola that floats around in my head.
and #) because there's no way I'll remember this still when I'm old, or maybe next year even.
I'm resolving (again, I know. What's this, about my fifth rededication) to get back to it, err this.
That being said, yes of course there are reasons I haven't been blogging. The 55 hour work weeks are one of the most obvious. Since I started my current project mid-April I've worked over 850 total hours. That's a might high average since you've got to deduct the last two weeks at a mere 40 hours/week. The company put the ka-bosh on all the overtime. I'm hoping the pendulum swing back to OT again when things get (farther) behind schedule.
I also haven't been blogging much because when I'm not working, I'm with 25. That's still happening. I think at some point we because a thing. A couple thing. Who knew that today, one day short of the anniversary of our first date, I'd be blogging about being with him? Not me. Definitely not me. The best part of that? He knows.
He knows that he wasn't what I (thought I) was looking for. He knew and was equally slow to get into a monogamous, exclusive relationship. He knows that I'm in a fair amount of awe that he's put up with me this long and keeps coming back, always with a smile on his face to put one on mine.
I think round-about the last blogs I'd just given over a drawer, and then two, to him. Now he's got an, albeit small, dresser and a chunk of space in the closet. His hiking and camping gear lives in the garage all mixed in with mine. Our boots covered in the same mud dust from our last time out. He's got a key, and the garage door opener built in to his review mirror is programmed for my house.
He's in. In a big huge way, he's in. In a fantastic and if I think about it too much, fantastically scary way, he's in.
I've been single for a long time. There were minor flings over along the way, usually ending as quickly as they began. It's been the past five plus years. He knows that. He understands and, I would venture, agrees, the molasses speed has been a good thing. Because here we are, 364 days after first saying "Hi, you must be . . . " and he's still here.
A) because a very lovely British gentleman has asked me recently if I was keeping on with it. He said he liked reading it and wondered where I'd gone. You know who you are you cheeky ginger.
2) because it is a fantastic place to unload the crapola that floats around in my head.
and #) because there's no way I'll remember this still when I'm old, or maybe next year even.
I'm resolving (again, I know. What's this, about my fifth rededication) to get back to it, err this.
That being said, yes of course there are reasons I haven't been blogging. The 55 hour work weeks are one of the most obvious. Since I started my current project mid-April I've worked over 850 total hours. That's a might high average since you've got to deduct the last two weeks at a mere 40 hours/week. The company put the ka-bosh on all the overtime. I'm hoping the pendulum swing back to OT again when things get (farther) behind schedule.
I also haven't been blogging much because when I'm not working, I'm with 25. That's still happening. I think at some point we because a thing. A couple thing. Who knew that today, one day short of the anniversary of our first date, I'd be blogging about being with him? Not me. Definitely not me. The best part of that? He knows.
He knows that he wasn't what I (thought I) was looking for. He knew and was equally slow to get into a monogamous, exclusive relationship. He knows that I'm in a fair amount of awe that he's put up with me this long and keeps coming back, always with a smile on his face to put one on mine.
I think round-about the last blogs I'd just given over a drawer, and then two, to him. Now he's got an, albeit small, dresser and a chunk of space in the closet. His hiking and camping gear lives in the garage all mixed in with mine. Our boots covered in the same mud dust from our last time out. He's got a key, and the garage door opener built in to his review mirror is programmed for my house.
He's in. In a big huge way, he's in. In a fantastic and if I think about it too much, fantastically scary way, he's in.
I've been single for a long time. There were minor flings over along the way, usually ending as quickly as they began. It's been the past five plus years. He knows that. He understands and, I would venture, agrees, the molasses speed has been a good thing. Because here we are, 364 days after first saying "Hi, you must be . . . " and he's still here.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Camping, part deux
Four days. Three nights. Two people. One tent.
Hhhmmmmmmmm.
That could be a really long time. I'm sure if you'd put my sister and I through that scenario when I was about fourteen and she was eleven one of us wouldn't have emerged from the tent.
With 25 though, it was easy. Beer lubricated the trip and we took advantage of the woods to be grimy and not shower. That said, I was still happy to be with him and we merrily laughed our way through the weekend.
To make the most of the Memorial Day weekend we headed to the eastern side of the Cascade Mountain range here in Washington State. Our original destintation on Mount Rainier wasn't looking very promising as the weather reports got worse and worse as we approached Saturday. The switch in locale was a bit greater than I anticipated, granted I hadn't given it much thought other than to want a place with sun.
We ended up at Osborn Bay which is part of the Steamboat Rock campgrounds. It was a small loop of approximately fifteen campsites right on Osborn Bay lake that connects to the much larger Banks Lake. The sites were plenty big for just the two of us but they were fairly close packed. When we camp on the western part of Washington there are lots of trees around that give the allusion of separation and space. Eastern washington was a desert until the Grand Coulee Dam irrigation project made farming an option there. Trees were few and far between. The surrounding area was mostly sage brush and more than once we commented how it reminded us of the trip we took to Arizona last month.
25 and I had a one night "trial" camp trip recently and did well. This time, we'd augmented our gear and planned for a longer stay with more meals. It all panned out. I thoroughly enjoyed the trip. We didn't get on each others nerves, even when we were both a bit anxious about finding a site on the first day. The weather was fantastic and I've officially started my tan for the year. I got a record low six mosquito bites. I usually get that many just walking the dog at home!
A hike up Northup Canyon gave us amazing views of the canyons and coulee that glaciers had carved out tens of thoussands of years ago.
Steamboat rock is about a three minute drive from Electric City, and only another ten or so from Grand Coulee Dam. We checked out the visitor's center, made sure to go back at night for their educational but still really fun laser show projected on the dam and even went on a tour that took us along the top and inside. Thirty-three flavors of frozen yogurt were calling that afternoon and we made a stop in Electric City for that, ice at the smallest, most jam-paced grocery-cum-variety store then bought some firewood from a vet who was, very wisely, undercutting the surrounding store by a buck.
All around a stellar weekend. I was lucky to have Tuesday off and 25 was able to request it off so we stayed three nights and didn't have to fight quite as much traffic driving home on Tuesday afternoon. My biggest disappointment of the trip was when we stopped in Ellensburg for lunch on the way home. We'd planned for Iron Horse Brewery and they weren't open! Boo!
I suppose, if that's all I can find to complain about, I shan't complain at all. Fingers crossed that there will be time for more camping in July. June is pretty much going to be work, work, work.
Hhhmmmmmmmm.
That could be a really long time. I'm sure if you'd put my sister and I through that scenario when I was about fourteen and she was eleven one of us wouldn't have emerged from the tent.
With 25 though, it was easy. Beer lubricated the trip and we took advantage of the woods to be grimy and not shower. That said, I was still happy to be with him and we merrily laughed our way through the weekend.
To make the most of the Memorial Day weekend we headed to the eastern side of the Cascade Mountain range here in Washington State. Our original destintation on Mount Rainier wasn't looking very promising as the weather reports got worse and worse as we approached Saturday. The switch in locale was a bit greater than I anticipated, granted I hadn't given it much thought other than to want a place with sun.
We ended up at Osborn Bay which is part of the Steamboat Rock campgrounds. It was a small loop of approximately fifteen campsites right on Osborn Bay lake that connects to the much larger Banks Lake. The sites were plenty big for just the two of us but they were fairly close packed. When we camp on the western part of Washington there are lots of trees around that give the allusion of separation and space. Eastern washington was a desert until the Grand Coulee Dam irrigation project made farming an option there. Trees were few and far between. The surrounding area was mostly sage brush and more than once we commented how it reminded us of the trip we took to Arizona last month.
25 and I had a one night "trial" camp trip recently and did well. This time, we'd augmented our gear and planned for a longer stay with more meals. It all panned out. I thoroughly enjoyed the trip. We didn't get on each others nerves, even when we were both a bit anxious about finding a site on the first day. The weather was fantastic and I've officially started my tan for the year. I got a record low six mosquito bites. I usually get that many just walking the dog at home!
 |
| View from the parking lot of the Visitors Center |
 |
| An arial view of the Dam to give you some comparison. It is still the fifth largest dam in the world for output and was completed in 1942. |
I suppose, if that's all I can find to complain about, I shan't complain at all. Fingers crossed that there will be time for more camping in July. June is pretty much going to be work, work, work.
Monday, May 20, 2013
25 as +1
I went to a wedding over the weekend. It was nice living (far)away for years because I got to skip weddings and baby showers and the like. Now that I'm back, I seem to be making up for lost time. Saturday was the fourth wedding I've been to in fourteen months. These things are getting expensive!
This wedding happened to be between a couple I know from hiking. I met them about this time last year and was invited to the wedding with a plus one.
25 was my plus one.
Another minor milestone I reckon. He knew only three or four people in the wedding. He'd met the couple twice. I only knew maybe a dozen. He said he'd go if I wanted him to and I said I did. We had to make plans in March because we stayed in Freeland, on Whidbey, overnight.
The wedding this weekend was on Whidbey Island, out in Puget Sound. It's a long squiggly island. We took the ferry across to Clinton, on the southeast end and drive maybe fifteen or twenty minutes to Langley. We left mid morning on Saturday with a few rough "I'd like to" plans for the weekend. We managed to hit Whidbey Distillery where we talked to the distillers, checked out the still and sampled some loganberry liqueur. It has a wonderful berry flavor without being sugary/syrupy. I also bought a bottle that the distillers signed with congratulations for the happy couple.
We also hit Spoiled Dog Winery which happened to be almost a two minute drive from Whidbey Distillery. A six wine sampler hit the spot and included Pinot Gris, Estate Rose of Pinot Noir, Piniot Noir, Malbec, Deception Red (blend) and Pomo di Moro, a white with apple and pear. My favorites were the Pinot Gris, Rose and Noir, which of course barely overlapped with 25's favorites - the Rose, the Deception and the Moro. They also had some fantastic chocolate and a blue cheese that the maker mixes a bit of Deception red into. The dogs, after who the wine is named, were very sweet and the vintners friendly and chatty.
After that it was off to get changed for the 3pm wedding. The ceremony and reception was held at Fireseed, again about two minutes from the distillery. It was a beautiful location. The weather held for the day. No rain and even a little sun later on. The ceremony was about twenty minutes, touching without being long and drug out. Cocktails and appetizers followed immediately, then we drank our way towards dinner. It was a condensed buffet of prime rib, chicken, couscous, mixed veggies, asparagus, roasted poatatoes & beets, mixed greens salad and two kinds of bread. All of it was very delicious. Instead of traditional cake, there was a three tiered tower of mini cupcakes, chocolate covered strawberries and fruit tarts. A make-your-own trailmix bar and giant lollipops were the take aways. A bit more drinking, dancing and talking before we headed for the motel at about 10pm.
A slow start to Sunday was followed by a stop at a farmers market that resulted in a purchase of rhubarb, bok choy, sage. We had coffee and snacks before the ferry. After the ferry crossing we found Diamond Knot Brewery's Pizza kitchen. The pizza was interesting combo of toppings - red link sausage, chicken, blue cheese, ricotta in place of marinara, garlic and mozzarella. I tried the brown ale and Slane's Irish style red ale. Both slightly above average but not stellar. We skipped a growler fill.
A stop at the grocery stop and then home again, home again. It was a long busy weekend and I think both 25 and I were tired by about 7pm Sunday night. Over the course of the weekend there were more than a few sentences that started "If we get married. . . " and we'd stake a claim to what kind of food we would or wouldn't want, the music we would or wouldn't play, etc. It was never awkward and true to form for us, we laughed our way through the weekend. It's amazing how far we've come when we came appreciate that we both can see and say that want the other in our life and don't get weirded out by the potential a wedding forces us to face.
This wedding happened to be between a couple I know from hiking. I met them about this time last year and was invited to the wedding with a plus one.
25 was my plus one.
Another minor milestone I reckon. He knew only three or four people in the wedding. He'd met the couple twice. I only knew maybe a dozen. He said he'd go if I wanted him to and I said I did. We had to make plans in March because we stayed in Freeland, on Whidbey, overnight.
The wedding this weekend was on Whidbey Island, out in Puget Sound. It's a long squiggly island. We took the ferry across to Clinton, on the southeast end and drive maybe fifteen or twenty minutes to Langley. We left mid morning on Saturday with a few rough "I'd like to" plans for the weekend. We managed to hit Whidbey Distillery where we talked to the distillers, checked out the still and sampled some loganberry liqueur. It has a wonderful berry flavor without being sugary/syrupy. I also bought a bottle that the distillers signed with congratulations for the happy couple.
We also hit Spoiled Dog Winery which happened to be almost a two minute drive from Whidbey Distillery. A six wine sampler hit the spot and included Pinot Gris, Estate Rose of Pinot Noir, Piniot Noir, Malbec, Deception Red (blend) and Pomo di Moro, a white with apple and pear. My favorites were the Pinot Gris, Rose and Noir, which of course barely overlapped with 25's favorites - the Rose, the Deception and the Moro. They also had some fantastic chocolate and a blue cheese that the maker mixes a bit of Deception red into. The dogs, after who the wine is named, were very sweet and the vintners friendly and chatty.
After that it was off to get changed for the 3pm wedding. The ceremony and reception was held at Fireseed, again about two minutes from the distillery. It was a beautiful location. The weather held for the day. No rain and even a little sun later on. The ceremony was about twenty minutes, touching without being long and drug out. Cocktails and appetizers followed immediately, then we drank our way towards dinner. It was a condensed buffet of prime rib, chicken, couscous, mixed veggies, asparagus, roasted poatatoes & beets, mixed greens salad and two kinds of bread. All of it was very delicious. Instead of traditional cake, there was a three tiered tower of mini cupcakes, chocolate covered strawberries and fruit tarts. A make-your-own trailmix bar and giant lollipops were the take aways. A bit more drinking, dancing and talking before we headed for the motel at about 10pm.
 |
| Not the couple from Saturday. |
Thursday, May 02, 2013
Another One
It hadn't occurred to me until I wrote yesterday's post that 25 and I had another milestone in the not very recent past. We bought furniture sort of togetherish.
He is living in a small place that is a mash up of a studio and a one bedroom apartment. Too many walls for the former, not quite enough for the later. He's been there about six months and wanted it to feel a little homier. Really, he wanted to be able to offer a person a place to sit that wasn't his bed or the floor. Hence the shopping.
I happen to like both design and shopping so when he asked for some suggestions/my opinion, I happily gave him both. The key is that we were looking for something small enough to fit the space but nothing that would be featured in dorm room vogue. He had a few great pieces to build on - a dark wood dresser, a soft, lovely gray rug, cool moulding/trim in the space.
I was able to convince him that a little color and a little pattern could go a long way. He's got great taste but it's very conventional and safe, see above description of dark wood dresser and gray rug. End ended up with a chaise that pretty much looks like this:
but in a pale green with blue and marigold accented pattern. He decided to change lighting from a tall skinny lamp with an upward turned glass shade to this:
which sits in the corner, behind the back of the chaise and gives off a nice glow that is enough to read by. He seems very happy with the choices. I'm happy he asked me for advice, that he's happy and that I get to sit on it when I go over.
The trip to Arizona together, now sick care, a drawer, a chaise lounge, what's next?
He is living in a small place that is a mash up of a studio and a one bedroom apartment. Too many walls for the former, not quite enough for the later. He's been there about six months and wanted it to feel a little homier. Really, he wanted to be able to offer a person a place to sit that wasn't his bed or the floor. Hence the shopping.
I happen to like both design and shopping so when he asked for some suggestions/my opinion, I happily gave him both. The key is that we were looking for something small enough to fit the space but nothing that would be featured in dorm room vogue. He had a few great pieces to build on - a dark wood dresser, a soft, lovely gray rug, cool moulding/trim in the space.
I was able to convince him that a little color and a little pattern could go a long way. He's got great taste but it's very conventional and safe, see above description of dark wood dresser and gray rug. End ended up with a chaise that pretty much looks like this:
but in a pale green with blue and marigold accented pattern. He decided to change lighting from a tall skinny lamp with an upward turned glass shade to this:
The trip to Arizona together, now sick care, a drawer, a chaise lounge, what's next?
Wednesday, May 01, 2013
A Drawer
He's got a drawer.
Wikipedia says: A drawer (
i/drɔr/) is a box-shaped container that fits into a piece of furniture in such a way that it can be drawn out horizontally to reach its contents.
I spoke of the delicate dance that dating is yesterday when I said that you can't offer too much help or care too soon. This falls in to the same catergory. Since we haven't defined what we are doing beyond "dating and enjoying each other's company" the roll out has been slow. Like hunting, no sudden movements, no loud noises, nothing too drastic or unexpected.
A couple months ago we both acknowledged the need for toothbrushes at each others places. Other than that, a planned night over came with an overnight bag. Socks, underwear, etc. The toothbrush could stay, the rest y ou packed back and forth. It was a small, subtle claim that was disposable. If the relationship ended, I would simply throw out the toothbrush. There would be no need to have an awkward meeting to exchange "stuff".
From there we added sweatpants. We each left a pair of comfy pants at the others house because work pants are not usualy comfy and it's not fair if he gets to be in comfort and I'm in nice (though less comfortable) clothes. I also felt a little strange about being in lounge wear when he was dressed nice because it sort of meant he was a guest. I didn't think of him as a guest, I didn't expect him to act like a guest, yet it was a dividing line. So we went to Target and each bough a pair of pants to leave at the other's house. Mine are grey sweats, his are plaid pj pants.
After spending three days at my place when he was sick, we've realized that a toothbrush and sweatpants might not be enough. Sometimes we end up staying over at the other's house without planning to. To address this I've started leaving a mini-overnight bag (sock, underwear, a clean top and makeup kit) in the trunk of my car, next to my gym bag which lives there too. When 25 last stayed over, I noticed he had three pairs of shoes in his trunk. Apparently he was doing much the same as I was.
He mentioned that "it would be nice" if he could leave a few things. Internally I thought, "well duh!" externally I said, "of course, that would be fine". And so, he has a drawer.
There hasn't been any talk of drawer reciprocation yet. He tends to stay at mine more than the opposite, both for a few reasons: geography of work to home, space to spread out, a dog and cat who can't be left alone too long. If I do get a drawer, I wonder what I'll choose to fill it with?
Such a insignificant object for such a significant step.
Wikipedia says: A drawer (
i/drɔr/) is a box-shaped container that fits into a piece of furniture in such a way that it can be drawn out horizontally to reach its contents.I spoke of the delicate dance that dating is yesterday when I said that you can't offer too much help or care too soon. This falls in to the same catergory. Since we haven't defined what we are doing beyond "dating and enjoying each other's company" the roll out has been slow. Like hunting, no sudden movements, no loud noises, nothing too drastic or unexpected. A couple months ago we both acknowledged the need for toothbrushes at each others places. Other than that, a planned night over came with an overnight bag. Socks, underwear, etc. The toothbrush could stay, the rest y ou packed back and forth. It was a small, subtle claim that was disposable. If the relationship ended, I would simply throw out the toothbrush. There would be no need to have an awkward meeting to exchange "stuff".
From there we added sweatpants. We each left a pair of comfy pants at the others house because work pants are not usualy comfy and it's not fair if he gets to be in comfort and I'm in nice (though less comfortable) clothes. I also felt a little strange about being in lounge wear when he was dressed nice because it sort of meant he was a guest. I didn't think of him as a guest, I didn't expect him to act like a guest, yet it was a dividing line. So we went to Target and each bough a pair of pants to leave at the other's house. Mine are grey sweats, his are plaid pj pants.
After spending three days at my place when he was sick, we've realized that a toothbrush and sweatpants might not be enough. Sometimes we end up staying over at the other's house without planning to. To address this I've started leaving a mini-overnight bag (sock, underwear, a clean top and makeup kit) in the trunk of my car, next to my gym bag which lives there too. When 25 last stayed over, I noticed he had three pairs of shoes in his trunk. Apparently he was doing much the same as I was.
He mentioned that "it would be nice" if he could leave a few things. Internally I thought, "well duh!" externally I said, "of course, that would be fine". And so, he has a drawer.
There hasn't been any talk of drawer reciprocation yet. He tends to stay at mine more than the opposite, both for a few reasons: geography of work to home, space to spread out, a dog and cat who can't be left alone too long. If I do get a drawer, I wonder what I'll choose to fill it with?
Such a insignificant object for such a significant step.
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| Wonder which one I'll get? |
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Friction
My relationship with 25 has been fairly smooth sailing so far. Actually, comparatively, it has been a hot air balloon ride on a sunny day with a light breeze and a great view. It has been very different than past relationships. I would venture to guess that it's a combination of reasons; I've grown up and matured (shocking to even me), I'm more certain of myself and willing to make a claim for what I want and need, I've had enough bad experiences to steer clear of situations that are reminiscent of them, he is very patient with me, we've been pretty darn open and honest since date one.
He seems to be able to short circuit some emotions that have historically gotten me in to trouble, like being extremely short on patience and occasionally short tempered and a memory and insistence on history/correctness that lead to arguments. He surely doesn't know he does this because he doesn't know the me I was with other men, he knows the me I am with him. I am easily my happiest, mellowest self around him. . . .
usually . . .
We've hit a few bumps in the road as of late. Now when I say bumps, these are really like tiny pebbles. Nothing major, nothing that causes me any real concern, but a slight difference from previously. We are both going through some stressful times - he at work, me without work - and also spending more time together on a regular basis. That causes a little friction. We've had to hammer out a better method for communication because when he gets 400+ emails a day at work, the last thing he wants or needs is an email from me, regardless of the topic. We've gone round and round trying to explain or understand something or why the other people does/said something.
That all in consideration, it's securing and gratifying to have a little friction and see that it isn't more than. The bumps are staying small and we can resolve the issues. There's a laying out of the issue, an explanation of why it's a problem, and suggested solutions. Even when there's frustration (yes, usually on my side but not always!) it doesn't last and it's never and eleven, on a scale of one to ten. It has been much, MUCH easier than ever before, or than I thought possible really. Maybe that's a good sign!
He seems to be able to short circuit some emotions that have historically gotten me in to trouble, like being extremely short on patience and occasionally short tempered and a memory and insistence on history/correctness that lead to arguments. He surely doesn't know he does this because he doesn't know the me I was with other men, he knows the me I am with him. I am easily my happiest, mellowest self around him. . . .
usually . . .
We've hit a few bumps in the road as of late. Now when I say bumps, these are really like tiny pebbles. Nothing major, nothing that causes me any real concern, but a slight difference from previously. We are both going through some stressful times - he at work, me without work - and also spending more time together on a regular basis. That causes a little friction. We've had to hammer out a better method for communication because when he gets 400+ emails a day at work, the last thing he wants or needs is an email from me, regardless of the topic. We've gone round and round trying to explain or understand something or why the other people does/said something.
That all in consideration, it's securing and gratifying to have a little friction and see that it isn't more than. The bumps are staying small and we can resolve the issues. There's a laying out of the issue, an explanation of why it's a problem, and suggested solutions. Even when there's frustration (yes, usually on my side but not always!) it doesn't last and it's never and eleven, on a scale of one to ten. It has been much, MUCH easier than ever before, or than I thought possible really. Maybe that's a good sign!
Monday, April 15, 2013
Resignation
Not from blogging, from match.com and okcupid.com
That's where things have gone. 25 and I had a conversation two weeks ago that went like this:
Me: Are you still on match?
Him: Uh, I think i still have a membership but I never go on it.
PAUSE
Him: I guess stop it so it doesn't auto renew me when it ends in April.
Me: Does that mean you're ending your match membership?
Him: Yea, I think so.
Me: Ok, I'll end mine when it's up in May too.
We met on match. Somehow, all my ridiculous online dating stories turned in to a "success story", but don't tell match.com that or I'll probably have to do some shmarmy commercial.
We started really slow. I think our first three dates were spread over about six weeks or so. We both dated other people for a couple months. We never had a typical commitment talk. We've talked about what we might want going forward but never exactly a talk to figure out if we are "together", dating, involved or whatnot. So this was our talk.
I assume, and feel good about that assumption, not that I'm making an "ass out of u and me" (think about it!) that we are together. I see him at least four evenings a week. We have plans throughout the summer including camping, concerts and weekends away. If that doesn't mean something then having a "talk" wouldn't either.
I feel good about giving the online dating a rest. Luckily, should the need arise, it'll be there for me to peruse again.
That's where things have gone. 25 and I had a conversation two weeks ago that went like this:
Me: Are you still on match?
Him: Uh, I think i still have a membership but I never go on it.
PAUSE
Him: I guess stop it so it doesn't auto renew me when it ends in April.
Me: Does that mean you're ending your match membership?
Him: Yea, I think so.
Me: Ok, I'll end mine when it's up in May too.
We met on match. Somehow, all my ridiculous online dating stories turned in to a "success story", but don't tell match.com that or I'll probably have to do some shmarmy commercial.
We started really slow. I think our first three dates were spread over about six weeks or so. We both dated other people for a couple months. We never had a typical commitment talk. We've talked about what we might want going forward but never exactly a talk to figure out if we are "together", dating, involved or whatnot. So this was our talk.
I assume, and feel good about that assumption, not that I'm making an "ass out of u and me" (think about it!) that we are together. I see him at least four evenings a week. We have plans throughout the summer including camping, concerts and weekends away. If that doesn't mean something then having a "talk" wouldn't either.
I feel good about giving the online dating a rest. Luckily, should the need arise, it'll be there for me to peruse again.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Arizona and Sedona
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| Driving near Tuzigoot |
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| Sedona near Chapel of the Holy Cross |
In many ways I prefer Sedona to the Grand Canyon. The rock formations extend up above car level, not below like the Canyon. The colors are more vibrant. The formations lend themselves to imagination. They are named by what people thought they looked like: Bell Rock, Snoopy Rock, Coffeepot Rock, etc. The colors change a lot as the sun moves. The color contrast between the bright blue sky, the green scrub brush and the red rock is breath taking.
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| Jerome Saloon |
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| Montezuma Well: a self sustaining well with a constant spring in the bottom, middle. Two Native American groups consider it their source of origin. |
Tuzigoot is a derivative of Tuzighoot which means crooked water in an Apache language, named for the creek that runs nearby. Tuzigoot (with a different emphasis) means nothing in any language. There was a reference at most National monuments in this area to the Sin Agua Indians. That name comes from a Spanish explorers name for the hills nearby, Sierra Sin Agua, though most historians now recognize that there were never a people who referred to themselves or were referred to by others as the Sinaguas. Montezuma, of course, was never in Arizona but the inital discovery team thought that both the well and castle may have been part of the Aztec empire ruled over by Montezuma. Hey, it was the 1800's, no google back then. There were again references to the Sinaguas at MC and MW.
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| Old World Brewery sampler. The Season was Yard Dog - a sour version of the Dark Knight Porter. |
The last night in Arizona we stayed in Phoenix due to our 5am flight the following day. I wasn't sure how we'd pass the time until I found a LivingSocial deal for Old World Brewery. Two tasting flights of five samples each, two pint glasses, a six pack for $17. We met Matt, the head brewer and chatted him and another employee up about their beers. That earned us three more tastes, two off the tanks in the back. The Dark Knight Porter is their most popular beer and I can understand why. The guys then recommended Angel's Trumpet to us. Wow. I wish that Angel's was in Seattle. 35 taps including local beers and imports. Three taps turned over in the hour and a half we were there. We each got a six place sampler for $9 and picked different from each other to have the biggest spread. What a stellar selection. The food was plentiful and very good. We even saw Matt from Old World again!Final thoughts on the trip:
It proved to be a very good, potentially important step in my still budding relationship with 25. We got along through navigation snafus, nights of very short sleep, familial trials and lots of time together. We stayed near our loosely outlined budget, neither left the other on the side of a road, and, speaking only for myself, I enjoyed my time immensely for the historical aspects, the romantic possibilities and the breathtaking scenery.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Ultimatums and Requests
I have really held off in giving many ultimatums in my relationships in the past. I finally gave my ex an ultimatum of "get involved with me and our marriage or I'm done here" after the train had gone off the rails months and months before. I don't generally think that people (myself included) respond well to a "do this or else" scenario. That said, there are times when necessity requires a hard stop to evaluate, then a decision is made.
Dan Savage refers to some ultimatums as the "price of admission". If the person you are dating says once a month they want the freedom to go sleep with someone else, that's their price of admission. You can decide that is a price you are willing to pay, or not. If the person is worth the trouble, the compromise, the hassle, then you'll probably pay the price . . .of admission. If not, it's a good signal to go your separate ways. I believer everyone has these prices, some come cheap, others are very costly.
I've realized that as I get pickier about who I date and what I want in a relationship, I have these lines-in-the-sand. There are few things that I'm really strict about, but those are absolutes. A few examples: accepting of all sexualities, races, religions and creeds, not a video gamer, active/non-couch potato. Most of my requirements are fairly broad and can be open to interpretation (by me of course) as need dictates. Dating is a process to filter out the men who don't meet my requirements and hopefully find one who does.
I do think that having requirements is slightly different than ultimatums. To me, an ultimatum is like a cease and desist order. You've been doing A. I find A to be unacceptable. Please cease and desist. At what point in a relationship do you give an ultimatum? That being said, what makes an ultimatum inherently different than a request? I've been involved with a person or two that making requests, both on his part and mine, were the opposite of the high drama, be-all-end-all of an ultimatum. I asked if he wouldn't mind now smoking around me, or he asked if I would limit my snarky comments to ten a day. Neither request was met with any hostility. Part of a good relationship is being able to ask for what you want/need without the other person overreacting. Relationships are always a give and take.
The difference must be that an ultimatum means "if you say no, we're over" where any other request is still open for debate and compromise. The timeline of what you can/should ask for and when or how often . . . That is in need of a much finer comb to untangle.
Dan Savage refers to some ultimatums as the "price of admission". If the person you are dating says once a month they want the freedom to go sleep with someone else, that's their price of admission. You can decide that is a price you are willing to pay, or not. If the person is worth the trouble, the compromise, the hassle, then you'll probably pay the price . . .of admission. If not, it's a good signal to go your separate ways. I believer everyone has these prices, some come cheap, others are very costly.
I've realized that as I get pickier about who I date and what I want in a relationship, I have these lines-in-the-sand. There are few things that I'm really strict about, but those are absolutes. A few examples: accepting of all sexualities, races, religions and creeds, not a video gamer, active/non-couch potato. Most of my requirements are fairly broad and can be open to interpretation (by me of course) as need dictates. Dating is a process to filter out the men who don't meet my requirements and hopefully find one who does.
I do think that having requirements is slightly different than ultimatums. To me, an ultimatum is like a cease and desist order. You've been doing A. I find A to be unacceptable. Please cease and desist. At what point in a relationship do you give an ultimatum? That being said, what makes an ultimatum inherently different than a request? I've been involved with a person or two that making requests, both on his part and mine, were the opposite of the high drama, be-all-end-all of an ultimatum. I asked if he wouldn't mind now smoking around me, or he asked if I would limit my snarky comments to ten a day. Neither request was met with any hostility. Part of a good relationship is being able to ask for what you want/need without the other person overreacting. Relationships are always a give and take.
The difference must be that an ultimatum means "if you say no, we're over" where any other request is still open for debate and compromise. The timeline of what you can/should ask for and when or how often . . . That is in need of a much finer comb to untangle.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Ex-boyfriends and best girl friends
Not that my best friends are dating my ex-boyfriends. These are two separate ideas I'll throw out but seem some how similar in my mind. Both have been an emotional pull this week.
Ex's are always a bit tricky. Three types I figure:
1 - I've had some who I never saw after the final goodbye. It made things infinitely easier to be able to walk away knowing the odds I'd run into them in the supermarket or at the pool would be low.
2 - There were a few I stayed friends with. It's those rare relationships that sort of mutually fizzle out. You both realize you still care for and like the other, but you don't love them, and you sure as heck don't want them around every day.
3 - The ex's you have mutual friends with. Ex's who frequent the same places you do. You know you'll run into them it's just a matter or when and where.
4 - Maybe there should be one more, the ex you wish you could get back but I haven't had any of those given a month or two's reflection.
My last ex and I broke up at the beginning of July. I was unsure how things would go down in the aftermath. He was quite the ass when things ended (well, before that really but who's counting). I was away on holiday so much I didn't see him until a week ago. It turns out he's trying to grow a straggly beard and looks awful. Before you assume it's just me, I'm not the only one who thinks so. A fantastic friend of mine told him as much to his face. The girls in general agree he's looking haggard. Maybe you do reap what you sow. I was surprised I was nervous knowing I'd see him (I did have a guess when I would). Since he seems even less interested in seeing or talking to me, it easy to carry on enjoying myself without having an awkward "hello, how are you" moment. The inevitable ex is one of the least fun parts of a relationship. At least I've had a triumphal first and second sighting and have definitely moved on.
The second part here is about girl friends. I have a great group of girls here. Growing up I always seems to get on better with the boys than the girls. I played and watched sports. I took shop class. I didn't fuss about my hair and clothes. Tomboy. In Spain and now again in Jakarta I've made some amazing girlfriends. Girls who show up unrequested when the shit hits the fan, who dance with me at 4 am, who go on holiday and buy trinkets for each other. We share clothes, hell, we share a lot. We're close. I love them. . . . but there's a tiny part of me that wonders if I wouldn't be better off with some uglier friends.
My girls are beautiful and interesting and funny. We make fun where we go. They always get hit on. Recently, and unrelatedly, two of my male friends have decided to hit on/be involved/whatever with two of my female friends. These are guys I knew first and introduced to the group. About 98% of me is happy for them, but there's this little bit that wishes I didn't feel like the ugly stepsister. And I do. I can't say I never get hit on. We were at EP on Wednesday and a properly creepy Brit (what is it with them lately?!) not only stole a kiss- I went in for a cheek and he turned into me intentionally- but also smacked my ass. I'd only just met him. The good looking guys we see in pubs latch on to the tiny Indo-American, the voluptuous American, the feisty Russian, and on and on and on. I don't need to get hit on or picked up every time, but is once or twice to much to ask? If I do meet someone, it's when I'm without the competition and as of late, they turn out to be less a catch than I'd like.
Enough for the pity party. I'll move on and promise you all another blog this weekend to make up for not posting much this week.
1 - I've had some who I never saw after the final goodbye. It made things infinitely easier to be able to walk away knowing the odds I'd run into them in the supermarket or at the pool would be low.
2 - There were a few I stayed friends with. It's those rare relationships that sort of mutually fizzle out. You both realize you still care for and like the other, but you don't love them, and you sure as heck don't want them around every day.
3 - The ex's you have mutual friends with. Ex's who frequent the same places you do. You know you'll run into them it's just a matter or when and where.
4 - Maybe there should be one more, the ex you wish you could get back but I haven't had any of those given a month or two's reflection.
My last ex and I broke up at the beginning of July. I was unsure how things would go down in the aftermath. He was quite the ass when things ended (well, before that really but who's counting). I was away on holiday so much I didn't see him until a week ago. It turns out he's trying to grow a straggly beard and looks awful. Before you assume it's just me, I'm not the only one who thinks so. A fantastic friend of mine told him as much to his face. The girls in general agree he's looking haggard. Maybe you do reap what you sow. I was surprised I was nervous knowing I'd see him (I did have a guess when I would). Since he seems even less interested in seeing or talking to me, it easy to carry on enjoying myself without having an awkward "hello, how are you" moment. The inevitable ex is one of the least fun parts of a relationship. At least I've had a triumphal first and second sighting and have definitely moved on.
My girls are beautiful and interesting and funny. We make fun where we go. They always get hit on. Recently, and unrelatedly, two of my male friends have decided to hit on/be involved/whatever with two of my female friends. These are guys I knew first and introduced to the group. About 98% of me is happy for them, but there's this little bit that wishes I didn't feel like the ugly stepsister. And I do. I can't say I never get hit on. We were at EP on Wednesday and a properly creepy Brit (what is it with them lately?!) not only stole a kiss- I went in for a cheek and he turned into me intentionally- but also smacked my ass. I'd only just met him. The good looking guys we see in pubs latch on to the tiny Indo-American, the voluptuous American, the feisty Russian, and on and on and on. I don't need to get hit on or picked up every time, but is once or twice to much to ask? If I do meet someone, it's when I'm without the competition and as of late, they turn out to be less a catch than I'd like.
Enough for the pity party. I'll move on and promise you all another blog this weekend to make up for not posting much this week.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Mis-fit
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| A classic from my childhood that is proving useful once again. |
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| I don't care what you say, loads of the pieces look the same! |
I never had much patience for jigsaw puzzles. Invariably there would be a piece or two that I swore fit and it didn't. It would end up slightly smashed and I wouldn't notice it for a half and hour. Between looking at the little pieces and not finding many that fit, I usually give up somewhere between the half hour and the hour mark. These are both examples of things that don't fit. A mis-fit if you will. In the English language a misfit is a person who is not suited or is unable to adjust to the circumstances of his or her particular situation.
When things in life don't fit it's not always immediately obvious. Sometimes we carry on, banging things about, trying to adjust them so they will fit. A little grease, a little effort, no problem. One big difference with real life is that there are more than two parts to the equation. Right man + wrong time = misfit. Wrong man + right time= misfit. It reminds me of the old proverb about being at the right place at the right time. In my life there are no less than fifteen ingredients that make up the yes-fit or mis-fit equation. Things have ended with BoT. There were insurmountable odds what we were working against. Bad schedules, miscommunications, work stress, friend's dramatic spillover, etc, etc. My inner optimist thought it would get better. She had the crap beat out of her by his inner pessimist. I know his version would be different. He's entitled to that, but this isn't his blog. After two weeks of ignorance (his word for when you ignore someone. I've never used it that way until today) I knew it was coming. I've made peace with it and realize that all the parts of the equation weren't there. I shed my tears for the good times that won't be had again. For the butterflies I get when I see him. For the possibility. I shouted for the times he couldn't be asked to drop me a line. To return the kindness and courtesy I'd shown him. I drank because I cared about all of it more than he did, as he didn't care much at all. Best of all. . . Now I go. I'll be leaving in a week and a half for five weeks of vacation. I will submerse myself in new places and experiences.
I hear the tailors in Vietnam are worth every penny. I wonder if I can get a man tailored to fit me. He doesn't have to be a perfect fit, but he should be close. Maybe with a little room in the shoulders.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Weekend plus
I'm breaking down the weekend into bits. There will be another blog tomorrow to give more information on Friday's events. I won't go into all the drama. That seems to be the new norm lately. I will lay out the broad strokes though.
Friday afternoon from 12-5pm was Teacher's Sports Day at school. It culminated in a meal together and I left at 4:30. The ojek took me home, I changed, showered and napped for about ten minutes. I then tried to spring from bed only to realize I have what I have affectionately termed, the railroad headache. It's a headache I get sometime, well often enough to give it it's own name. It's the railroad headache because it feels like someone has driven a railroad tie into one eye socket and straight out the back of my skull with the main pain points being in my eye and at the back of my head. I struggled out and made it to dinner with Zoe anyway. She and I caught up and she graciously let me beg off after to go home and rest. An hour nap with an ice pack on my head in a cold room after taking tylenol (paracetamol or panadol, it's all the same active ingredient) and I had beaten the headache into submission.
BoT and ridiculous roommate (his not mine) came straight from work to pick up Carla and I for a house party. We all intrepidly trouped out. We'd had lots of trouble finding this house last time. The gods were on our side and we had the best taxi driver. He got us there, no problems. The party was a blast. Remember what I said about the bule world being small? Turns out one of the secondary school teachers I met that afternoon was at the party that night. And his girlfriend knows a woman I knew who left Jakarta last year. We are all flies tangled in a small, tightly interlocking web.
The party was great. The drama kicked in after. It sort of revolved around group dynamics and taxis as was the case last weekend. I don't have the patience or interest in regaling you with all the boring details. I think part of it is that BoT and I rarely see each other during the week due to the fact that we have almost opposite schedules. I'm up at 6:15 and home by 4. He's into the office at 1 and off at 10 if there's no overtime. It means that weekends become a pressure point of seeing each other but also having a ton of stuff to do. Solutions pending.
After drama that bled into early Saturday morning, I slept fitfully and was a mess most of Saturday. Carla was a doll and let me moan and was an optimistic beacon through the din. We laid out at the pool and I recovered at least physically, if not finding any inner peace.
Sunday brought a few answers and a definite tan. I started by day off with a meal of champions. A brunch time meal of fried rice and cold Heineken. Oh to be a bule in Jakarta!! Carla's good friend Jo is in from NZ. Accounting for jetlag, she'd planning an epic day of doing nothing by the pool. I was obliged to join them as to be hospitable. After five hours by the pool I was a nice shade of brown. I headed out in the evening to join BoT and IOMH for a couple beers. The conversation was good and I needed to see BoT. Not much had been sorted since the taxi thing of Friday night. I'm feeling better about it but there's work to be done. That will have to suffice. I know there are a couple of you who are close enough to deserve an explanation. It's on the way but with final grade reports due this week I'm not sure when I'll get the email out to y'all.
Best news? We had a surprise early release day today. I nearly ran out the front gate at 12:30 after teaching five classes in a row. I spent 100,000Rp and over and hour and a half on three taxis rides but I got three errands out of the way that I'd spent weeks procrastinating on and was still home before dark (which is at 6:30 everyday, all year). Worst news? Congestion and cough are back again. Maybe they come with living on Drama Island. Anyone have a cure?
 |
| Me with the headache |
 |
| Me after nap, drugs and ice pack! |
BoT and ridiculous roommate (his not mine) came straight from work to pick up Carla and I for a house party. We all intrepidly trouped out. We'd had lots of trouble finding this house last time. The gods were on our side and we had the best taxi driver. He got us there, no problems. The party was a blast. Remember what I said about the bule world being small? Turns out one of the secondary school teachers I met that afternoon was at the party that night. And his girlfriend knows a woman I knew who left Jakarta last year. We are all flies tangled in a small, tightly interlocking web.
The party was great. The drama kicked in after. It sort of revolved around group dynamics and taxis as was the case last weekend. I don't have the patience or interest in regaling you with all the boring details. I think part of it is that BoT and I rarely see each other during the week due to the fact that we have almost opposite schedules. I'm up at 6:15 and home by 4. He's into the office at 1 and off at 10 if there's no overtime. It means that weekends become a pressure point of seeing each other but also having a ton of stuff to do. Solutions pending.
 |
| How did I end up as an inhabitant of Total Drama Island? |
Sunday brought a few answers and a definite tan. I started by day off with a meal of champions. A brunch time meal of fried rice and cold Heineken. Oh to be a bule in Jakarta!! Carla's good friend Jo is in from NZ. Accounting for jetlag, she'd planning an epic day of doing nothing by the pool. I was obliged to join them as to be hospitable. After five hours by the pool I was a nice shade of brown. I headed out in the evening to join BoT and IOMH for a couple beers. The conversation was good and I needed to see BoT. Not much had been sorted since the taxi thing of Friday night. I'm feeling better about it but there's work to be done. That will have to suffice. I know there are a couple of you who are close enough to deserve an explanation. It's on the way but with final grade reports due this week I'm not sure when I'll get the email out to y'all.
Best news? We had a surprise early release day today. I nearly ran out the front gate at 12:30 after teaching five classes in a row. I spent 100,000Rp and over and hour and a half on three taxis rides but I got three errands out of the way that I'd spent weeks procrastinating on and was still home before dark (which is at 6:30 everyday, all year). Worst news? Congestion and cough are back again. Maybe they come with living on Drama Island. Anyone have a cure?
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Let's do the Time Warp again!
Time here in Indonesia has it's own life force, it's own rhythm and a special way of twisting about. It's a regular occurrence that is difficult to explain but most of us seem to agree it happens. Time seems to speed by and in the same moment, drag on.I think time has always had this special property but does seem to me to be extra flexible here.
I was astounded to realize recently that I've been here in Jakarta a year and a half now. I left Spain in August of 2009 and that feels like a hundred years ago. The time looking backwards feels like it's been stretched out. Over the weekend I met a guy who went to my university but graduated six years before me. My graduation was December 2002. My fellow Husky (University of Washington Huskies) asked what bars I used to frequent in the university district. I sheepishly had to admit I didn't. I graduated at twenty and since the legal drinking age in the US is twenty-one, I didn't go to bars. I am at a loss when non-Americans ask me about the university experience. Is it like the movies? If spring break really that crazy? Etc, etc. I don't know. I didn't have a typical college run at all.
The time between university and now seems fairly clear in my mind though enough has happened to fill a book (or two). That recent span has broken my life into segmented epochs. There is life before and after dad's death. That was really the first dividing line. The first era was a time when he was still in my life in an active way (I think of him often now but it's not exactly an active relationship). That era also includes the eons-long year he was sick. I will never look at February 26, 2004 as any day other than when he died and my life changed. Everything since then, consciously or not, has had a tinge of it, of my missing father. Like a single drop of dye in a bathtub of water, it makes things look different though the core may be the same.
The second epoch break is the line of before/with and after my ex. The former is in Seattle and Salt Lake City, the latter includes Seattle, Guatemala, Spain and now Indonesia. I'm not bitter about it, and for that I'm grateful. I've learned what I think I should have. I've processed the event(s) and can talk about them now, though I usually don't. It was easy to say in the moment that I wished it wasn't happening, that it never had. Life teaches lessons always by doing first, and contemplating after. Lesson learned, class completed, moving on.
Pretty much everything before high school graduation gets lumped together. I have a few very fond and well told memories from my childhood but I don't know that I have lots. I am realizing how rubbish my memory is already. I can't wait to get old! I wish now that I had blogged in Spain. I'm sure there are some fantastic stories I've forgotten already. Recently the intervals in life have been easily and clearly demarcated by my physical location. So much so that when I need to remember what year it was, I think were I was and figure it out from there.
Remember it was only last week that I wrote about impatience. Time looking back seems to stretch forever into the abyss. A year ago feels like ages, four seems like an eternity. In firm juxtaposition is the fact that tomorrow is nearly here already. A relative blink of the eye and it will pass into the vast history as well. Its my bloody impatience that makes summer holiday a million, billion, gazillion hours from now (not the fifteen days it really is).
Remember the Stretch Armstrong toys? He was a soft "doll" superhero filled with goo that you could pull, bend and stretch out then he'd return to his original form when you stopped. I have just dated myself with that reference as I'm guessing only American kids in the late 80's would know it. He's a fair metaphor for my view of time these days. When you "pull" on it by looking forward or back, it distorts and stretches. It looks like more or or less than it really is. I know what time is as its a firmly set measure; sixty seconds in a minute, twenty four hours in a day, ten years in a decade. If you leave time alone, or stumble upon it on a closet shelf, it looks exactly as it should, ticking by the only way it can. Tick. . . tick. . . tick. . . second by second.
*Bonus point if you know the musical from which the title of today's post comes. It it may very well be why we're friends, because you Do know!! haha
The time between university and now seems fairly clear in my mind though enough has happened to fill a book (or two). That recent span has broken my life into segmented epochs. There is life before and after dad's death. That was really the first dividing line. The first era was a time when he was still in my life in an active way (I think of him often now but it's not exactly an active relationship). That era also includes the eons-long year he was sick. I will never look at February 26, 2004 as any day other than when he died and my life changed. Everything since then, consciously or not, has had a tinge of it, of my missing father. Like a single drop of dye in a bathtub of water, it makes things look different though the core may be the same.
The second epoch break is the line of before/with and after my ex. The former is in Seattle and Salt Lake City, the latter includes Seattle, Guatemala, Spain and now Indonesia. I'm not bitter about it, and for that I'm grateful. I've learned what I think I should have. I've processed the event(s) and can talk about them now, though I usually don't. It was easy to say in the moment that I wished it wasn't happening, that it never had. Life teaches lessons always by doing first, and contemplating after. Lesson learned, class completed, moving on.
Pretty much everything before high school graduation gets lumped together. I have a few very fond and well told memories from my childhood but I don't know that I have lots. I am realizing how rubbish my memory is already. I can't wait to get old! I wish now that I had blogged in Spain. I'm sure there are some fantastic stories I've forgotten already. Recently the intervals in life have been easily and clearly demarcated by my physical location. So much so that when I need to remember what year it was, I think were I was and figure it out from there.
Remember it was only last week that I wrote about impatience. Time looking back seems to stretch forever into the abyss. A year ago feels like ages, four seems like an eternity. In firm juxtaposition is the fact that tomorrow is nearly here already. A relative blink of the eye and it will pass into the vast history as well. Its my bloody impatience that makes summer holiday a million, billion, gazillion hours from now (not the fifteen days it really is).
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| I remember the one on the left, the slightly David Hasselhoff-esque one on the right is new to me. |
Wednesday, June 08, 2011
Where's the off button on this thing?
The winds of change, or at least of semi-pandemonium, seem to be blowing lately. Everyone I know has plans, issues, frustrations and excitements that are causing life modifications and such.
Here in Jakarta, it's the start of summer. How do you know in an equatorial country? It's not the temperatures, although I have seen a recent uptick in mosquitoes buzzing around. It's summer vacation. The first schools went on break about two weeks ago. As is routine here, all the teachers have made plans to get the heck outta dodge (JKT) for as long as possible. My good friend Julia left on Monday to the States. Donna will head out on Sunday, then there are two more departures on the 22nd and 25th. That also means lots of going away events even though the majority of us will be back by or before August. My school started late after Christmas (we weren't up and going until February) and as a result we aren't off until July. I think I'm the last one to take off. The current plan is Vietnam, Cambodia and then a destination to be determined. The girls are off to the US, England, Wales, Australia, and Bali. The crazy thing is that once back, we all have a short turn around to another holiday - Idul Fitri at the end of August.
Plans are being updated, changed and added to. Then there are people who are going to see others. Carla is getting a visitor from home (NZ), and I know some people in the US who are on the move. Everyone seems to be electrified with their personal possibilities. It's a grown up version of Christmas. It's an event we look forward to for weeks or months, counting down, planning, preparing and yes, spending sleepless nights thinking about it. The mind starts to spin at the possibilities. Where do go? What to do? When to leave? Options, choices, contingency plans. And then when those are all set out, life makes a change for you (or against you as the case may be) and your brain is set a whirl again.
A couple people in my life who are in flux for work. BoT will be changing jobs for lots of reasons. Now it's a matter of working out the timing and the details. Fired friend has, after much drama and indecision, stayed in Jakarta. He's got an offer but it exploring other options. There are a few folks whose contract end dates are approaching and beyond then their lives are a blank slate. The song "Do I stay or do I go now?" comes to mind.
Lastly there are a couple people who are involved in relationships that will require one of the two parties involved to move. Not within the same city, but significant distances so they can continue on together. Long distance relationships only work if there are plans to get to the same place as far as I'm concerned.
Everyone seems to be exhausted but unable to get more sleep. There are two categories. Those, like myself, who can't manage to get into bed early as there are things to be done. Once I hit the pillow, I think I can count to two and then become entirely unconscious. There are those in another category who, even if in bed, can't turn their brains off. There are plans, plots, schemes, ideas that abound. They are busy hypothesizing, interpreting, conceiving, suggesting, and comprehending things. What I'd like to help them do is to find their own, personal off button.
P.S. Apologies for all the lists today. I didn't realize my "to do list" mood was spreading!
Here in Jakarta, it's the start of summer. How do you know in an equatorial country? It's not the temperatures, although I have seen a recent uptick in mosquitoes buzzing around. It's summer vacation. The first schools went on break about two weeks ago. As is routine here, all the teachers have made plans to get the heck outta dodge (JKT) for as long as possible. My good friend Julia left on Monday to the States. Donna will head out on Sunday, then there are two more departures on the 22nd and 25th. That also means lots of going away events even though the majority of us will be back by or before August. My school started late after Christmas (we weren't up and going until February) and as a result we aren't off until July. I think I'm the last one to take off. The current plan is Vietnam, Cambodia and then a destination to be determined. The girls are off to the US, England, Wales, Australia, and Bali. The crazy thing is that once back, we all have a short turn around to another holiday - Idul Fitri at the end of August.
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| Courtesy of myfirstholiday.com |
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| And this is how it feels! |
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| Courtesy of aorticdissection.com. Don't we always hope? |
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| Courtesy of kartoen.be |
P.S. Apologies for all the lists today. I didn't realize my "to do list" mood was spreading!
Monday, February 21, 2011
A potential reason, or cause of, dating frustration in Jakarta
I have resisted, and had to work hard to do so, writing much about dating, personally or generally, in Indonesia. I think, after finding this article, I can no longer keep silent.
Please read this article from Java Javakini paper. It is available in paper and e-copies. I have added a link here: http://www.jakartajavakini.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&layout=blog&id=99&Itemid=63.
If you read this article and find that it is all logical and you will put them into use starting tomorrow, then stop reading now. I have given you useful information and you can be on your way.
If you read that article and found yourself shaking your head, giggling or muttering "HUH?" or "What the heck?", please read on.
Let me start with a quick explanation of my situation here. I have many friends who are covered under the same umbrella. Unfortunately, I have realized, only after moving here, that Asian men aren't my cup of tea. I know ladies from many a Western land that have Indonesian or Asian boyfriends and are content. I find that on many levels, I am not drawn to them. Physical attraction to Asian men is rare for me, and even when it does occur I find we lack a common language. Difficulties in communicating, differences in religion, upbringing and expectations provide more enough hurdles and I'm tired and skeptical before I've even started the race. That leaves Western men. Here's my break down. Of the relatively few "white" guys who make it to Jakarta:
40% come with a wife/girlfriend/family as they were moved here by their company or
of the remaining 60%:
85% are into Asian women for a whole host of reasons that could be it's own blog entry.
5% are gay and
10% are into Western women.
So if we use a sample of 1000 men, that's 400 are spoken for, 510 are not interested in me, 20 are headed to Thailand and 40 are into "my kind". That makes for slim pickins. Plus you have to weed out the jerks, liars, assholes and losers. When you get to the few that might be remaining, they have their pick of the litter, as there seem to be more bule (foreign) women that want bule guys than vice versa.
That being said, my girlfriends and I spend a inordinate amount (compared to what or who I do not know) of time talking about and looking for men. I stumbled upon the above article this week, otherwise it would have provided for hilarious reading while sharing a drink with my girls on Valentine's Day.
Whether its PC or not, I believe much of my ridicule of this article stems from the fact that, based on the names, it was written by two Indonesians. If you don't live here, you won't get why that's important but nonetheless my issues with this article are as follows:
#1 - Make sure you smell good - this really deserves to be first?
#2 - Go on an alternative date - Taman mini is about the only alternative date available. It's an "amusement park" and I use that term loosely, that showcases all the parts of Indonesia on one grounds. I'd love to go bowling (the alley in Senayan closed recently), play mini golf or twelve other things I could do in other places. Give me more than two suggestions and I might make it work.
#4 - Stay in Shape -Basic enough that it doesn't really need a mention
#5 - wear shag shoes (for women) - why is this only for women? And while not obligatory, 99% of Jakarta does anyway.
#7 - Master the Kama Sutra - Is this really something one should attempt alone?
#8 - stock blue pills - Unless my date is 50 - 60+ (which he shouldn't be), hopefully this wouldn't be necessary and if it is, it's that a red flag?
#9 - go on a weekend away - this would work if you are in a relationship, not looking for one.
#10 - Learn from romantic films - THIS IS THE ONE I TAKE MOST ISSUE WITH!!! No one, anywhere, ever, should watch a rom-com and "learn" something from it. What is there to take away from Casablanca? Boy gets girl, boy loses girl, boy regains girl, and loses her again? Or Love Actually which tracks about six different relationships with all kinds of issues. Life does not end happily ever after or wrap up in 90 minutes.
#11 - get the latest gadgets - If someone hits on you because of the phone you have, it's probably not going to be a meaningful relationship.
#13 - learn a foreign language - In a country where almost everyone speaks at least two if not three or more languages, I think this was more a reason to use "cunning linguist" in the article.
#14 - Pimp your ride - see #11
#19 - Moustache Poeticque - This is misspelled as there shouldn't be a c in Poetique. There is no explanation and since the google lead me to photos like this one. I am still confused.
#20 - Get Drunk - because this always improves your judgment and appeal. Notice it doesn't say "have a drink or two" but get DRUNK!
The next 3 aren't so much an issue as the order they are in that cracks me up:
#21 - Crash a high society gathering (WWJD?) then #22 - Go to Church (ahh, that's WWJD) and #23 Try speed dating. These are all on the heels of #20 above (me shaking my head in disbelief).
#28 - Get a new job - Looking for love is a great reason to leave the stability of employment for the unknown.
#31 - Be an instant celebrity - If deciding to be one were all that was necessary, wouldn't we all be famous and getting laid?
#34 - Join a dating site - I have done this before, with moderate success. I find it pointless here as all the men are white and all the women are Asian and they are all looking for the other and not me (white female). There are some Indonesian men looking for white women, but again - not what I'm looking for.
#35 - Collect great pickup lines - This may often work but what gets me is the example they give :Do you like pizza?" immediately after saying the pickup lines should be witty and subtle. HAHA, doesn't get wittier than that!
#36 - Don't give mixed signals and #37 - Move on - are much easier said than done.
#39 - Avoid Malls - I rant on a regular basis that all there is to do in this bloody city is go to the mall, or go eat and drink. If not the malls, then where?
#42 - Be a poet - The rest of the rationale is where I get lost. Its odd and ridiculous.
#44 - Be generous - Because people will only date you if you give them things and you should only date someone if they do.
#46 - Learn how to juggle - after the rest of this list I thought they meant literally. No, instead you need to learn to have many lovers and consider polygamy.
#47 - Get inked - The dumbest reason ever to get a tat.
#49 - Nick someone else's lover - I can't wait until Karma comes back around. If you are considering this, go back to #22.
And lastly #50 - Read this list.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry as this may be more indicative of the dating scene here than I want.
Please read this article from Java Javakini paper. It is available in paper and e-copies. I have added a link here: http://www.jakartajavakini.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&layout=blog&id=99&Itemid=63.
If you read this article and find that it is all logical and you will put them into use starting tomorrow, then stop reading now. I have given you useful information and you can be on your way.
If you read that article and found yourself shaking your head, giggling or muttering "HUH?" or "What the heck?", please read on.
Let me start with a quick explanation of my situation here. I have many friends who are covered under the same umbrella. Unfortunately, I have realized, only after moving here, that Asian men aren't my cup of tea. I know ladies from many a Western land that have Indonesian or Asian boyfriends and are content. I find that on many levels, I am not drawn to them. Physical attraction to Asian men is rare for me, and even when it does occur I find we lack a common language. Difficulties in communicating, differences in religion, upbringing and expectations provide more enough hurdles and I'm tired and skeptical before I've even started the race. That leaves Western men. Here's my break down. Of the relatively few "white" guys who make it to Jakarta:
40% come with a wife/girlfriend/family as they were moved here by their company or
of the remaining 60%:
85% are into Asian women for a whole host of reasons that could be it's own blog entry.
5% are gay and
10% are into Western women.
So if we use a sample of 1000 men, that's 400 are spoken for, 510 are not interested in me, 20 are headed to Thailand and 40 are into "my kind". That makes for slim pickins. Plus you have to weed out the jerks, liars, assholes and losers. When you get to the few that might be remaining, they have their pick of the litter, as there seem to be more bule (foreign) women that want bule guys than vice versa.
That being said, my girlfriends and I spend a inordinate amount (compared to what or who I do not know) of time talking about and looking for men. I stumbled upon the above article this week, otherwise it would have provided for hilarious reading while sharing a drink with my girls on Valentine's Day.
Whether its PC or not, I believe much of my ridicule of this article stems from the fact that, based on the names, it was written by two Indonesians. If you don't live here, you won't get why that's important but nonetheless my issues with this article are as follows:
#1 - Make sure you smell good - this really deserves to be first?
#2 - Go on an alternative date - Taman mini is about the only alternative date available. It's an "amusement park" and I use that term loosely, that showcases all the parts of Indonesia on one grounds. I'd love to go bowling (the alley in Senayan closed recently), play mini golf or twelve other things I could do in other places. Give me more than two suggestions and I might make it work.
#4 - Stay in Shape -Basic enough that it doesn't really need a mention
#5 - wear shag shoes (for women) - why is this only for women? And while not obligatory, 99% of Jakarta does anyway.
 |
| courtesy of amazingdata.com. Do they count as shag? |
#8 - stock blue pills - Unless my date is 50 - 60+ (which he shouldn't be), hopefully this wouldn't be necessary and if it is, it's that a red flag?
#9 - go on a weekend away - this would work if you are in a relationship, not looking for one.
#10 - Learn from romantic films - THIS IS THE ONE I TAKE MOST ISSUE WITH!!! No one, anywhere, ever, should watch a rom-com and "learn" something from it. What is there to take away from Casablanca? Boy gets girl, boy loses girl, boy regains girl, and loses her again? Or Love Actually which tracks about six different relationships with all kinds of issues. Life does not end happily ever after or wrap up in 90 minutes.
 |
| courtesy of filmguide.wikia.com |
#13 - learn a foreign language - In a country where almost everyone speaks at least two if not three or more languages, I think this was more a reason to use "cunning linguist" in the article.
#14 - Pimp your ride - see #11
 |
| courtesy of fastcoolcars.com |
 |
| courtesy of bellespics.eu |
 |
| courtesy of pixiq.com. SOOOO SEXYYYY! |
#21 - Crash a high society gathering (WWJD?) then #22 - Go to Church (ahh, that's WWJD) and #23 Try speed dating. These are all on the heels of #20 above (me shaking my head in disbelief).
#28 - Get a new job - Looking for love is a great reason to leave the stability of employment for the unknown.
#31 - Be an instant celebrity - If deciding to be one were all that was necessary, wouldn't we all be famous and getting laid?
#34 - Join a dating site - I have done this before, with moderate success. I find it pointless here as all the men are white and all the women are Asian and they are all looking for the other and not me (white female). There are some Indonesian men looking for white women, but again - not what I'm looking for.
#35 - Collect great pickup lines - This may often work but what gets me is the example they give :Do you like pizza?" immediately after saying the pickup lines should be witty and subtle. HAHA, doesn't get wittier than that!
#36 - Don't give mixed signals and #37 - Move on - are much easier said than done.
#39 - Avoid Malls - I rant on a regular basis that all there is to do in this bloody city is go to the mall, or go eat and drink. If not the malls, then where?
 |
| courtesy of thesocietypages.com |
#42 - Be a poet - The rest of the rationale is where I get lost. Its odd and ridiculous.
#44 - Be generous - Because people will only date you if you give them things and you should only date someone if they do.
#46 - Learn how to juggle - after the rest of this list I thought they meant literally. No, instead you need to learn to have many lovers and consider polygamy.
#47 - Get inked - The dumbest reason ever to get a tat.
 |
| courtesy of dailyhaha.com. DOUBLE SUPER SEXY! |
And lastly #50 - Read this list.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry as this may be more indicative of the dating scene here than I want.
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