In addition to the baby shower last weekend, 25's step bro announced, via 25's sis, that he and his wife are pregnant. I won't go in to the fact that it's bizarre that Zoo, 25's sis, was the one to tell us, not the step bro, even though he and 25 have lived together and been family for about 12 years. I also won't go in to what I think of step bro and wife because who knows who reads this thing.
Instead, I wonder why people have kids. What possesses someone to decide to give over their body to a parasitic creature that will warp said body in ways that means it will never be the same? To have a kid whom they will have to pay for from now until the end of time. To have a baby that will cry incessantly and ruin any future good night's sleep or gourmet meal. To willingly decide to be chained to a place, a budget, another person (the other 'creator', not to mention said child) in some way or another for, in most cases, the rest of ones life.
I'm 31. I've never heard it tick. You know, the biological clock all women are supposed to have and fear once they hit the time in their life when CHILD BEARING MUST TRUMP ALL, because time is running out. Nnoooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
Maybe I've spent too many years taking care of and educating kids that other people have screwed up beyond belief. I'm surprised school teachers ever have kids of their own. The saving grace of dealing with other people's kids is that they are other people's kids. If it's sick, crying, generally being unpleasant, I can hand it back. I got to go from the loud helter-skelter of work with kids, to a home that is quiet and clean, not the reverse. I can go out as late as I want any night of the week, I can. spend my salary on things I want, I . . . I digress.
Maybe I'm waiting until I'm 'ready', though I suspect most people who've had kids would be the first to say you never really are ready. I am definitely not financially ready for kids. I can't imagine having to pay for diapers and food and doctor's visits, and . . . and . . .and. . .ad nauseum while I still have debts. That being said, if only the debt free had children, we wouldn't be dealing with over population on the planet
I don't want to give up three day Bumbershoot weekends, and spur the moment camp trips and about a million other things. Many call that selfish or spoiled behavior but isn't it smarter to think and say those things, than to have a kid and resent it for keeping you from having the life you want? I've seen it happen first hand and it isn't pretty. Everyone connected to that parent-child relationship is miserable.
I wonder what percentage of people who have kids felt an urge or desire to be a parent/to have kids. Some deep-seated need to sire an offspring, to nurture it to adulthood. I haven't had that pang or twinge. I don't know what it feels like. I can't imagine it either come to think of it. Or do most people become parents accidentally, without a pang or forethought. Does that more about why so many people are lousy parents and so many kids are dysfunctional than anything?
25 and I have talked about this and we're on the same page. We're leaving the door open a crack. We may want kids someday but at this point we are both happy we don't have kids and don't want them now. Knowing that I won't disappoint him because I don't want kids, that we don't have an awkward, potentially relationship ending conversation awaiting us in the abyss that is the future relieves a lot of anxiety and fear. We've talked about the societal convention and expectation, about the shortage or resources and overpopulation that breeding has created, about people we know who are parents. We both agree that at this point, we don't need to copy our DNA forward to lead a fulfilling, happy lives.
I'd be very interested to see comments from people who have kids, who don't, those who want them, and those who don't. Why did you decide to procreate?
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