Friction

My relationship with 25 has been fairly smooth sailing so far.  Actually, comparatively, it has been a hot air balloon ride on a sunny day with a light breeze and a great view. It has been very different than past relationships.  I would venture to guess that it's a combination of reasons; I've grown up and matured (shocking to even me), I'm more certain of myself and willing to make a claim for what I want and need, I've had enough bad experiences to steer clear of situations that are reminiscent of them, he is very patient with me, we've been pretty darn open and honest since date one.

He seems to be able to short circuit some emotions that have historically gotten me in to trouble, like being extremely short on patience and occasionally short tempered and a memory and insistence on history/correctness that lead to arguments. He surely doesn't know he does this because he doesn't know the me I was with other men, he knows the me I am with him. I am easily my happiest, mellowest self around him. . . .

usually . . .

We've hit a few bumps in the road as of late.  Now when I say bumps, these are really like tiny pebbles.  Nothing major, nothing that causes me any real concern, but a slight difference from previously. We are both going through some stressful times - he at work, me without work - and also spending more time together on a regular basis.  That causes a little friction.  We've had to hammer out a better method for communication because when he gets 400+ emails a day at work, the last thing he wants or needs is an email from me, regardless of the topic. We've gone round and round trying to explain or understand something or why the other people does/said something.

That all in consideration, it's securing and gratifying to have a little friction and see that it isn't more than. The bumps are staying small and we can resolve the issues. There's a laying out of the issue, an explanation of why it's a problem, and suggested solutions. Even when there's frustration (yes, usually on my side but not always!) it doesn't last and it's never and eleven, on a scale of one to ten. It has been much, MUCH easier than ever before, or than I thought possible really. Maybe that's a good sign!

Pre-trip Jitters

Today is a big day.  Not because I fly to Arizona tomorrow.  I'm not a nervous flyer, never have been.  I do always get butterflies for about eight to twelve hours before my flight but I reckon that's because I'm nervous about missing my flight.  As soon as I'm at the gate waiting to board, the butterflies take a nap.

Its not because I'm going to the Grand Canyon (finally, right?).

It's not because I'm once again intrusting the lives of my "kids" to someone else.  I happen to have a reliable pet sitter who, as far as I can tell, does well by my cat and dog. I will surely have several days of the shadows when I get back though.  They follow me around relentlessly for at least three days after I get back from any trip longer than two days.

No, today is a big day because tomorrow I go on a trip with someone I'm dating. This is a first. Virgin Territory for me. I didn't even go on a real trip with my ex-husband.  I don't count a trip from Utah back to Seattle to visit family, doubly so because we drove and there was no hotels or equal stressors.

We fly out Friday very, very, painfully early and we'll be back almost as early on Thursday. That means fully six and a half days together. That means practically living together for those days.  We will be eating, sleeping, um . . everything-ing together. He's going to meet my mom and step-dad for the first time too. Which I'm not terribly concerned about but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at all concerned about.

I think we've maneuvered through the minefield of expenses pretty darn well so far.  We haven't been seeing each other so long yet that we've merged incomes and unfortunately, neither of us is independently wealthy.  Instead, we had to have a talk about expected expenses for the trip, how much each of use can afford, how we like to travel (five-star hotels or one-star tragedies?), etc.  We have both put money out for reservations so that if either back out, we're equally screwed.

We've made some rough plans about things we want to see, like the Grand Canyon and a huge telescope, but left the overall itinerary mostly open. I feel like it will be a good "test" (I don't really want to use that word, but have here for lack of the exact sentiment  I want).  People are different when they are under stress, in airports, trying to give or take direction, worried about costs and keeping their partner happy.  To be honest, I'm more worried about him seeing a side of me that surprises him or turns him off than vice versa.  I've cautioned him about the seasoned traveler in me that shuns meandering in the airport and packs sparsely. I'll definitely need to remember that I'm not traveling alone for work and act accordingly.

Wish me luck. You'll hear about it next week, whether you want to or not!

Booby Traps

<Scene: enter Elmer Fudd, dressed in his brown hunting gear, complete with ridiculous hat>
Elmer: Shhhhhh, I'm hunting wabbits. . . .

(three, two, one) SHA-PING! He's caught by the ankle in a rope snare and whipped up by the poor sapling he used, only to dangle helplessly mid air as Bugs Bunny inevitably asks

"Ehh, What's up doc?"

What plays in my head when I hear booby trap.  Well, after the thirteen year old me finishes snickering.

Dating is full of booby traps.  They are different than minefields.  Booby traps are ones that we know are there and yet manage to get caught in any way, a la Elmer Fudd. [I know that technically booby traps can be and often are hidden, thinking specifically of the Vietnam War, but they never really are in the cartoons.] Mines are the ones we didn't know were there or see them but when we bump them they blow up in our faces.  Today's musing is booby traps (heh, heh).

This time of year is booby trap city.  It starts with Thanksgiving really, I suppose. Thanksgiving and Christmas are both family holidays.  Therefore, if you are still early on in dating someone, as I think I kind of am (more on that in the next blog), there is usually at least one awkward conversation about meeting family.  Are you coming to my family thing? Me to yours? It's difficult to meet your partners family for the first time at Thanksgiving or Christmas because A) there is likely to be more family around than just the usual clan, B) there are all kind
of traditions and family must-dos to wade through, C) there's alcohol, which even if you don't over drink, someone else might and an embarrassing encounter with Uncle Ed is the last thing you want to be your first impression.

I've kind of been dating someone and we somehow skated through the November-December holidays without issue.  It helped that I was out of town for Thanksgiving, hence making it a moot point. For Christmas he had a ton of familial obligations with all kind of family so I (perhaps slightly less than delicately) told him to go do his family thing and I'd see him after Christmas for New Years.

Another booby trap.  We did make New Year's Eve plans.  It's the first time I've had a "date" for NYE in  . . . uh . . counting. . .well, hmmmm . . . anyway. Dinner, a show, a midnight kiss.  No friends around to mingle with, just us so it was easy really. I did meet a couple of his friends the day before and I think I passed.  It was good that we were at a Seahawks game which provided ample distraction and gave us all a common cause.  Otherwise meeting the friends can turn into a grilling.

Whew, you're thinking you've missed the booby traps by making it into the new year.  Silly you.  Target started putting out Valentine's Day decorations two days after Christmas just to remind you that another, and potentially the biggest booby trap is around the corner. Valentine's Day can be tough even for established couples.  If you are dating, eeeeekkkkkkk.  Are we making plans? If so, how serious? Gifts? Again, how serious? There's all this pressure from society to give in and do flowers and cards and chocolates and stuffed bears and jewelry and lingerie and aaaaaaaggggghhhhhh.  I believe, as many do, that Valentine's is a crock of consumerism BS concocted to get us to by stuff in the post-holiday lull.  I haven't had Valentine's plans in, well, about as long as I haven't had NYE plans.

I've sort of managed to sidestep this one too I think.  I'm scheduled to be out of town for work on the actual day.  Since I'll be home for the weekend and then gone again, we sort of assume we'll see each other.  The catch is the gift/no-gift (which also comes up at Christmas).  I don't want V-Day to be an overblown awkward incident.  Let's just make awesome plans like we do on so many other weekends and call it good.  Flowers would be nice but that is plenty sufficient.

Not too long after Valentine's Day is my birthday. Again, we're back to gift/no gift. Gifts always are fraught with tension.  Was is personal enough but not too over the top or was it dreadfully generic? Did one person spend obviously more than the other? Was one gift a sign of taking things to the next level?  Did one person not get a gift to give? Stress central. With this particular guy, his birthday is about two weeks after mine, so we do this dance all over again.

Thank goodness for holidays like Arbor Day and Independence Day. They might be my new favorites, along with Memorial Day and Labor Day of course.