A Drawer

He's got a drawer.
Wikipedia says: A drawer (ⁱ/drɔr/) is a box-shaped container that fits into a piece of furniture in such a way that it can be drawn out horizontally to reach its contents.
I spoke of the delicate dance that dating is yesterday when I said that you can't offer too much help or care too soon.  This falls in to the same catergory. Since we haven't defined what we are doing beyond "dating and enjoying each other's company" the roll out has been slow.  Like hunting, no sudden movements, no loud noises, nothing too drastic or unexpected.

A couple months ago we both acknowledged the need for toothbrushes at each others places.  Other than that, a planned night over came with an overnight bag. Socks, underwear, etc.  The toothbrush could stay, the rest y ou packed back and forth. It was a small, subtle claim that was disposable. If the relationship ended, I would simply throw out the toothbrush. There would be no need to have an awkward meeting to exchange "stuff".

From there we added sweatpants.  We each left a pair of comfy pants at the others house because work pants are not usualy comfy and it's not fair if he gets to be in comfort and I'm in nice (though less comfortable) clothes. I also felt a little strange about being in lounge wear when he was dressed nice because it sort of meant he was a guest. I didn't think of him as a guest, I didn't expect him to act like a guest, yet it was a dividing line. So we went to Target and each bough a pair of pants to leave at the other's house. Mine are grey sweats, his are plaid pj pants.

After spending three days at my place when he was sick, we've realized that a toothbrush and sweatpants might not be enough. Sometimes we end up staying over at the other's house without planning to. To address this I've started leaving a mini-overnight bag (sock, underwear, a clean top and makeup kit) in the trunk of my car, next to my gym bag which lives there too. When 25 last stayed over, I noticed he had three pairs of shoes in his trunk. Apparently he was doing much the same as I was.

He mentioned that "it would be nice" if he could leave a few things.  Internally I thought, "well duh!" externally I said, "of course, that would be fine". And so, he has a drawer.

There hasn't been any talk of drawer reciprocation yet.  He tends to stay at mine more than the opposite, both for a few reasons: geography of work to home, space to spread out, a dog and cat who can't be left alone too long. If I do get a drawer, I wonder what I'll choose to fill it with?

Such a insignificant object for such a significant step.

Wonder which one I'll get?

Bronchitis

Not me thankfully, or not yet anyway.  25 got sick.  It's notable because it's the first "really sick/injured" of our relationship.  We've both had colds, but real sick is different.  Anything that requires a trip to the urgent care is different.

While I'm not happy he got bronchitis, it is a useful measuring stick.  Like I said, it's a milestone. It's great that it didn't happen when we'd only been dating a couple months. That could have ended things.  In my experience, women and very specifically me, tend to want to care for, even mother, a man.  I like to be helpful, offer assistance.  I've learned over the years, through trial and lots of errors plus a little reading (Why men date bitches and the like) you can't do that too soon.  When dating a man, you have to increase those sorts of "taking care of my man" sorts of things slowly, veeerrrrryyyyy sssssssssssssslllllllllllllooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwlllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyy. If you come on too fast/too much, they are like deer - they panic and flee. I can't speak for most women, but I often find that difficult.  I want to help. I have had to very deiliberately scale those efforts back to basics.

25 is like any man.  When he gets the flu is quickly turns in to manflu.  He had that a couple months ago, maybe January.  He had the sniffles, he wanted sympathy. He got a bit and no offers of soup, drugstore runs, etc. This time, with months behind us, it was different.

We both had minor cold symptoms Sunday a couple weeks ago.  I was congested, he had a sore throat.  We didn't really think anything of it.  My stuffy nose and sneezing lasted about four days.  25 was exposed to bronchitis at work and several other co-workers that were sick or had sick partners. He called in stick to work Wednesday and Thursday.  I took him soup on Wednesday night, hung out for a couple hours then went home because I had to get my beauty sleep for early work the next day.

Against my suggestion, he went to work Friday and was, let's say, less than productive.  Over the weekend he stayed at my place, mostly sleeping. He was burning up and had a very persistent cough, though none of the other more cold-like symptoms that I'd had. By Sunday morning he had decided that a trip to the urgent care clinic was warranted, and so it was. Acute bronchitis meant an injection and prescriptions.

The milestone part to all of this is that he let me take care of him.  He said more than once that he'd be/have been a lot worse off without me. He thanked me for being there, for having him at the house and making sure he had gatorade and soup. He seemed to notice that having me in his life for a long time would be a really good thing, beneficial on multiple fronts.

Resignation

Not from blogging, from match.com and okcupid.com

That's where things have gone.  25 and I had a conversation two weeks ago that went like this:

Me: Are you still on match?

Him: Uh, I think i still have a membership but I never go on it.

PAUSE

Him:  I guess stop it so it doesn't auto renew me when it ends in April.

Me: Does that mean you're ending your match membership?

Him: Yea, I think so.

Me: Ok, I'll end mine when it's up in May too.

We met on match.  Somehow, all my ridiculous online dating stories turned in to a "success story", but don't tell match.com that or I'll probably have to do some shmarmy commercial.

We started really slow.  I think our first three dates were spread over about six weeks or so.  We both dated other people for a couple months. We never had a typical commitment talk.  We've talked about what we might want going forward but never exactly a talk to figure out if we are "together", dating, involved or whatnot. So this was our talk.

I assume, and feel good about that assumption, not that I'm making an "ass out of u and me" (think about it!) that we are together.  I see him at least four evenings a week. We have plans throughout the summer including camping, concerts and weekends away. If that doesn't mean something then having a "talk" wouldn't either.

I feel good about giving the online dating a rest.  Luckily, should the need arise, it'll be there for me to peruse again.