Tired of Dating

The alternate title for this blog is "When will I be in a relationship?"

I went back through my planner and counted. I dated twenty one guys in 2012.  Not too shabby considering I wasn't really back in Seattle until the beginning of March.  The majority of those were first date only.  About six of those guys were multi-daters, as in two or more.
Two of those I saw regularly for more than two months.
There were fifteen others that I emailed or texted (please advise on the grammar of this verb) but never materialized into a date. 

Granted, 2012 didn't quite end up being the year of a thousand first dates.  I fell woefully short of that. Averaging 2.1 first dates per month means I'm trying.  I'm putting myself out there.  I'm meeting people.

It takes a lot of effort to date.  Lots more effort than being in a relationship.  When you are first dating someone you have to be on your best behavior all the time. The comedienne Whitney Cummings has a great bit about trying not to fart when you are out on dates for the first six months. It's true! No burping, no farting, perfect make-up, great hair, high heels, going out, being fun, not stressing about things, etc, etc.

When you've relaxed into a relationship, you can wear sneakers, you can have a sweats and movie on the sofa day, you can be your slightly lazy, occasionally slobby self. But not when you are dating. Not that you can't be yourself, but you have to be your best self.  You not neurotic, not whiny, never smelly, always done up, fun and funny self.

First and second and sometimes third dates are lots of small talk too.  Have you ever been to a party, maybe a work party, maybe a networking thing, where you had to make a lot of small talk for say, four hours?  That's tiring. You basically have the same conversation, or version of a conversation, over and over and over.  It reminds me of being a foreigner in Indonesia.  The limited English of many of the Indonesians meant that the conversation was the same "How are you? " "Where are you from?" "Do you like Indonesia?" "How old are you?" "Where do you live?" That's about the extent of it.

First dates are  "What do you do for work?" "Where did you grow up?" "What do you do for fun?" "blah, blah, blah". You watch for red flags, you use enough common sense to not ask the really key things you might want to know, like how long was your last relationship or when was your last long term relationship and why did it end. You have to roll those out slowly because, lord knows, you don't want to bog through that conversation if you don't have to because they hit four other red flags in the basic small talk.

While I am tired of dating and ready for some quality time with "my man" on the sofa, I am not yet willing to settle! I will not keep dating a guy who is a mismatch for me just to get to sofa time. Here's to pursing a great relationship in 2013 with as much if not more vigor than before!!

Piecemeal notes before the weekend

It's Friday.  Thank (insert your divine being of choice here) it's Friday. This was one of those long, dragging weeks.  It's not really that anything went so wrong.  The kids weren't worse than their norm.  I didn't have extra duties.  It simply felt like a long week.

I don't think I've mentioned but I'm involved in a radio show here.  It's Smartfm and sponsored by the US Embassy.  It's a learn English program as part of their "Smart Up Your Life" series.  Last year it ran for six months broadcast in Jakarta.  This year there is a year contract and we broadcast throughout all of Indonesia.  We get calls from Pekan Baru, Surabaya and Medan, all on other islands. Generally, Julia and I alternate weeks with the regular Indonesian host, Eka.  Since Julia has headed home for a month, I had this weeks show plus the next four.  We broadcast live from 5-6pm on Tuesdays and the station plays a repeat on Saturday.  Since I leave work at 3:30, I have to book it straight there for our pre-show rehash. The pay is absolute rubbish, covering transport and a coffee.  My reasons are that I enjoy it, hope it will put me in touch with new and different people and finally that it is one more skill I can add to my CV/resume.  Its funny that in the last 24 hours I've mentioned it to my business class and a co-worker at school.  Both used the word celebrity, which made me cringe.  Celebrity, publicity, etc was definitely the last thing I'd want to come from this.

I did the show on Tuesday, and was ready to go to my business class on Wednesday.  All I can really say is that it's a small group of lawyers at a prestigious firm in Jakarta.  Everything else is teacher-client privilege.  I always dread the class until I get there.  They have great senses of humor (sense of humors?) and ask poignant questions. The pay is worthwhile, especially since I can get there by bus for 7,000Rp and thirty minutes. My only complaint is that it makes Wednesdays really, really long.  This week they asked to move class from Wednesday to Thursday at 4pm on Wednesday.  No possibility to take care of things on Wednesday and it ruined Thursdays plans.

Courtesy of ihes.com.  Sort of like this but Indonesian students.  Incidentally, this is an academy in Barcelona where a good friend of mine teaches, MWJ!!!

Thursday I went to meet Donna as she leaves for summer on Sunday.  It took me and hour and a quarter in a taxi to get to her, and another hour and a half to get from her to the lawyers. I was a bit delirious by the time I made it to my lawyers.  Throw us in a conference room that was about a thousand degrees and I was toast by the end.  I was in bed all of ten minutes before I passed out dead away.  I haven't managed to get more than six hours sleep any night this week, and although I've slept like the dead, it hasn't been enough.   I complain but feel bad since BoT has gotten even less.  His insomnia has kicked in full force.  I think, he, I and half of Jakarta are all fighting the same head cold.  Bleeeehhhhhh.

It's Friday and I'm not going out.  I am really really looking forward to a quiet night in, cooking for BoT and just relaxing.  We haven't managed to see each other much lately, definitely not during the week anyway.  I am putting my social butterfly self on the shelf for tonight and pulling the cocoon around tight.


As a post script: I am blown away by the number of blog views I've had this week.  The last three days individually were 88, 46 and 70.  Today, at midday there have already been 24 views.  I'm not sure what to attribute the explosion to.  I'm not exactly going away free puppies on here. Thanks for sticking around all the same!

too much?

I usually write more topically, and I had all the best intentions yesterday to write but life got the better of me.  Today I have slid down the scale to a rant.

I started the week relieved that at school I'd wrapped up a project.  For each of my four classes we'd spent the better part of two weeks working on a United States unit.  I had prepped 2-3 pages each for 15 states, each student choosing one state.  They had to make a mind map and rough draft after reviewing parts of a paragraph. Then a final written that could be used for their presentation.  They each got a written score and a speaking score which had to be given back to them and entered into the computer.  I was happy I'd finished it all before our 3 day mid-semester break. I could lounge in Bali guilt and worry free. 

Now the sh** is hitting the proverbial fan.  The teaching staff has realized with holidays and deadlines, we really only have about 24 days left.  We aren't off until the 22nd of December but grades are obviously due before then.  We're losing two consecutive Wednesdays to an Indonesian and a school holiday. The way our schedules work that means that the Tuesdays are blow off days because we can't have one group get ahead of the other.  This week I'm running 2 unit tests and trying to get a mini speaking assessment in.  It's week one of 3 consecutive weeks of 5 days of class.  I know I shouldn't be complaining but it does feel long after so many holidays. The students are manic, and I've lost my voice to a ruddy decibel that it isn't recovering over the weekend. 

Today I've also been asked to cover a business class at night last minute. I can use the money but I could also use the 3 hours. I'm debating my grocery trip today because I need food but don't know if I have time. Tomorrow is a new client meeting for a new business where I'll be teaching every other week.  I've got a throbbing headache that's settled behind my right eye and won't budge.  It is all following yesterday's 2 hour trip home.  I've not seen rain like yesterday's in my time here.  We had a flat tire and 2 detours due to flooded roadways. I had to help pull the water out of a hole in the asphalt that dropped the bike out from under me.  I didn't fall but was standing before I knew what happened. We drove through water nearly knee deep. I split the seam for the second time in my sexy plastic rain pants and had to throw them out.  I ended up soaked all the way through, top to bottom. My trip to the grocery store went by the way side and after 15 minutes to partially disrobe in the hallway, I ate dinner and was asleep by 8.  Ahhh, in bed early.  Oh what's that?  4 am call to prayer?  No problem, that happens daily.  Wait, whaat?  An hour and 20 minutes of call to prayer not the normal 15?  Now that's new. 

I'm actually considering going to the doctor.  My lagging energy levels have continued as well as some serious stomach/diarrhea issues.  Parasites? Virus? The Plague?  It would mean I'd actually have to find the time.  And its just started raining. . . .

courtesy of blogs.warwick.ac.uk