Booby Traps

<Scene: enter Elmer Fudd, dressed in his brown hunting gear, complete with ridiculous hat>
Elmer: Shhhhhh, I'm hunting wabbits. . . .

(three, two, one) SHA-PING! He's caught by the ankle in a rope snare and whipped up by the poor sapling he used, only to dangle helplessly mid air as Bugs Bunny inevitably asks

"Ehh, What's up doc?"

What plays in my head when I hear booby trap.  Well, after the thirteen year old me finishes snickering.

Dating is full of booby traps.  They are different than minefields.  Booby traps are ones that we know are there and yet manage to get caught in any way, a la Elmer Fudd. [I know that technically booby traps can be and often are hidden, thinking specifically of the Vietnam War, but they never really are in the cartoons.] Mines are the ones we didn't know were there or see them but when we bump them they blow up in our faces.  Today's musing is booby traps (heh, heh).

This time of year is booby trap city.  It starts with Thanksgiving really, I suppose. Thanksgiving and Christmas are both family holidays.  Therefore, if you are still early on in dating someone, as I think I kind of am (more on that in the next blog), there is usually at least one awkward conversation about meeting family.  Are you coming to my family thing? Me to yours? It's difficult to meet your partners family for the first time at Thanksgiving or Christmas because A) there is likely to be more family around than just the usual clan, B) there are all kind
of traditions and family must-dos to wade through, C) there's alcohol, which even if you don't over drink, someone else might and an embarrassing encounter with Uncle Ed is the last thing you want to be your first impression.

I've kind of been dating someone and we somehow skated through the November-December holidays without issue.  It helped that I was out of town for Thanksgiving, hence making it a moot point. For Christmas he had a ton of familial obligations with all kind of family so I (perhaps slightly less than delicately) told him to go do his family thing and I'd see him after Christmas for New Years.

Another booby trap.  We did make New Year's Eve plans.  It's the first time I've had a "date" for NYE in  . . . uh . . counting. . .well, hmmmm . . . anyway. Dinner, a show, a midnight kiss.  No friends around to mingle with, just us so it was easy really. I did meet a couple of his friends the day before and I think I passed.  It was good that we were at a Seahawks game which provided ample distraction and gave us all a common cause.  Otherwise meeting the friends can turn into a grilling.

Whew, you're thinking you've missed the booby traps by making it into the new year.  Silly you.  Target started putting out Valentine's Day decorations two days after Christmas just to remind you that another, and potentially the biggest booby trap is around the corner. Valentine's Day can be tough even for established couples.  If you are dating, eeeeekkkkkkk.  Are we making plans? If so, how serious? Gifts? Again, how serious? There's all this pressure from society to give in and do flowers and cards and chocolates and stuffed bears and jewelry and lingerie and aaaaaaaggggghhhhhh.  I believe, as many do, that Valentine's is a crock of consumerism BS concocted to get us to by stuff in the post-holiday lull.  I haven't had Valentine's plans in, well, about as long as I haven't had NYE plans.

I've sort of managed to sidestep this one too I think.  I'm scheduled to be out of town for work on the actual day.  Since I'll be home for the weekend and then gone again, we sort of assume we'll see each other.  The catch is the gift/no-gift (which also comes up at Christmas).  I don't want V-Day to be an overblown awkward incident.  Let's just make awesome plans like we do on so many other weekends and call it good.  Flowers would be nice but that is plenty sufficient.

Not too long after Valentine's Day is my birthday. Again, we're back to gift/no gift. Gifts always are fraught with tension.  Was is personal enough but not too over the top or was it dreadfully generic? Did one person spend obviously more than the other? Was one gift a sign of taking things to the next level?  Did one person not get a gift to give? Stress central. With this particular guy, his birthday is about two weeks after mine, so we do this dance all over again.

Thank goodness for holidays like Arbor Day and Independence Day. They might be my new favorites, along with Memorial Day and Labor Day of course.

Holiday Recap

I've just realized that I didn't share any of my holiday goings-on.

I went down to California to visit my mom in November for Thanksgiving so my sister and her partner went south for Christmas.  That meant that I was without biological relatives nearby. Instead of  a family Christmas that looked neither exactly like an animated special or National Lampoon Chrismas:

I had two first dates. One was a nice guy but neither of us wants a relationship with the other.  Strangely enough I think he'll be a good friend.  The second I'm still sorting out.  I saw him twice more over Christmas break.  I'm not sure where it's going, or if it's going, but I'll be sure to keep you up to date.

I went to a friend's German Christmas Eve. There were about eight of us, three Germans, including the host.  The food was fantastic.  It was relaxed and I beat Santa home.

Christmas was brunch by E.  He's probably the best friend I've made this year. We met hiking.  We have a ton in common and we "get" each other. He hosted brunch on Christmas day. There was bacon, which in and of itself would make for a great Christmas.  He also made blueberry waffles and an oven omelet (I'd never had one but it was fantastic), there was coffee and egg nog martinis to boot.  Gal and I were the only timely ones but we made the most of it before a few other scragglers made their way over. 
I usually think of myself as good company for myself.  I forgot how the holidays can kind of screw with your head and was very happy that Germaness and E both provided friendly diversions.

Not a lot between Christmas and New Year's.  A snowshoe trip to be mentioned in a future blog.

I was invited to a Seahawks game on Sunday the 30th.  They are the local NFL (American Football) team and were in contention for the playoffs. They won the game and locked a playoff spot.  The games are fun but usually expensive.  We were about two dozen rows from the top of the stadium, or as 25 said, "three rows from God". I wore long underwear under my long underwear. We met another couple, friends of 25's. Pregame drinks were essential and my choice of A Frenchman in Dublin (like an Irish coffee with Irish cream plus courvoisier) was perfect. While the Hawks didn't play as well as they had been, it was really fun.  I suppose they could only keep averaging 50 points per game for so long.

New Year's Eve was a Monday so everyone had to work . . .except me because I'm still between contracts. 25 and I made plans.  We met and taxied to a restaurant in Fremont called 9 Million in Unmarked Bills.  The decor was fun and welcoming.  Our waiter was on top of things and we never waited long. We were surprised to be there in time for happy hour which didn't end until 7.  The food was stellar.  We shared a selection of crostinis, caprese salad, both veal chorizo and buffalo sliders, and diablo prawns with ricotta pancakes. He had a mint julep.  My winterized old-fashioned (with an apple cider reduction) was brilliant. I think we both agreed we would go back again in a heartbeat.

A two block walk down the street to Nectar where we had tickets to see Eldridge Gravy & the Court Supreme.  It was sold out and a small venue anyway.  The music was as good as expected and very upbeat,lively for the holiday.  There was an intermission with belly dancers that were somewhere between Arabic style and Vegas showgirls. The DJ played lots of old school stuff that got the crowd up and going.  I only had two drinks there an was sober the entire evening.  No, I'm not complaining.  I had a wonderful evening all around.



One sidenote - when we were in line to get in to Nectar, a homeless, Native American man was sitting on the sidewalk with a makeshift drum and cup.  He said hello, so I said hello.  He commented that he'd said hello to everyone in line and I was the only one who had taken a few minutes to talk to him.  Inside Nectar, we were bumped in to by a guy who looked like an old Hell's Angel's biker.  By the time he stumbled by we'd noticed him several times and he was fairly sloshed. That considered, he was very nice and seemed to be more lonely than anything.  25's protective shields went up as the Angel went in for a kiss to thank me for keeping an eye on his jacket (electricians union) later, but I think he was harmless.  Both cases made me think that apparently there is something about me that makes me approachable.  Also, why are so many people ignored and discarded by our society? It makes me double up my commitment to volunteer and help where I can, even if it's simply hello and eye contact.

Holiday Lonlies

The holidays are tough.  The shopping, parking, the chaos, cooking, family, the long cold dark days . . . .Do I need to continue? It almost makes even agnostic/semi-atheistic folks like myself glad that the Christian propaganda machine co-opted a mid-winter holiday that's taken over the globe.

The holidays are tough for the folks who have family.  Now, in some way, we all have family.  There are three basic family types when I think about it. 
* The first is your given family.  They are the people who raised you, potentially genetic relations, potentially adoptive relations. 
* The second is a family you choose.  I have a handful of close friends who are my family.  Especially when living overseas, this kind of family is common and necessary. When you live far away from your given family, you need other people to make your life abroad.  These are the people that you depend on, who bring you soup when you are sick, who celebrate your birthday with you, who cry along with you and then drink along with you.
* The third family is the one you make, i.e. marriage, relationships and procreation/adoption. Obvious! Also, one I don't have at the mo.

Holidays exacerbate a situation for people are lacking family.  I think of myself as a friendly, active person with people in her life.  That said, this holiday season, my given family (what little of it I have) were away.  My chosen family are, for the most part, in other countries and other parts of this country.  E was my rock as he hosted brunch on Christmas.  He is the Star of Bethlehem in my Christmas story this year.  Other than that, no one was around.  Not for fault of their own, I'm not blaming them.  It's impossible to pluck a friend from Madrid, a few from Jakarta, one from California, etc, etc, until we get the "beam me up" style technology I keep hoping for. All that considered, I had pangs of loneliness and twinges of depression.

Apparently, I am not the only one.  I had a few first dates in December.  I thought I was doing pretty well only to find out that a couple of my friends had even more dates.  One girlfriend had about seven dates in two weeks.  Another male friend had so many I couldn't keep them straight as he was telling me about them.  How did I not know that December was dating gold?

Granted, the results don't seem to be any better (or worse) than dating any other time of the year. Santa didn't bring me Mr. Fantastic this year.  I didn't stumble into him while Christmas shopping rom-com style. But, as I always advocate, meeting more people means that the laws of averages have to bend in your favor at some point!

I am interested to see what happens now, after the new year has sprung and we are in the marshlands between NYE and Valentine's Day. Will the dates continue? Will men lay low until after cupid has disappeared for another year?  In the meantime, keep your fingers crossed as the last of the holiday cheer runs its course. Another first day next week!