Lessons learned in and from Indonesia

The only time I don't mind being noticed, aka stared at, is when I'm whizzing by on an ojek. I have to consciously fight the urge to stick my arms out as we hit a traffic free stretch.

Good quality rain gear is worth is weight, but so is a mentality that it doesn't matter if you get wet. Sandals are the smarter shoe in the rain and people seem to getting wetter in direct proportion to how hard they are trying to stay dry.

I instinctively assume rain, foggy mornings and gray days will be cold.

Ojeks are still the best way to get around this city. Traffic flows like water, trying to stay in perpetual motion.  I'm still surprised there aren't more accidents than there are here.


Street animals will always break my heart and puppies always make me smile.

I hate zoos.  They depress me and make me feel helpless. 

Badly translated signs are still funny, even after being abroad for four years. Things like semen elephant fiber make me giggle.

No matter how many times I've heard it, when a student offers "cock" as an animal, or asks for a "rubber" and means eraser, I have to stifle a chuckle.

Upon entering my apartment, cicaks (little wall lizards) and cockroaches scurry in the same way and I jump, startled in the same way.

I really like bats.  I have become a big fan of anything that eats mosquitoes or other things that bite me, but I really think bats are cool especially at dusk, swooping out of the trees.

The more languages I learn the worse my typing gets.

People wearing uniforms may look official or proper but for the most part they hold no real power.

A tree branch is not a good warning marker for a pothole or broken down vehicle. Just like honking is not a good way to make something happen in traffic.

Sometime foreign words, or phonetically spelled words, are easy to understand but it still takes practice.  Is crem took me a bit to figure out.  Now I can easily tell what mekanik, otomotif, bisnis and sekolha teknik are.

Buses deserve names, of course.  Like "publik figur" the "love you full" and "itu dia?" - that guy?

I miss the seasons and the points of change between them.  I miss boots and scarves, sweatshirts and socks.

Just because a city is near the sea doesn't mean the beach is worth a damn.  I chose Pluit when I first moved here to work for EF because it was the closest to the coastline.  What a mistake!  It is foul-smelling and toxic.  You couldn't pay me enough to go in the water there.

Koreans are strange. Indonesians are strange. I am strange.  We are just all strange in our own weird way. . . . And some more than others.

I don't ever want to go to Korea. North OR South.

The more I travel, the more racist I get.  I know the reasons for the stereotypes and the presuppositions. I make them too, but I know why. 

I have a temperament better suited for Europe than Asia. I also didn't realize how much I liked things in Madrid.  It was far from perfect and there are lots of opportunities/advantages in Asia that don't exist in Spain but I'll happily go back there and not here, to live that is.

I can be more patient than I knew. An hour on a stopped bus? Two hours to go five miles? Twenty five minutes in a grocery check out line with two people ahead of me?  No sweat.

There is no limit to the number of people you fall in love with in your life.  I've met some amazing people here, first and foremost my girlfriends.  There have been a few men that have come and gone but the heart and mind have a limitless capacity.  I love them now and will take them with me when I go.

Indonesians in the way

I used to complain about the way Madrileños walk down the street.  They always spread across the sidewalk to fill the void.  If there were two people they left a bit of a gap between to fill up at least 70% of the sidewalk.  If there were five people they would more or less string along arm in arm to fill the entire width of the sidewalk.  Walking like this is great for conversation.  It's less than great for the person stuck behind, frantically trying to pass and rush to the subway station to go to class.

Jakartans have topped the Madrileños and then some. Not only can they walk side beside wide enough to fill a mall walkway, but they've found other equally frustrating ways to be in the way.  Elevators are a great example. 98% of the foreigners I know in Jakarta complain about Indonesian elevator etiquette or lack there of. When you are waiting for an elevator and it arrives the Indonesians will immediately bum-rush the door. The problem is that there are usually people in the elevator trying to get out, especially in the malls. There are no alternate exits and I can't give you may space in the elevator until you let me get out. Simple physics. Now move back!!

A couple weeks ago I had a similar experience on an even more absurd level.  I was at a mall with some friends for dinner.  The closest bathroom has a strange layout,  there are three stalls side by side but the walkway to get to them is next to a wall and very narrow.  I have become accustomed to the Indonesian way of lining up outside each individual stall, not making one master line from which the next person proceeds forward. That took some getting used to too.  You have to make your bet on who's going to come out first, who has a child in with them, who's changing clothes, etc.  I queued and went into the stall.  I pride myself on being quick when others are waiting and within a minute or two I opened the door to emerge but couldn't. A teenage girl was barging her way in.  If you think carefully about bathroom stalls, there's not much spare space.  There was no way I was going to be able to go around.  So I laid into her with my arm and pushed out, leaving her to regain her balance.  I left shaking my head.

Another new situation had me astounded once again this morning.  I caught the elevator to the basement of my building where I walk out to meet my ojek.  Usually the elevators are empty but a woman was in it when I got on.  We rode down and she rushed to get out before me as I suspected she would so I hung a step back.  After leaving the elevator you must exit a security door to reach the garage.  She pushed the button to release the door, opened it and then stayed in the door way, bag on one side, arm holding the door on the other and me left with nowhere to go.  The security guard tried to shuffle her out of the way, at which point she turned around and looked at me. She seemed both startled to see me and to be glaring.  WE WERE IN THE ELEVATOR TOGETHER!! She knew I was there.  Where the hell else was I going to go? I gave her a dirty look, to which she was oblivious because she was Indonesian and exited.

I'm starting to think these are all a metaphor for my life in Jakarta.

Rubber Time

At some point you think I'd learn.  In Spain nothing happens on time.  Fifteen minues late is "on time" and half an hour late is still acceptable.  It takes some getting used to when you show up fifteen minutes early for class and it's forty minutes before you see your first students in an adult business class.  They have a different idea of what's rush-worthy.  The last subway train of the night is rush-worthy.  The start of the business day not so much. It's the laid back Latin mentality that also allows whole cities to shut after lunch for siesta.  The Brits are known for their timeliness, the Spanish, for good reason, are not.

If the Spanish are tardy, I'm not sure what the correct term for Indonesians is.  The phrase they use is "rubber time", which really doesn't do justice to their lack of punctuality. It's not just the mentality that it doesn't really matter.  It's also that there's always a good excuse - the rain, the traffic, a flat tire on your ojek, no taxis, a protest or road closure. Surprisingly, my business class is always on time but it is an office of just ten people and I teach in their only conference room.

Knowing all of this I still always show up on time.  At work we're required to be in at seven.  The first class of the school day isn't until 7:20.  I turn up between 6:50 and 6:55 every day.  I was into my business class five minutes early.  I arrive early enough at the radio show that I can squeeze in a sate.  My downfall is being on time to social events. My friends never manage to calculate how long trips in this chaotic city will take.  I seem to have a better sense about how long it really takes to get somewhere.  I consider the time of day,  where I'm going to and from, what political issues might affect my trip, and the weather.

Yesterday, for example, I was able to walk down to the street, wait minutes for a taxi and still get to the restaurant five minutes early. My friend was 30-40 minutes late.  It was raining, she couldn't get a cab, etc.  She's lived in Indonesia ten years but doesn't have a sixth sense about transport I guess. This wasn't my longest wait either! That tops out at an hour and a half.  No reason to wonder why I carry a book!

I've been on a kimchi binge lately

Those are words I thought I'd never say. I have never been a particularly picky eater.  I find lots of foods I like and there are very few that I resoundingly refuse. This week I've found myself three days in a row, staring down some kimchi.  It was by choice and it tasted good.  My stomach isn't always happy about it but it tastes good. 

One day I had chicken katsu and kimchi. The next was pork katsu and kimchi.  One benefit of working at a  Korean school is pork. I still get funny looks when I occasionally pass on rice. There's a saying in Indonesia that you haven't eaten if there wasn't any rice.

Both days I had what we call Kimchi pizza.  It's not kimchi on a pizza.  It's kimchi that has had a little flour added and is fried flat like a pancake. It's really yummy.  I think I'll have another one today.

Today one of the parents brought in kimchi mandoo.  It's a dumpling filled with kimchi, noodles and tofu. Not too spicy but nice. It was served with a strange "drink".  It was bright pink with slices of white radish, garlic and onion floating in it. It tasted much better than it sounds. 

I might wash it all down with the grape drink that has real, whole grapes floating about it in. 

 Or a Milkis which is like combining think yogurt with sprite. 

I do like some Korean food, especially the barbequed pork.  That said I'm glad I don't have to eat it every day.

I dare say

I've mention a couple of peculiarities I've added to my vernacular (a word I like and feel is highly underused) over the years.  I think the process really began when I left the States but as I think of it, I'd trace it back to Lawrence, Kansas.  I attended one year of university and left with a y'all that stuck.  It doesn't come out too often. Strangely, improving my Spanish helped reinforce it. There's a verb form that is for "you all who are not me but who I'm talking to" therefor distinct from a They or a We.  Y'all fits precisely.

As my Spanish vocabulary grew in size and complexity, it began to pervert my English. There are words that are similar but sound slightly different - like information and información. Click on the words for pronunciations. They are very close but the stress is distinct. The patterns of speech and word orders are different in Spanish as well.  And let's not forget that there are more verb tenses for past and present in Spanish. It makes my head start to spin thinking about all the intricacies when now I can usually speak it without much thought.

Now as I've come to Indonesia my language is further corrupted. Indonesian, or bahasa indonesia as it's called here, is the opposite of Spanish.  It contains few grammar rules, most revolving about suffixes and prefixes that change a words meaning or use. When the Republic of Indonesia was founded the government realized the need to have a single uniting language, while not abolishing the local languages.  They made it simple enough that anyone could learn it. Instead of having a past tense, anything that happened before now is accompanied by kemarin, or yesterday.  My first few months here involved lots of incidents where I'd say "but it wasn't yesterday, it was a week ago" or something to that affect. If you want to be specific you say when, such as last month, or two weeks ago, but kemarin is the norm.  The same happens with besok or tomorrow for anything in the future.  Part of my personal result of all this has been that when something had occurred or been done the Indonesians say sudah or already.  Nearly all the bule who live here use that as well.  Did you eat lunch? Already.  Are you finished with the paper? Already.  It's awful English but it's very pervasive.

That gives me a nice segue into the fact that teaching English is more likely to screw up your English than anything.  If you hear bad English all day, everyday. You start to subconsciously pick up your students habits and ticks, like the above mentioned already.  You also get accustomed to speaking in short broken bits of English knowing that your students won't follow a more cohesive speech pattern. You go home? Bring book tomorrow ya? It's an effort to change gears when I'm out with friends and speak like the intelligent adult I am.

The last percentage of blame goes to my expat friends.  These are folks from the US, England, Australia, Ireland, Canada, New Zealand, Scotland and Wales mostly.  Many of them have retained an accent and vocabulary close to what it would be at home, some have not.  They've all affected my speech.  I'd never have said . . . well, wait right there.  I"d never have said I'd never have said before.  That's present perfect and much more common in the UK.  That could be my friends or teaching British English for two years.  Brilliant, can't be asked (with accompanying Liverpudlian accent), meant to (in place of supposed to), and reckon (used as "you think") are the most prevalent additions. I'm trying to compile a list of all my "new" words but we'll see how that goes.  I'll also start a list of pronunciations as two weeks ago we realized I say to-MAH-to in the British vein, no longer to-MAY-to as most Americans would. 

Luckily, I'm still the one translating and interpreting for others!

Real Reality

I've decided that people who spend too long in Jakarta lose a sense for what reality is.  This may extrapolate out to Indonesia and even Southeast Asia on the whole but I'll keep my assumptions closer to the point.

Jakarta is a city where so many can do so much with so little while few waste much more to accomplish very little.  Here's a clarifying example.  I've seen houses built of little more than cement bricks, cement and corrugated tin.  Restaurants can be made entirely of bamboo with a thatched roof. They are often constructed in a matter of days and provide sufficient structure for their purpose.  On the other hand, the relatively few politicians and wealthy business owners are able to siphon off money from public works projects, from donations, from their companies to the disadvantage of everyone else.  Jakarta was supposed to get a monorail system years ago but the funding, which had come from foreign government investments, disappeared.  This year there was talk of trying it again, with money from Japan and now that's gone as well.  I wouldn't claim that similar scenarios aren't playing out worldwide, but I have a hard time seeing it on such a stratified, rampant level. An unfortunate reality.

For the rich and powerful in Jakarta it is.

The amount of buying one can do here is in the upper levels of ludicrous. By Indonesian standards my wage is very good.  Compared to other foreigners, my salary is pretty low  (middlin for teachers but teachers are much lower than the oil and gas group, the financial clan or any business men). That being said, I rarely have a budget. I pay an ojek driver for daily rides, I take more taxi rides in a week than I've taken in my lifetime in the US and I have a maid. I go out to eat and drink with my friends without a second thought.  I don't buy many things, but lots of groceries. Salon trips happen at least twice a month most of the time. I travel a lot.  The "quality of life" as its often termed here is high. There are lots of things I'd like to do that I can't from here, but there is very little here I can't do. I can buy or do nearly anything.  In the US and Spain I had to watch my pennies so to speak.  I wouldn't splurge $25 for a pedicure in Seattle, but here when it costs $4-8 I can't see a reason not to. Definitely unreality.

Other than putting up with lots of irritations, life here is pretty easy.  You can pay people to take care of almost anything for you. Every business is over staffed, though the service isn't usually great. The traffic is enough to make you lose your mind.  Sitting two hours in a car to go 30 km is mind-melting. The monotony of the weather is a bore for me, and the torrential afternoon rains that will be starting soon are a huge inconvenience.

Bule (foreign, especially white) men can get women half their age and hotter than anyone they'd get at home simply because they are white. Old, fat, hairy, lazy, grumpy, ugly men routinely being chase by young, fit, good looking Indonesian girls. Girls who bend over backwards and put up with lots of shit because these guys buy them things and might provide an better life. If this is reality, I'll tune out.

He might look something like this, but about possibly older

and he'll be dating someone like this.

My wager is that anyone who stays here very long starts to think that all of this, all the insanity that is Jakarta, is normal.  It's not.  I haven't met another soul who things the way things carry on here are in any way similar to back home - wherever home might be! Australia, Canada, the US, New Zealand, continental Europe and the UK.   To those who like/love it here and have been here X years (any number of 2 will suffice), whoopie for you.  Don't not believe for a second that just because you like the inane behavior of the people here, both bule and Indonesian, you can suffer the choking exhaust fumes, you no longer are bothered by the traffic that you will EVER convince me that this is normal and acceptable.

The pollution makes for great swimming opportunities

Floods then move all the trash about.

An average day in traffic

Take a nice big bite when you leave the house.

Half-flys and hookers

I was lucky that it was a Kiwi friend took me under her rugby wing.  She was looking for someone to watch the Super 15 tournament games with her. I agreed with the condition that she'd have to spend the our first game together answering my questions. Tri-Nations and Rugby World Cup have followed in succession.

I'm still working out the finer points of the positions but I GET IT!!!

I got the jist of rugby before; it's just similar enough to American football that I got the concept of running the ball into the goal area, or kicking it through goal posts. It's was all the penalties and subtleties that were lost on me.  She patiently answered all my "what was that?" and "what happened there" s over the course of the game.  I'm still seeing something new every game.  The scrums are making sense, I can see where a team get a foul on line-outs, and I'm starting to follow kicking v throwing v running strategies.  I get it now.  I don't instinctively plunge headlong into an NFL vs Rugby argument on the side of the Americans any more. 

Crouch, touch, pause, engage

I'm now a dutiful All Blacks fan.  Before you go jumping on me as a fan who's jumped in on the backs of the most famous, most prodigious team for just those reasons, hold your horses.  The friend who taught me about rugby is KIWI, that means she's an ALL BLACKS fan. Since I learned from her, and watching them, they're my team. A week or two ago I sent her an sms saying that we were playing and I meant ABS (All Blacks), not the USA, who I didn't even know had a team until two weeks ago. And incidentally there are over 90,000 pro rugby players in the US.  Really??

I love sport.  I grew up watching baseball and football.  I feel in love with football (aka soccer) when I saw it live for the first time in Guatemala.  My team in the FIFA World Cup were the Spaniards.   I supported Spain from the beginning and might have been the only one doing so in Jakarta. They won to boot! I'm hoping that the same magic will work for the ABS.  I almost got my American card revoked for not supporting the US then and I was questioned about it again for RWC. When we get to the Olympics then it'll be a different story but until then . . .


I watched the last three rugby games of open play in the Rugby World Cup.  The quarterfinals will start next weekend and I'm excited about it.  I have learned some of the players on other teams and see strengths and weaknesses in them. I was sad to see Scotland knocked  out of play, and even sorrier to see how dirty the Italian team played against the Irish (which made me happier the Irish team moved on).  Great resource for RWC

Plus the All Blacks have the Haka. Wicked cool.

I will unabashedly admit that there might be another reason I continue watching rugby. Sonny Bill Williams and Dan Carter may be the reason I like rugby.  I like the physicality, the athleticism and the players.

Dan Carter, Abs

Sonny Bill Williams, ABs

Do you blame me? Drool.

Korean Translations

Chris, a teacher I work with, has recently given me a new method for hours of entertainment at work. We have an instant message system at work called CoolMessenger. It works as well as a rusty wheelbarrow with a flat.  You can limp it along for ten feet, but anything more is just irritatingly painful.  Anyway. The English speakers can only send messages to other English speakers but the Koreans can, and do, send messages to everyone, usually in Korean.   Chris has found that if you put the Korean messages into Babelfish translator by Yahoo you get back a result that ranges from hilarious to downright gibberish. Please enjoy a few examples.  I'll put my best guesses about their meaning, or what they were in regards to.  If you can sort it out, please share.

#1 - Principal teacher speech substitution conveys. Attendance checking does with photo shoot.
 Something about class photos.  I know that only because of the day it was sent.

#2 - Is a research study schedule ticket which will execute tomorrow. The study ends and to depart immediately, wishes. The room assignment will do the atlas under following common knowledge. Only the pair some preparing the cloth with cold relationship, wishes. Piece which is insufficient is many. Is inconvenient and does not hold in mind but understanding entrusting gives with wide mind.
 I have no idea.  It seems like it was about room assignments but we haven't moved or changed rooms.

#3 - Goodbye does? Is a happy-looking morning. Today [a_lay_wa_kath_i] to guide the teaching staff physical education event condition schedule which will be. Order Time Event order 1 12:00 ~ 12:20 Opening remark and warming-up exercise 2 12:20 ~ 12:40 Female dodge ball (5 minutes, 3Set) 3 12:40 ~ 13:40 Volleyball (man and woman mixture, 3Set) 4 13:40 ~ 14:00 Friendly volleyball (a Korean + circle fisherman, 1Set) 5 14:00 ~ 14:30 Table tennis (man and woman mixture, 1Set) 6 14:30 ~ 15:00 Badminton (man and man and woman mixed doubles) 7 15:00 ~ 16:30 Evaluation meeting (teacher dining room) *1. second medieval times, administrative solid curve lifestyle after finishing the lunch, until 11: 50 Fall in giving to the auditorium, wishes. To 2. game resultant victory teams early rising leaving office circle and karaoke room use circle (hundred full base both sides) come to give.
It was about the Teacher's Sports Day.  We can't figure out how we ended up as fishermen though.  A few bits of this even border on reasonable.

#4 -Goodbye is? Is a good morning. Supports JIKS, from the enterprise which expenses Provision receives Djakarta one day demonstration schedule information.
Another one beginning with goodbye as a question.  As an English teacher, I didn't know that was possible

#5 - [The class sliced raw fish new wishes] Is a sign design which will be established in the school school gate. To select the favorite most, to send a number Will send rightly and if staring will thank. Thanks.

Lastly is a message that came in a mere hour ago. My phrase of the day is "sliced raw fish new wishes!"

Life is never boring here.

An Indonesian Convert?

Not that I am necessarily any more or less enamored with the place, I am finding it's growing on me, or maybe me into it. A list of the multiple ways I am becoming more Indonesian by the day:

• I own more than one phone.  I own more than two phones, each with their own sim card and purpose. I have two phones at my place, one in the wall and one for magic jack computer use.  I currently have three cell phones.  I heard another teacher tell a story that her conversation class came in one day and this woman took out a small zippered pouch from her purse.  She proceeded to open it looking for something and there were six cell phones.  Each with it's own number, sim card and purpose.  I have left strict orders with Vicki that if I should ever own that many, I am to be drug out back and shot.

• The honking and being misterbombed don't phase me any more.  Misterbombing is when the locals sit on their stools at a warung (roadside shack that serves food) or stand my their motorbike, or anywhere really, and shout "Missmissmissmiss" or "mistermistermister" at you.  If they are between the ages of say eight and forty two, they'll giggle when they do it, especially the boys.  98% of the time, if you stop and say hello or ask what they want, they are completely flabbergasted and don't know what to do.  Now I just truck on.

• Tied into that is the fact that I no longer expect to have any personal space, or understanding thereof, be it literal space or figurative.  In the US, if I were to walk down the street with big headphones (not earbuds, the big ones that are obvious), sunglasses and a slight scowl, no one would even consider approaching me unless my pants were on fire. Here in Indonesia, I'll still be misterbombed, asked if I want to buy food, take an ojek ride or enter their shop. 

• I take the bus and don't give a damn that I'm the only white person on it.  I did notice last week that my knees were the only visible ones on the bus, and I was wearing a teaching-elementary-school-students -appropriate dress. 

• I'm beginning to cultivate the ability to fall asleep anywhere.  If you ask Indonesians (and this goes for the Koreans I work with too) what their hobbies are, eating and sleeping are assured to be among them. It doesn't matter how many times they are told by foreigners that sleeping, and eating for that matter, are not hobbies. I saw a guy fall asleep standing on a packed bus yesterday.  I've had my own close calls falling asleep on the back of an ojek. And yet it's the days when I am the most desperate to sleep that  I still toss and turn in my own bed.

• I now grasp why the culture has adopted a mass theory of procrastination.  My contention with this was it stifled my ability to get things done!  Now I get the two pronged reasoning.  One: most Indonesians are lazy.  It sounds like an awful cultural stereotype, but even the Indonesians say so.  They will work very hard if required, like the ditch diggers who have been laying telephone cables along my route home.  That happens infrequently.  It can be seen in that most jobs allow for lots of hours sitting around doing little to nothing.  I thought the "manana" culture of Spain was bad. There, nothing was ever so pressing as to rush and do it today, if tomorrow would suffice.  Two:  To get something taken care of by maintenance at my apartment, it usually takes at least two trips to talk to someone to sort it out or schedule it and then supervision of said task.  I have found myself recently postponing tasks.  My television stopped working.  I thought there was a problem with the power supply/cord/source.  The little green light wasn't coming on.  Because of work obligations and timing, I couldn't get down to ask them to fix it for two days.  On that day, two days later, I asked at the front desk on my way up to my apartment.  When I got into my place, I double checked and sure enough, the tv was fine again.  Same thing happened with mysterious water on the bathroom floor.  I'm fairly certain it was leaking from between the tiles in the shower, but now that it's stopped, I don't care. 

• I cannot respond to a simple question with just yes or no.  I repeat yes or no multiple times.  Here's an example:

Joe: Hey, how are you today?
Me: Ya, good ya, and you?
Joe: Ya good.  Are you going out to EP this weekend?
Me: Ya, ya, ya (the last one stretched out to yeaaaaa). Hope to see you there.
Joe: Do you think it will be quiet like last week?
Me: No, no.
The ya's, no's and adu's (an expression for exhaustion, frustration, incredulity and about six other emotions) have seeped deep into my vocabulary well. I also can't just nod to show I am intently listening or flowing the logic, now I have to "ya, ya, ya" my way along.

• I slog along through the puddles just to get where I'm going.  Last night was in heels on the way to the bus stop.  The afternoon rain had ceased, but the puddles along the road would last until evening.  Also, I usually wear sandals now.  Easier for the water to go in, but also easier for it to flow back out and dry out.   Additionally, I have rain gear for the motorbike and anything less than a torrential down pour doesn't slow me down.

I'm sure I've forgotten a few. If so, they shall be added tomorrow.