Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Riding the wave, or just attempting to hang on to the board

As much as I wish this blog post was actually about surfing, it's not.  It's a blog about a pattern in my life.  This unintentionally follows on the heels of the magnetic field hypothesis which would make sense for waves.  I wish I had planned it that way, but let's just say subconsciously I did.  A big part of me would like to assume that it's a pattern that occurs for most people, but I have no idea really.  It seems like something very Malcolm Gladwell via Blink or Tipping Point, based in sociology and psychology. If after reading this you have an opinion (to agree, disagree, alter or call me a total crack pot) I encourage you to do so.
courtesy of hickerphoto.com.  See?  One right after the other! Up and down

This is a theory that has taken shape over the last couple years.  I think that my life moves in waves.  Some might say it's cyclical but I find more resonance with the idea of high and low troughs of the wave, potentially the water too though there is the water cycle. There are the high points when things are all flying along.  I can get a taxi with only a minute wait, my friends are around and available for dinners, drinks and general indulgence, I go out on a date or two, the money is if not plentiful at least sufficient.  These are the times that life is really good.  More than likely there's something coming up for me to look forward to, concerts, trips or the like.  My only slow down is myself as my social calendar is packed! This is when the life of a social butterfly is everything it's cracked up to be.
courtesy of alysband.com.   If this were a true representation the drink would have tequila in it.
Just as every high tide is followed by a low, and the crest of a wave has the accompanying trough, the contentment can't last forever.   The money runs short after an emergency or two, the men seem to vanish (figuratively if not literally), no one can be found for a pedicure date or even free beer night.  It's never just one event that turns a crest into a trough, a high into a low.  It's normally a mass build up of five, then eight and the twelfth "something" is what pushes me over the limit.
courtesy of ineedmotivation.com.   One cut isn't the problem, it was the 14 before that were.

Now that's the overarching layout. Since I began formulating, I've also noticed the waves in smaller parts of my life.  After nine weeks in a row going out every Friday with the girls, I get tired.  I need a weekend in, often on my own, to regenerate.  Maybe even two or three weeks away from the club and bar scene.  Then, I find myself rested and itching to go back, which I do. I pull away, sleep more (or enough at least), read, relax and have my time.
courtesy of cartoonstock.com.   I'm not that bad, but I do drop off the social radar.
One day I have a craving for microwave popcorn following six months when it didn't even cross my mind.  I proceed to have microwave popcorn every second or third day for three weeks until I'm totally sick of it and don't want it even at the movies.
courtesy of deartheonion.wordpress.com. 

I have a great group of girlfriends here, bigger and probably closer than any group of girlfriends I've had before.  Before you blast me, those of you who I am/was close to in Spain or the States, this is a small pack that's tight knit for lack of many other community options. As a group we are all close, where Spain were different factions of a group that did get along when all together but rarely were all together.  That all being laid out, for three weeks I might see one particular friend a dozen times.  We discuss certain things that they "get" more than others, we have similar available times to meet up, and just enjoy each others company.  Again, after a couple weeks, there is a burn out factor.  I just need to expand back out to a different part of the group.  I don't cut that person out of my life, but might need or want to back off from seeing them all the time.

I've just come out of a short trough, but it was a deep one.  All the waves seemed to bottom out at the same time, nothing helping keep me afloat. It was a combination of many factors, some which are still mid-resolution. I occasionally wonder if I'm bipolar, though I feel like those highs and lows would be more frequent or without external provocation.  Either way, after this most recent low I wanted to give thanks to my mom first and foremost, who is always my rock and anchors me to a truer version of reality that I sometimes create for myself. Also to all my lovely, amazing friends who have come to understand that I have ups and downs and are willing to roll with me all the same.

1 comment:

  1. You're not bipolar! Unless I am too.
    I'm pretty sure this happens to everyone, in big and small ways. I imagine it's things like this that made people turn to astrology to work out when they'd have lots of energy and time, and when they'd be swamped.
    I've heard it termed as "biorhythm", although now I think about it that sounds more like this study on natural predator / prey life cycles. Hmm.. I'll do some research sometime.