Managing Expectations

There are lots of ways I manage expectations. 

Growing up I expected, without consciously knowing it, that I would grow up, meet Mr. Right, have kids, a house, a dog.  I think many women mature under the notion that there is someone for every one.  I no longer expect there is.

I fight the expectations that society sets. I suppose I could say I ignore those expectations, but fight makes it sound intentional  The romantic comedy routine, the way books and stories tell us we'll fall for each other and it will be magical from the beginning.  The societal expectations that we all pair up, procreate and live mildly miserably ever after. Most of you can guess I eschewed that assupmtion about the time I left the country.


I realize that all relationships are a bit of reconciling the ideal with the close enough. It's part of the dating beast. What I want and what's out there to be had aren't a matching file. My list consists of a few "deal breakers", some "strongly advised to have" and lots of "this would be nice as bonus".  The older I get the less willing I am to settle with a guy who isn't close enough to right for me.  The less willing I am to take crap.  And I have reconciled myself to the fact that it might mean I'm single a long while longer.

I no longer expect a call.  This is a tricky one because on the one hand I think know that I'm a great catch. I'm intelligent, well-traveled, blah, blah, blah.  That being the case, I have come to expect a lot of lousy dates to get to the few good ones.  Yet, even after a great date, I doubt there will be a call or a second date.  Why?  Because expecting there will be leads to disappointment, and that makes for a sad panda. Am I cold and jaded? Maybe.  Am I less upset than I used to be? Maybe.

There is a tiny sliver of my conscious, on the border of the subconscious, that has forseen my life without a partner in it.  An expectation of sorts really.  I'm not quite ready to give in to that one but I know it there and don't feel haunted by it.

When I'm on a date I make sure I am not giving signals that would allow him to assume (expect) that he's going to get laid, that I'm a doormat for him to trod on, that I am looking for happily ever after or that I am less than awesome.  One can only do so much about another persons expectations though. Mine are more than enough to juggle.

and I'm off!

I leave today for the summer's big trip.  Here's one last post before I go. 
I am very excited to be going away for a multitiude of reasons.  Jakarta is a city that makes for a good port of call and is close enough to many other countries that you can get away.  But in a city like Jakarta you do need to get away regularly.  I can't say I expect some cities I go to (say Hanoi or Ho Chi Minh) to be much better for pollution or traffic, but they would be hard pressed to be worse. I need some variety in the weather.  We had a rain storm yesterday for the first time in a month.  Lastly, the timing couldn't be better to get away from the drama of BoT and that aftermath.

This will be a hard work holiday.  I will be on the move every day or two to a new place, walking to and from sights, buses, boats, etc. I'll be carrying a pack, though a pretty light one at about 10 kilos. It's my favorite kind of holiday but also the kind that you almost need another vacation to rest up from.  I even had half a thought that I might get a little fitter because of it.  I'll also be off the booze.  I doubt I'll drink much apart from a few beers on the trail.  The girls and I have been partying it up here so I might be in trouble when I get back but this mini detox might be a positive.

I am nervous, as usual.  I am getting much better at knowing what to expect in countries I've never been to but i t's still the unknown.  I always have a little knot in my stomach about making flights and connections, getting in to the hostels and checking in, etc.  In a day I'll be comfortable there but until then, the butterflies are bonking into each other in my stomach. I'll have a few days alone in Hanoi upon arrival. My first order of business will be to sort out my sim card and phone, then try some of the food that everyone has been raving about.

Keep your fingers crossed that things go smoothly (for the most part anyway). Aside from a slow day or two I don't expect to blog.  I don't want to be tied to a computer on the trip. I'll be posting on facebook fairly regularly though.  Now I'm logging of to go to the last minute run around!  Take care and catch you soon.

Be a Sport!

Here's the detailed account of this years first Teacher's Sports Day!!!  Feel the saccharine tone in my voice?  That's because I was faking my sweet interest, and poorly at that.

On Friday the students left after fourth period, about 10:30 in the morning.  The teachers were to be finished about noon so that we could have TEACHERS SPORTS DAY!!! Da dada daaaaa!! It was a team building exercise involving ALL the teachers at JIKS.  Now even though the elementary, middle and high schools are all on the same campus, rarely the twain shall meet. I know a lot of the names of the secondary teachers form mentions about the office.  I've seen quite a few of them walking in or out of school but I think I'd only spoken to about two of them since I started last August.  This sports day was also going to include all the Korean teachers from the different schools AND the administrative office.  It had all the making of a disaster.

This was the notice we got about the days events:
* Sports Day Schedule

          Time                         Events   
  1      12:00 ~ 12:20          Warm up   
  2      12:20 ~ 12:40          Dodgeball( Female) (5분씩, 3Set)    
  3      12:40 ~ 13:40          Volleyball (Female+ Male, 3Set)   
  4      13:40 ~ 14:00          Volleyball for friendship (KT+Native, 1Set)   
  5      14:00 ~ 14:30          Table tennis ( F + M, 1Set)   
  6      14:30 ~ 15:00          Badminton (Male, Male + Female)   
  7      15:00 ~ 16:30          Dinner( Cafeteria)   

  1. Please, go to the gym by 11:50.
 2.Winners( team) will get the vouchers for leaving early and Karaoke Voucher( equivalent to 1,000,000).
   Go! Go!

I went into it in a foul mood.  Normally we'd get to leave early that Friday since the kids had testing.  I'd thrown a week long fit about the female only dodgeball (what, no bikini mud wrestling?). The other three sports to be included were volleyball, table tennis (henceforth to be referred to as ping pong :P ) and badminton.  I can understand volleyball.  It's a team sport and they wanted teams of nine.  I've been in Asia a year and a half, but I still can't get the fascination with the faux sports of badminton and ping pong.


It kicked off with toe touchy warm up to a pop 80's song.  Then lots of standing around waiting.  The schedule was almost immediately scrambled in favor of starting with volleyball for friendship. Next came something unexpected.  I started out in the Bule vs Korean volleyball match and had a good time.  I stayed in for part of the elementary vs secondary matches.  It was fun.   I was then completely mind boggled by the dodgeball.  I may try to use diagrams to explain that soon.  When the dodgeball wrapped up and the "non-sports" kicked in, I perked up with a cold Bintang.  I was starving when we entered the gym so I had some mildly sweet brown rice balls with raisins which were much nicer than I know they sound, and some watermelon. I talked with three guys from the secondary school and met two others.  It was great.


About 2/3 of the bule lot trouped up to the canteen/cafeteria for food.  They had quite the spread set out for us.  We all agreed it was better than the last school meal out at a Korean restaurant.  One big benefit of working at a Korean school is that they eat pork.  And the roast pork was excellent.  Add in veggies, life giving kimchi, noodles, etc, etc and it was a meal for a king.  There were beers around and bottle of soju (think Korean tequila) a plenty. By the time I begged off at 4:30, I had a touch of a beer buzz and a full belly. The conversation was entertaining for the most part and the day wrapped up well.


The last good news of the day?  The elementary school won Sports Day.  We earned one "early leave day" free pass for the staff, and we used it yesterday!  I'm often surprised here at JIKS, but to have a positive surprise hit me double.

When don't birthdays count?

I'm 29 today, which is nearly thirty.  30.  3-0. While I realize that thirty must be the new twenty since forty is the new thirty (and we can't have two thirties I'd assume),  I'm happier now than I was at twenty. There will probably be an age when I look back and say "I wish I were ## again", but that age isn't now.

courtesy of bostonherald.com.  The classic from when I was a kid.

While there are some things I would trade {namely my swimmers physique at seventeen for my lazy nearing middle aged sponginess now}, I wouldn't go back to being a teenager for anything. I escaped.  I don't use that word lightly, but I left high school early.  My last two years, grades 11 and 12/ages 16-18, were spent at a local community college choosing my classes and actually learning something.  I returned to high school for swim team and administrative details, that was it. I wasn't the prom queen (shocking, I know), I wasn't on student council and homecoming committee. I didn't hang around after classes to see the football/baseball/basketball game nor the wrestling/tennis match or even the track meets. High school wasn't my thing.  I don't look back and think "Man, that was a great time. I really miss being in high school".  I can't even fathom what that would feel like or who does that.

courtesy of iamanasha.com

After high school were some rocky years.  One was spent at the University of Kansas, one and a half at U of WA.  Following school were years of work, struggle and growing up.  I though we grew up from, say, age two until twenty when i was a kid.  One goes to school, learns things ranging from how to line up and share to quantum physics.  I'm more and more sure as time goes on that I became more the person I am now between the ages of maybe 18 and 28. That was when I moved away from home, moved back, then moved even farther away. I lived in foreign countries and with cheerleader-like enthusiasm and support of my mom, I became self reliant and resilient.  I got through the toughest times I've seen so far.  I climbed mountains and hiked valleys (literally and figuratively), I swam in far off oceans and spoke in foreign tongues.  I embraced the person I became, no the person I am still becoming, even though that person isn't who I used to think I would be. I did it alone, but with several pillars of support, namely my mom and sister, that allowed me to go alone.

If you'd asked me fifteen or six or even two years ago where I wanted to be, where I thought I might be, I can, with no doubt in my mind, tell you that I never estimated I'd be teaching Koreans in Indonesia.  That I would be single, uncertain if I ever want kids.  My assumption at this point is that I'll be heading back to The States at some point in the not to distant future with plans to get my Masters in Education or Teaching. More on that in another blog, but I have mixed feeling about going back "home".

courtesy of davidhairstyle.blogspot.com

A last note on birthdays. Mine is on a Wednesday this year.  Wednesday is the longest work day of the week for me.  I'm up at 6 am. Other than a stop at home to change clothes and bags, I'm rarely home before 10. I teach a business class that night.  It was suggested that I move the class to a different night, maybe Tuesday or Thursday, so I could celebrate. Why?  I can't really go celebrate on a Wednesday night anyway.  The weekend following my birthday is filling up rapidly which leaves me to celebrate a week and a half after.  What will the celebration that commemorates the day of my expulsion from the womb (if you don't watch Community, you'll never get that reference) consist of?  Probably dinner and drinks, like any other weekend here in the Big Durian. At nearly thirty, when my birthday is in the middle of a busy week, at the end of the month when everyone is anxiously awaiting payday, what's the point to celebrate? Why is it that we continue to count?  Does it really matter if you are 42 or 31 or 55?  As children we use age as a classifier for grades and levels at school or sports teams.  As adults?  What bloody difference does it make, its just another Wednesday in March.

courtesy of eatsmartagesmart.com.  If I'm not counting years, I'm definitely not counting calories!