How Would I Know If It's Analog or Digital?

In addition to the baby shower last weekend, 25's step bro announced, via 25's sis, that he and his wife are pregnant.  I won't go in to the fact that it's bizarre that Zoo, 25's sis, was the one to tell us, not the step bro, even though he and 25 have lived together and been family for about 12 years. I also won't go in to what I think of step bro and wife because who knows who reads this thing.

Instead, I wonder why people have kids.  What possesses someone to decide to give over their body to a parasitic creature that will warp said body in ways that means it will never be the same?  To have a kid whom they will have to pay for from now until the end of time.  To have a baby that will cry incessantly and ruin any future good night's sleep or gourmet meal. To willingly decide to be chained to a place, a budget, another person (the other 'creator', not to mention said child) in some way or another for, in most cases, the rest of ones life.

I'm 31.  I've never heard it tick. You know, the biological clock all women are supposed to have and fear once they hit the time in their life when CHILD BEARING MUST TRUMP ALL, because time is running out.  Nnoooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! 

Maybe I've spent too many years taking care of and educating kids that other people have screwed up beyond belief. I'm surprised school teachers ever have kids of their own. The saving grace of dealing with other people's kids is that they are other people's kids.  If it's sick, crying, generally being unpleasant, I can hand it back.  I got to go from the loud helter-skelter of work with kids, to a home that is quiet and clean, not the reverse.  I can go out as late as I want any night of the week, I can. spend my salary on things I want, I . . .  I digress. 

Maybe I'm waiting until I'm 'ready', though I suspect most people who've had kids would be the first to say you never really are ready.  I am definitely not financially ready for kids. I can't imagine having to pay for diapers and food and doctor's visits, and . . . and . . .and. . .ad nauseum while I still have debts. That being said, if only the debt free had children, we wouldn't be dealing with over population on the planet

I don't want to give up three day Bumbershoot weekends, and spur the moment camp trips and about a million other things. Many call that selfish or spoiled behavior but isn't it smarter to think and say those things, than to have a kid and resent it for keeping you from having the life you want? I've seen it happen first hand and it isn't pretty.  Everyone connected to that parent-child relationship is miserable.

I wonder what percentage of people who have kids felt an urge or desire to be a parent/to have kids. Some deep-seated need to sire an offspring, to nurture it to adulthood. I haven't had that pang or twinge.  I don't know what it feels like. I can't imagine it either come to think of it. Or do most people become parents accidentally, without a pang or forethought. Does that more about why so many people are lousy parents and so many kids are dysfunctional than anything?

25 and I have talked about this and we're on the same page.  We're leaving the door open a crack.  We may want kids someday but at this point we are both happy we don't have kids and don't want them now. Knowing that I won't disappoint him because I don't want kids, that we don't have an awkward, potentially relationship ending conversation awaiting us in the abyss that is the future relieves a lot of anxiety and fear. We've talked about the societal convention and expectation, about the shortage or resources and overpopulation that breeding has created, about people we know who are parents.  We both agree that at this point, we don't need to copy our DNA forward to lead a fulfilling, happy lives.

I'd be very interested to see comments from people who have kids, who don't, those who want them, and those who don't. Why did you decide to procreate?

Grown Up

I think today I feel like a grown up.  Not just for today, but like I actually made it. I have manage to drag, crawl, scrape and grumble my way into adulthood. It hasn't been easy, but it's rewarding to be here all the same.

Now today isn't my birthday.  I didn't get a new job, or a promotion or buy a house today.  All in all, it's a fairly unspectacular Thursday in the Great NorthLeft. It's slightly foggy with a high of 85 predicted this afternoon.  I'm working from home for now.  The dog is crashed out behind my desk chair. Nothing inherently noteworthy. Except in my head.

It's been noted that I'm far more introspective on this blog that in person, to which I acquiesce to. As I've mentioned previously, I do use this blog as an external meditation area and brain download facility.

I noted recently that I've been back in (near) Seattle for about eighteen months.  Somehow in that time I changed.  I have a career.  It's like a job, but with ongoing potential, fulfillment and growth opportunities that uses multiple skills and talents I have, plus requires that I continue to learn. It also pays a lot better than a job. It's soul sucking on a less often basis and much more self directed.

I have been paying all my bills plus cutting into my debt like a Canadian Lumberjack into a huge pine.  I remember the times, not so long ago, when I was first overseas and could barely manage my month to month living expenses, let alone work on any debt from before.  I was lucky it I didn't have to incur any new debt most months.  If it weren't for mom's understanding generosity, I think I'd have had to move back within months. I used to be ashamed to admit that there were times I needed help paying my bills.  Now I realise that most folks go through that time.  Aside from my car loan, I've reduced my other debts (school loan, credit cards, misc loan) by over half since my return to the US.  That's more impressive if you consider the amount of stuff there is to buy, do, see, in all senses pay for. I don't feel that I've deprived myself at all though.  25 and I have done heaps this year; baseball, football and soccer games, beerfests, music fests, camping, vacationing, etc.

Additionally, on the financial front, I started a Traditional and a Roth IRA (individual retirement account).  I found and rolled old 401Ks (similar accounts sponsored by previous employers) into one account, and have begun funding another account on my own, as my current company doesn't contribute to one on my behalf. I'm committed to making sure I have some options if I make it to retirement.

I'm in a relationship that feels like a relationship is supposed to (I think).  25 has the poise, intelligence and planning of someone old than those years.  He has been a true partner thus far. He helps around the house without my needing to nag him. He would rather talk about issues as they arise and avoid drama.  He is accepting and understanding of my shortcomings and encourages my desire to work on aspects of my personality and my life. He accommodates my need for planning and also spur the moment plans.  He makes me feel happy and at ease. From chaotic Seahawks games to backpack trips, he is never expects more than I can give and always seems to give what I need.

I have a new, very luxurious, grown up car.  I live in a house and pay the mortgage.  It's not my house, it's mom's, but she doesn't live here.  I take care of the day to day tending of the house, the maintenance, the garden we planted.

I have two charges that I care for.  Not children, but sometimes it feels like they are.  Doctors visits, cleaning up after then, etc. If you count 25, it's really three ;)

I read the Sunday paper, I drink coffee every morning, I take my clothes to the dry cleaner on occasion.  I think adulthood is official, and it feels allllriiiiiight.