Forced Social Conventions

Today I realized why people get married and why they have babies.  It's primarily because A) it's a social convention and B) it means other people give them stuff.

Living overseas meant very few weddings, and even fewer baby showers . . .actually I attended none of either and was no worse for it.  In fact, I was better off.  Going to these events costs money, often quite a bit of it.  After buying something to wear, a gift, a card, wrapping paper and a bow, travel to the location, food before and/or after, you can easily end up hundreds of dollars in the hole, not to mention the bachelor/ette party and bridal shower. And for what?  It was an event you either didn't want to attend to begin with, or you'd have been happy with it being a third as long as it was.

I do realize that some people have fun at weddings.  The main difference is that they know many of the other people at that wedding, and there is an open bar. Weddings/showers, etc, in which the attendee (me) knows very few of the other attendees (the weirdos) are lots less fun, but lots more awkward to make up for it.

I patiently suffered through a baby shower.  My friend, the pregnant one, is great.  I like her very much, hence the reason she and I have kept in touch since high school, an unmatched feat.  The only folks there other than preggo, her mom, sis and hubby that I knew were people I'd met at her wedding last year. The vast majority of them are married and have kids.  It was a co-ed shower, about twenty adults, and about five infants/toddlers around.  I'm lucky to have escaped without the plague or vomit on me.

If you are unaware of the phenomena I'm about the explain it's either because you have kids that you had early, or you live outside the US.  When you've made it to your thirties and your aren't married and aren't dragging around any germ factories children, you are in a separate class from those of your age who are. I find I have little in common with people generally, and much less with the married mothers and fathers in the group.  How about 3 days at Bumbershoot? Oh, Jimmy is sick? Sorry about that.  I'll send you the photos.  I'm off to Spokane/Missoula/Nebraska/whoknowswhere for months for work. Oh, you can't move about because you have a mortgage and your kids are in school?  I'll send you a postcard.  See where I'm heading with this?

My mother asked me if my biological class was ticking loudly.  My reply, verbatim:  If you mean is it ticking down (the time) until I can leave, yes.  If you mean do I want one of those (babies), no.

I didn't know those people and being in the same room with them, some blue clothes pins, cupcakes and a pregnant woman was not going to change that.  I'd have loved to meet preggo, just the two of us, but schedules don't seems to be allowing for that.  I'd have much preferred to give her a gift then and actually have the opportunity to chat to her.  Instead, during the gift competition, I waved from across the room and had two minutes of talk as I said goodbye and peeled out after two and a half (long, dreadful, painful, excruciating) hours.

I treat myself to some beer on the way home at Powerhouse Brewery in Puyallup.  A growler full of their Scottish Ale is chilling in the fridge now.  Almost makes the whole thing worth it.

25 as +1

I went to a wedding over the weekend.  It was nice living (far)away for years because I got to skip weddings and baby showers and the like. Now that I'm back, I seem to be making up for lost time.  Saturday was the fourth wedding I've been to in fourteen months. These things are getting expensive!

This wedding happened to be between a couple I know from hiking.  I met them about this time last year and was invited to the wedding with a plus one.

25 was my plus one.

Another minor milestone I reckon. He knew only three or four people in the wedding.  He'd met the couple twice.  I only knew maybe a dozen.  He said he'd go if I wanted him to and I said I did. We had to make plans in March because we stayed in Freeland, on Whidbey, overnight.

The wedding this weekend was on Whidbey Island, out in Puget Sound. It's a long squiggly island.  We took the ferry across to Clinton, on the southeast end and drive maybe fifteen or twenty minutes to Langley.  We left mid morning on Saturday with a few rough "I'd like to" plans for the weekend. We managed to hit Whidbey Distillery where we talked to the distillers, checked out the still and sampled some loganberry liqueur.  It has a wonderful berry flavor without being sugary/syrupy. I also bought a bottle that the distillers signed with congratulations for the happy couple.

We also hit Spoiled Dog Winery which happened to be almost a two minute drive from Whidbey Distillery.  A six wine sampler hit the spot and included Pinot Gris, Estate Rose of Pinot Noir, Piniot Noir, Malbec, Deception Red (blend) and Pomo di Moro, a white with apple and pear. My favorites were the Pinot Gris, Rose and Noir, which of course barely overlapped with 25's favorites - the Rose, the Deception and the Moro. They also had some fantastic chocolate and a blue cheese that the maker mixes a bit of Deception red into. The dogs, after who the wine is named, were very sweet and the vintners friendly and chatty.

After that it was off to get changed for the 3pm wedding. The ceremony and reception was held at Fireseed, again about two minutes from the distillery. It was a beautiful location.  The weather held for the day.  No rain and even a little sun later on. The ceremony was about twenty minutes, touching without being long and drug out.  Cocktails and appetizers followed immediately, then we drank our way towards dinner.  It was a condensed buffet of prime rib, chicken, couscous, mixed veggies, asparagus, roasted poatatoes & beets, mixed greens salad and two kinds of bread.  All of it was very delicious. Instead of traditional cake, there was a three tiered tower of mini cupcakes, chocolate covered strawberries and fruit tarts. A make-your-own trailmix bar and giant lollipops were the take aways. A bit more drinking, dancing and talking before we headed for the motel at about 10pm.

Not the couple from Saturday.

A slow start to Sunday was followed by a stop at a farmers market that resulted in a purchase of rhubarb, bok choy, sage. We had coffee and snacks before the ferry.  After the ferry crossing we found Diamond Knot Brewery's Pizza kitchen. The pizza was interesting combo of toppings - red link sausage, chicken, blue cheese, ricotta in place of marinara, garlic and mozzarella. I tried the brown ale and Slane's Irish style red ale.  Both slightly above average but not stellar. We skipped a growler fill.

A stop at the grocery stop and then home again, home again. It was a long busy weekend and I think both 25 and I were tired by about 7pm Sunday night. Over the course of the weekend there were more than a few sentences that started "If we get married. . . " and we'd stake a claim to what kind of food we would or wouldn't want, the music we would or wouldn't play, etc. It was never awkward and true to form for us, we laughed our way through the weekend. It's amazing how far we've come when we came appreciate that we both can see and say that want the other in our life and don't get weirded out by the potential a wedding forces us to face.

The Wedding Learning Curve

What I've learned from weddings for when I'm plotting planning my own:

KISS.  Not during the ceremony but Keep It Short & Simple. My own take on the acronym. The ceremony bit for last Sunday's wedding was fifteen minutes.  It was brilliant. Not a lot of speaking by the officiant, nice succinct vows by the couple and then everyone is released to mingle and eat.

Good food is a must.  Whether it's appetizers, a potluck or served courses, if the food is good everyone walks away with a smile on their face. Simple dishes but high quality.  Don't over feed people because most have a propensity to keep eating as long as the food is there. It seems that the food is one of the first things that people comment on or ask about after.

You never need as much cake as you think you do.  I've never been at a wedding where there wasn't cake left over. Again, go simple. Small slices but lots of them. A few even smaller kid-friendly/dieter-friendly plates too. Absolutely no smashing cake in each others faces for the bride and grooms.

While signature drinks seems like a good idea, I haven't had one I like at a wedding.  Sure, it seemed like a nice drink when the bartender had you try a bourbon-gin-fizz-foo foo-whatever. The odds that most other folks are going to like it are slim to none.  Open bar with a few beers/ciders, and options are the way to go.  I'll take a simple gin and tonic or rum and coke over a foo-foo whatsy any day. Just keep it coming.

Champagne is overrated.  This is a totally personal opinion partially based on the fact that champagne and I have a hate-hate relationship.  I don't love the taste.  It also seems to rush to my brain and start banging around with a hammer. If I have a toast (and that's a very big IF), it's going to be with the bevvie of one's choice.

No kids or animals in the wedding.  Johnny Carson made the wise oberservation that one should never perform with children or animals let they upstage you.  There is no surer way for things to not go as planned.

Take season and temperature into account.  No one enjoys swealtering or freezing. If it's unavoidable, chose a venue with appropriate accomodations.

Less stuff makes life easier.  Fewer acitvities on the wedding day. Less stuff to schlep around.  Fewer people involved.  Of course, I subscribe to those policies in my every day life. 

I may not have a wedding, ever.  I may not get married.  The first time around I managed to end up married without a shower, a party, a wedding, an invitation, an anything.  If I feel the need to say "I do" again, it will probably be with a small ceremony.  I have friends from all over the place, living all over the place.  I think that makes for the prefect opportunity for a destination wedding because even if I held it locally, people would have to fly in for it. Luckily I'm selective about my peeps, just like I am about my beer.

Most people have similar reactions to weddings as they do with babies.  They ooohhh and ahhhhh and coo over them, the pictures, the process.  I don't get it.  I just don't.  It a lot of time, a lot more money, stress, chaos, aggravation.  I might meet Mr. Amazing and want all of that baloney, but I will never, NEVER spend thirty, forty, fifty thousand on a one day event. That's craziness people.

Family, friends, a beach somewhere. . . .Oh and Mr. Amazing! If it weren't for that bit, I'd be ready to schedule a wedding now.

Wedding

Not mine thankfully.

While I was out of the country, most of my friends and high school classmates got married and had kids.  I, as you know, didn't.  The best part about that first sentence? I was out of the country so I missed the bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, etc. Because God (if there is one, post on that coming. . . probably never) has a sense of humor, I've had two weddings, a bridal shower, a bachelorette party and a baby shower to attend in the last five months.

Hahahahah           haha                   ha.

Amber is probably the only person I knew in junior high and high school that I'm still friends with.  We reconnected between Spain and Indonesia and have been hanging out ever since.  When I came back into town I was invited to be in her wedding.  If I'd have known what I was in for, I may have given her a resounding NO.

The dress debacle started a couple months ago.  Amber found cute dresses that were reasonably priced online.  The three of us (her maid of honor sister, myself and another bridesmaid) all bought them.  The problem came when the dressed showed up.  The were made in China, very clearly by someone making less than minimum wage and it showed.  The dresses looked very different and all required between 140 and 250 dollars worth of tailoring. In the end they looked pretty good but being long and fully lined, we roasted in them the day of the festivities.

The bridal shower was weeks ago.  It was at a cute little wine and cheese bar.  The food was for the most part, very good.  The hang up there was that I didn't know most of the ladies there.  Not inherently a hang up except that they are all married, some with kids and inevitably the conversations turn to husbands/children/ blah/blah and I glaze over. I brought a gift and left with chocolate. Not too shabby.

The bachelorette party was two weekends ago.  I won't go into all the gory detail but suffice to say, it set the standard pretty high for any bachelorette parties to come.  The six of us were a great group and had a fantastic time.  I like that there were fewer of us which meant less time rounding everyone up and losing people. Smash wine bar was a good, if accidental, choice.  Nectar was fun either because of or in spite of the 80's cover band.  I'm still not sure which. Getting hit on never hurts the ego and I didn't even care that I never heard from the guys after. My only complaint really was paying the piper the next day for my total lack of sleep.  NOTE TO SELF: do not plan anything the day after a bachelorette party!

The wedding was this past Sunday.  Amber is a bit like myself in that she sees a situation that needs organizing and goes to it.  I was emailed a timeline prior to the wedding that covered "day of" events.  It spanned roughly fourteen hours.  Meet up, hair, make up, change venue, get dressed, change venue, photos, change venue, wedding, reception, done. I did have a good time but man, was I beat by the end of it.  I can't even imagine how the happy couple was feeling. The ceremony was brilliantly short, the food a good choice of snackables that didn't require awkwardly sitting at the singles table, the cake was fantastic and looked good to boot. Daniel and Lacey kept me occupied and endured my witty/snarky remarks all night. The groomsmen were all well supplied with their own flasks that helped all of us endure photos while we sweltered. All around, a long day but a good one.

I hope the Zieglers are enjoying Mexico and I wish them all the happiness one could ask for.